Jason's Story
Copyright© 2025 by writer 406
Chapter 8
The isolating effects of his civilian life crept up on Jason. It had been a year since he’d moved here. During his military years, he’d been surrounded by teammates, brothers-in-arms who understood him without explanation. The transition to civilian life had left him feeling alone in ways he hadn’t anticipated. Not socially - he had colleagues, students, acquaintances - but emotionally. There were parts of his experience that was untranslatable to people who hadn’t lived similar lives.
When he mentioned a feeling of apartness to Dr. Longwell, she encouraged him to date. “Loneliness and isolation are big contributors to PTSD. Get your butt out there and date and try to have fun.”
His first serious attempt at dating was a woman named Rachel Morrison, a high school math teacher who’d been dropping hints for months at the coed volleyball he joined. When he finally asked her to dinner and a movie, she seemed as surprised as she was pleased.
“I was beginning to think you were completely oblivious,” she said over pasta at an Italian restaurant in Ballard.
“Not oblivious,” Jason replied. “Just busy.”
Rachel was intelligent, attractive in a understated way, and easy to talk to. She shared stories about her students, asked thoughtful questions about his writing, and seemed genuinely interested in his transition from military to civilian life. But when she leaned across the table and placed her hand over his, Jason felt nothing beyond friendly affection.
They dated for six weeks, during which Jason learned important things about himself. He enjoyed female companionship, liked the sex, and found comfort in the routine of shared activities. But physical attraction was more complex than he’d expected. It wasn’t just about appearance - it was about something ineffable, a combination of chemistry, humor, and the ability to be unselfconscious together.
“You’re a good guy, Jason,” Sarah said when they mutually agreed to end the romantic aspect of their relationship. “But I don’t think you’re ready for what I need. And that’s okay - we can be friends.”
She was right. He was still learning how to be open, how to let someone see the parts of himself that weren’t composed and competent. He was tired of one night stands and his failures in his first marriage still haunted him.
His next relationship came from an unexpected direction. Elena Rodriguez was a public defender, a younger sister of one of his softball buddies. She was brilliant, passionate about social justice.
“So you were one of those special ops guys who killed people for a living?” she asked over coffee after the hearing.
“Yup, a regular GI Joe,” Jason said good humoredly.
“And now you’re a grad student. That’s quite a career change.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to find myself,” he said with his usual self effacement. Then he quickly changed the subject to her job. He had long ago learned that discussing his military experience with a civilian was a no win proposition.
Elena challenged him intellectually in ways he hadn’t experienced since language school. She was fiercely intelligent, well-read, and unafraid to disagree with him about politics, philosophy, or social issues. Their dinner conversations often lasted past midnight, ranging from criminal justice reform to foreign policy to the role of education in addressing inequality.
Sex with her was wild as well. She was a passionate woman.
But Elena was also dealing with her own demons. The constant exposure to human tragedy in her work had left her cynical and emotionally guarded. She was by nature combative.
He needed peaceful.
They ended things semi-amicably, but the relationship taught Jason something important about himself: he was attracted to strength, but he needed someone who was strong and smart but confident enough to be silly, secure enough to be a partner.
The pattern continued through a series of relationships. Amanda, a documentary filmmaker who traveled constantly for work. Dr. Jennifer Kim, a neuroscientist at UW who was brilliant but had never learned to relax. Lisa Thompson, a successful tech executive who approached romance like an accountant doing an audit.
Each relationship taught Jason something about himself and what he was looking for. He discovered that he was genuinely interested in people - their stories, their motivations, their dreams and fears. He found intellectual conversation energizing, appreciated ambition and competence, and was drawn to women who had overcome challenges to achieve their goals.
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