A Tasty Little Bit of ASS
Copyright© 2025 by Pixymorph
Chapter 3
Some ideas are best left in the brain.
That was the conclusion John had decided about the whole ‘let’s take Lis home’ idea. There was definitely a ‘hold my beer, I’ve got this’ lurking in there as well. Possibly a ‘What could possibly go wrong?’ for good measure.
He had thought that she would settle down, go off to sleep at his feet, or something like she did in the Lab. Oh no. She followed him everywhere. He couldn’t even go to the toilet in peace. She was like the world’s worst needy pet.
“No Lis! Don’t touch that!” He moved the pan on the stove to a less Lis reachable hob. The only way she could have been more irksome, were if she to ask “What are you doing?” and “Why?” every five seconds.
He should have taken a cage home.
“No, leave that!” He divested her of the coffee jar she was currently unscrewing. There was no way he wanted to add caffeine to the mix. She watched him intensely as he placed his lunch down on the table. It occurred to him, that Lis had never really seen them eat before. The occasional snack in the form of a chocolate bar, or cashew nuts in Odette’s case.
Eating in a lab was generally not recommended, or allowed, due to all the myriad ways one could poison oneself. She watched him take a few mouthfuls then snatched the plate from him.
“Oi! That’s mine!”
Lis grabbed his sandwich and the half eaten boiled egg. The egg was stuffed in her maw and her eyes went wide. Well, there was no way he was getting that back. He would probably have to fight her for the sandwich, but he had a good idea as to how that would turn out. John sighed, pushed his chair back and stood. He wasn’t going to boil another egg. He was far too hungry to wait. He pulled the spread and bread out of the fridge, made himself another snack as he kept an eye on the troublemaker.
The egg had gone and she was making short work of his sandwich. He had a feeling he would be making a grocery run sooner than he had planned.
“Did you like that?”
Her head bobbed enthusiastically. He had a horrible feeling she would not be settling for dog food after this. He managed to eat his second attempt without it being pilfered and she stood next to him at the sink and watched as he washed the pans and dishes, her tail wrapped round his leg.
“I hope you are paying attention as you will be doing this. Come on, let’s see how you get on with a Television.” He led them both, her tail still wrapped round his leg, into the living room and turned on the TV. Lis gasped and pointed at the scene. A piece to camera in front of the Whitehouse.
“That’s the Whitehouse. Lots of important people live and work there. And some idiots. Unfortunately.”
Lis untangled herself from John and walked cautiously over to the flat screen. Looking behind it.
“Careful Lis.” He warned as the screen was pulled against the retaining bolts of the bracket. She tapped her claw tips against the screen. “Careful Lis. I know how sharp your talons are.”
He was certain she had no idea as to what he was saying, so he stood, walked over to her and led her back to the couch.
“No. Damage.” He patted the end of her fingers. “Here.” He handed her the remote, placed her finger over the red on/off button. “Off.” He pushed on the finger turning the TV off. “On” He pushed her finger again. “Okay?”
She nodded.
“These buttons here. Volume. Up.” She winced as the sound grew louder, her ears folding down. “Down.” The volume decreased.
Lis pressed the volume down on her own accord and the TV sound dropped almost too low for John to hear.
“These ones change the channel.” Lis pressed the buttons till she came across a nature program. It looked like a Jungle or a Rainforest.
“Outside!”
“Yes, Outside. Sort of.” The scene within the program changed, focusing on a big cat in one of the trees. Lis’s tail thrashed and a strange chittering escaped her lips. John had no idea if it was fear, curiosity or something completely different. “I’m not sure you should be watching that.”
“Outside!”
“It most certainly is.” John said with a sigh.
John opened his laptop and started up the simple database. He had noted some of Lis’s weight and food intake on post-it notes, and it was past time that he recorded the information on something more robust that he could upload onto the lab’s file on Lis. Keep both Sophia and Odette happy, whilst making out that he had been duly attending the lab every day. The laptop chirruped to an incoming video call. He didn’t have to look at the caller ID to know that it would be Sophia.
Even four thousand miles away, she couldn’t switch off. If he didn’t answer, she would just get annoyed.
