Chapter 11

The next weeks passed in a bit of a blur. Between early mornings and long hours, I had little time to stop and think. I was buried in work—fielding client meetings, reviewing budget proposals, sharpening mower blades, and repairing a temperamental irrigation system that kept shorting out near the soccer field I was sweating through shirts before noon and collapsing into bed at night with dirt under my nails and mulch in my boots.

My obsession with food started to overtake my waking thoughts. As soon as I got up in the morning, I started thinking about what I could eat for breakfast. Before breakfast was over, I had a begrudgingly light lunch all planned. By late afternoon, I’d already be counting the minutes until I could inhale a somewhat substantial dinner.

I began to wonder what ‘normal’ people thought about all day. “Lunch is coming,” I told myself throughout the morning as my hunger pangs clamored for attention.

“Dinner’s coming,” was my standard afternoon mantra.

My ‘lifetime food plan’ was threatening to turn into a ‘diet’. And, as I’d said before, “If you go on a diet, then you will eventually go off a diet.” Unless I wanted to reclaim my weight, plus some, I couldn’t afford to be thinking like that.

I talked about this with Derek, and he suggested that if I got the urge to binge, I should force myself to wait five minutes before doing anything. The next time, I should wait ten minutes, finally working my way up to waiting half an hour before I touch food.

“If you are able to delay eating by half an hour, you’ll be able to control your appetite and eat a healthy snack. You need to work on strengthening your will in the same way you are working on your muscles,” he explained to me.

I won some battles and lost some others, but after a few weeks, I conquered my hunger. I wouldn’t surrender to my appetite anymore without a battle.

Rachel and I texted every day. It had become a quiet rhythm in my life, something I didn’t realize I needed until it was there.

One morning, as I was getting ready for work, I pulled on my old jeans and—surprise!

Not only were they not tight—they were loose. I could do the button-up easily, and there was even a little extra room around the waist. They didn’t cling to my thighs like before, and my rear end wasn’t threatening to bust a seam.