John clicked on the icon and Sophia appeared, wearing what looked to be exactly what she wore to the lab.
“Hi Sophia, how is the family?”
“All good John. How has Lis been?” Straight to the point, typical Sophia.
“She’s been good.” It was hard to keep his face innocent. “She is obviously missing you both, asking where you are.”
“Are you logging everything?”
“I am.”
In the background of her call, there was the sound of childish laughter and running feet. Although he could only see part of the room, it was enough to see that it was high ceilinged, had coving and wallpaper that was older than America. It didn’t really surprise him that she appeared to live in some English stately home.
Sophia’s eyes seemed to un-focus, as though she was looking behind him.
“John. You are at home, yes?”
“Yes, I am.”
“So why is Lis on the wall behind you.”
“I don’t think,” John turned to look behind. Lis was indeed on the wall behind him. Like some very large gecko, her finger and toe talons dug deep into the plasterboard. She looked disturbingly at home, five feet from the floor, limbs splayed out like Spiderman.
Well, shit.
He turned to face the cam. “Ahh.”
“You’d better have a truly outstanding explanation for this...”
Sophia finally terminated the call, John looked at the clock bottom right of his screen. She had been on for just shy of an hour. His sanity saved, ironically by what he gathered were grandchildren, or at least, someone’s grandchildren, who had appeared to drag her away. He was in so much shit now.
It was not going to be pleasant when she came back from the Christmas holiday. The only upside, was that she hadn’t ordered him to take Lis straight back to the lab. With a bit of luck, she might not tell Odette till they were both back. Even better, she might not tell Odette at all and sweep the whole thing under the proverbial rug.
He looked at Lis, who was still splayed out on his wall.
“Thanks for that, troublemaker. And would you get down from the wall, before you pull it down...”
The front doorbell rang and John looked away from the screen, pausing his game.
Lis was still curled up on his bed, though her head was lifted, eyes wide at the strange sound, ears pointing towards the bedroom door as the chimes faded away.
“Stay there Lis. Don’t move. Stay.” He shut the door on her and made his way downstairs. He left the chain on and opened the door a crack.
“Odette!”
She was stood on his porch, looking cold and miserable, holding two travel bags. John shut the door to unlatch the chain. “You are not due back for another week.”
“I know. Thanks for that by the way. Are you going stand there all day, or are you going to let me in?”
Sophia had obviously told Odette then...
“What? Oh, yes. Sorry.”
John stepped to the side letting her in. Odette dropped both bags with a thump as John shut and chained the door.
“How was the landing?”
“Unpleasant.”
There was a loud crash upstairs as his bedroom door bounced off something, most likely the wall, followed by the rapid scrabble of claws. He winced and tried not to think about the new gouges on the upstairs floor.
“Incoming.” he warned as he stepped well clear of Odette. An airborne missile shot past.
“Mère!”
“Ooff...” Odette crashed backwards into the door, barely keeping to her feet. “Someone’s put on some weight.” Odette muttered. “What did I tell you about claws Lis!”
“Sorry Mama.” She might have been sorry, but she didn’t let go.
“Can I get you a coffee, tea, something else?”
“Tea would be lovely John.”
“Okay.”
He laid out three mugs, then filled the kettle. He made a coffee for himself, tea for Odette and filled the third with milk as a tired “You can let go now Lis... ” made its way through from the hallway.
“Is she always like this?” John looked up as Odette hobbled into the kitchen, trying to extricate herself from the tight hug wound her torso and the tail wrapped around her leg.
“She hasn’t seen you for a while.”
“It’s barely been a week!”
“Lis, come on now. Give your mother some space.”
Lis ignored him.
“Well, in that case, I’ll have this milk...”
Her head turned to face him and she hissed loudly as he picked up her mug, made to drink from it.
“Mmm...”
Lis let Odette go, her tail reluctantly untwining as she stalked towards John. He held out the mug, which she took with a glare. As soon as it was safely in her hands, her tail whipped round and delivered a stinging blow to his thigh.
“Lis!” Odette admonished as her attention was drawn to the small black box around Lis’s ankle. “That was not a very nice thing to do.”
“Desole’ maman.”
Odette raised an eyebrow at John. “Lis is a lot more vocal.”
“Unfortunately.”
Lis hissed at him.
“How has she been?” Odette asked of him.
“She’s been good. She’s discovered television.”
“Tiger!” Lis shouted.
“And nature programs.”
“Tiger!”
“She especially likes nature programs on cats.”
“Tiger!”
“I think Odette has grasped that you like cats.”
“Tiger.” Her tone had changed enough for the other two hear her amusement.
Odette looked down at Lis intently. “Have you set her a cognitive test? How does it compare with her historic?”
“We are on holiday Odette. Plenty of time to do that when we are back at work.”
“Don’t like lab.” Lis grumbled un-happily as she stepped closer to John in order to slip an arm around his waist.
“I know you don’t.” he hugged her back.
“Want to stay with you and ma mère.”
“Not until you learn to control your claws. Odette would not want her floors to look like mine.” Lis looked at him confused as Odette pulled a chair out and sat, resting her mug on the table top.
“Ma mère not stay here?”
“Odette has her own house.”
“Not like!”
John looked to Odette. “Get used to that phrase. You will hear it a lot.”
“Ma mère stay here.” To empathise her point, she slipped from John’s embrace and moved to Odette, climbing onto her lap.
“That’s a decision for Odette, Lis.”
“Lis, you are going to have to sit on a chair, not me. You are getting to be a big girl. Is she still on two cans?”
“Err, no, she’s been eating with me.”
“Bacon!” Lis shouted joyfully.
“Normal meals? Mixed dietary make up?”
“Carrots. Carrots, bluergh!”
“Yes, we have been trying various foodstuffs, haven’t we Lis?”
“Bacon!”
“Meat is popular and there has been a decrease is the local dog population.” Odette looked horrified.
Lis tilted her head to the side. “What is dog?”
“I’m kidding. Obviously. Though I am a bit concerned for the squirrel population, as Lis will watch them for hours.”
“Tree rats!”
“Tree rats.” John agreed.
Lis slurped loudly from her mug.
Odette opened her mouth to chastise but John headed her off.
“She doesn’t normally do that. She’s playing up.”
“Testing boundaries?”
“I suppose so. Not really my field.”
“How is she at getting in her cage at night?” John stayed silent. “You are putting her in her cage at night John?”
“Yeah, about that ... I have her in one of the bedrooms. In a bed. I didn’t think that I could get her cage out without someone asking questions...”
“Daddy warm!”
“But she doesn’t stay in it. The bed.”
“Daddy warm!”
“She um, sneaks out.”
“Daddy warm!”
John sighed. “I think you can guess where she goes.”
“What have you done John...”
John kept quiet as Lis finished her milk and placed her mug on the table, climbing onto Johns lap. She wrapped her arms around his torso as she laid her head against his chest. Her eyes were on Odette staring at her intensely as her breathing slowed, a deep purr resonating from her chest. John unconsciously stroked her hair.
Odette took in the scene. This was not what she had expected. Chaos, yes. Domesticated bliss? No.
John took a sip of his coffee.
“I know that look Odette. What?”
“I’m re-evaluating. This changes a lot. We have been woefully underestimating Lis’s potential. You have had her outside?”
“Not much. She doesn’t like the cold.”
“Cold. Bluergh!” She shivered on his lap.”
“Come summer, though. Well, that depends on, well, where she is.”
A gust of wind smashed snow against the windows.
“What time are you heading back to your house?”
Odette didn’t immediately reply. “Sophia wanted me to stay with Lis. She had ... concerns ... about the situation.”
“Oh. Right. Do you? Have concerns. I mean.”
“I did have. Yes. I’m re-evaluating. The situation is not how I perceived it to be.”
“Oh.”
“Sophia ‘requested’ that I stay with Lis.”
“I only have the two beds, unless we take something from yours, or you could share with Lis, but a word of caution. In REM sleep, she twitches a lot, and I mean a lot. Come on Lis, up you get before you give me a dead leg.” Lis grumbled, but did not move. “Do you not want to show ta mère your room?”
“No. Happy.”
“Yes, well, it may be comfy for you, but it’s not that good for me. Come on, up you get.”
John unceremoniously lifted her off his lap, forcing her to stretch out her legs to stand.
“Not much need to show you around, since all the houses are the same.” Odette nodded as he walked out into the hallway, picking up both her bags, he made for the stairs. Lis bounded up the stairs in a series of graceful leaps, her tail lifting the hem of her sundress, giving John and Odette an eye full.
“Yeah,” John admitted sheepishly. “I’m not having much luck in getting her to wear underwear. It was, umm, easier to not bother.”
Odette said nothing, and followed him upstairs. In Lis’s room, he placed Odette’s bags on the bed.
Some of the clothes he had bought Lis were scattered around the room.
“I can’t believe you are making her wear those. Those colours and styles do nothing for her.”
“To be honest, Odette. Fashion was pretty low down on the list of priorities at the time. Come on, you must agree that they are at least an improvement on the disposable surgical gowns.”
“I’m not so sure...”
“Well, I’m more than happy for you to take her shopping...”
“Outside. Bluergh!”
“Yes, outside, bluergh” John agreed. “Right, I’ll leave you to get settled in.” Lis was curiously picking at Odette’s bags.
He left his own bedroom door open and sat down at his computer, turning it on. He was really looking forward to a couple of hours gaming, where he didn’t have to worry about what Lis was up to when she was out of his visual range.
Odette checked the cupboards and the wardrobe. The wardrobe held a thick winter coat and some scarves and a pair of salopettes, but was otherwise empty. It was a similar state of affairs for the chest of drawers. Some generic girls underwear, almost all still in unopened packets. Odette unpacked her bags and retrieved her laptop. The bed linen smelt recently washed and appeared un slept in. Odette plugged in her laptop and sat on the bed, her back propped up against the headboard.
Lis climbed up also and snuggled into her side, her tail wrapping itself around Odette’s leg, which she lifted slightly to facilitate. Odette checked her emails and sent a quick message to Sophia that she had arrived and that the situation was better than expected, and that she would send another e-mail later when she had unpacked.
John prepared an evening meal for them all. Odette didn’t eat all her portion, but then he had given her a plate that was comparative to his. It was not wasted as Lis ate all that Odette left behind. He washed up, listening to Odette teach Lis a little more French. Lis, for her part, seemed to be more receptive to the teaching than she normally was. He left them to it I retreated back upstairs to his game.
Movement out the corner of his eye startled him. He looked to his doorway as he pulled his head phones off. With a great deal of difficulty, he forced his eyes to meet Odette’s.
“Sorry. I was engrossed.”
“I could see that...”
Odette was standing in his doorway, dressed in a rather thin and very clingy chemise and what looked like a matching pair of boxers. The chemise was long enough, just, to cover her boxers, but it had an open split up to her hip which hinted at what lay beneath.
It was such a French thing to wear, John thought. She was definitely, and very obviously not wearing a bra.
“I’m going to bed. It was a long noisy flight.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.” It was the most neutral thing he could think of. She nodded and turned away. He tried, he really did, to not watch her walk away. He failed.
Lis was gently snoring at her side. Her tail wrapped around Odette’s leg. She was starting to realise that this was Lis’s version of holding hands. She drafted an update to Sophia checked it over
: Hi, just a quick update as promised. The change of scenery appears to have done wonders for my daughter. I was worried that her father would be, well, himself. Turns out, he stepped up. I was expecting meals of Junk food, but no, proper meals with proper variety and vegetables and yes, she is eating them. A healthy diet and some fresh air has put a glow in her cheeks along with several pounds and a growth spurt. Her somewhat fractious nature has improved and she is displaying a more mature outlook to learning.
The weather though, has not proved to her liking and she displays an unwillingness to venture outside. That may well change come the summer months. At present, like most of her age group, she is a little too preoccupied with television, with nature programs currently her favourite. Especially those focused on dense forests.
I foresee an issue for when the holidays are over and she goes back to school. Being cooped up again could possibly lead to a deterioration in her personality which could make her disruptive in class. We may need to pre-empt that somehow, possibly bring in a school councillor? I’ll have a better understanding of the situation once I have spent a few days with her. If anything of interest transpires, I’ll update you accordingly.
Odette.:
It was good enough, didn’t reveal anything to eyes that shouldn’t be reading it. Odette sent it off, shut her laptop down, put it to the side and wriggled into a comfortable sleeping position, eliciting a grumble of complaint from Lis.
Something woke her up and Odette opened her eyes to see another set looking down at her. Odette let out a little yelp of surprise and fright. Lis cocked her own head In response.
“You gave me a fright Lis.” Odette remonstrated as she checked her watch. Ten past one in the morning. The bed was a little cold, as was her own in her own house. She had a heated blanket on her bed to counteract that, though there wasn’t one here. Lis slipped her hand into Odette’s and climbed off the bed, pulling at Odette, silently urging her to follow.
Confused, but curious, she allowed Lis to pull her from her semi warm slumber. Together, they padded bare foot through the chilly house into John’s bedroom. Still holding onto her, Lis climbed into the bed, pulling Odette forcefully with her. The bed was a lot warmer than Lis’s, though the bedding and the sheets appeared to be the same.
John, for his part, appeared oblivious. The heat was tempting though. Odette slipped into the bed expecting a tail to wrap around her leg. She heard the rustle of the duvet, but it appeared Lis’s tail had another victim in mind. She would give it a few moments and then slip back to Lis’s bed once Lis was asleep.
Just a few mo...
Odette gently came to consciousness as the weather outside determinately tried to gain access to the bedroom via the window.
The bed was pleasantly warm and she was in no hurry to leave.
The rest of her functions came online and she was acutely aware of the body pressing into her back and the body pressing into her front. Odette opened her eyes to the view of the back of Lis’s head. If Lis was in front ... It got worse. An arm was draped over her side, under her arm and the hand of that arm was cupping her breast. She froze. Her breath caught in her throat.
It had been quite a few years since a man had touched her so intimately. It was shocking and a little confusingly exciting at the same time. She had forgotten how good it felt to be in someone’s arms. To feel that closeness. But it was John, and she had never thought of him in that way. Ever. Yes, it was unsolicited, but equally, she was the one who had climbed into his bed. She took a reluctant, necessary breath, feeling his hand move with her inhale and then exhale.
Maybe if she gently moved his hand away? She could pretend it had never happened. She felt her nipple start to stiffen. As if things were not awkward enough. Lis let out a little yelp and Odette felt the duvet move as it responded to the actions of Lis’s limbs as they reacted to whatever she was dreaming about. She felt the breath on her hair stop as John woke to Lis’s exclamation.
What would he do. What should she do?
Odette feigned sleep. She felt John finally take a deep breath, forced to like she had been. She felt his hand open, slowly pull back from her breast. It paused, no doubt as he wondered what to do. The arm slowly began to slide out from under hers. She tried to keep her breathing steady, faking sleep.
The bed creaked loudly as he tried to shuffle back without waking her, creating a gap of unpleasantly cooler air between them. There was another loud creak and he must have unintentionally brushed his hand against Lis, as she stirred in turn. The bed creaked and the duvet momentarily tightened against her as he rolled over to face away from her.
Lis grumbled at the disturbance and rolled over herself. Her eyes met Odette’s. There was no feigning sleep now. A snake wriggled over her hip. Even knowing it was Lis’s tail did not calm the primeval shiver that went through her.
In the silence of the room she heard the thump of it hitting flesh. A grunt and the weary voice of John in return.
“Lis...”
For Odette, it was all very awkwardly uncomfortable.
John slipped from the bed, pulling on a top and a pair of trousers.
“Yes, I know what you want Lis. Odette can I make you anything, or just a tea and some muesli?”
There was not much point in feigning sleep now.
“Tea and muesli is fine, thank you John.”
“Bacon!”
John departed the room and Odette listened to him descend the stairs. Lis wrapped her limbs around her and started nuzzling into her neck very affectionately. A sudden distant memory re-surfaced.
François.
That was a name she had not thought about for years. They had been childhood friends, and inevitably, lovers, of a fashion. He had wanted to go all the way, she had been, reluctant. At first, it had been fear. But as the years progressed, the focus of the fear had changed. She was doing well academically, had plans, a future mapped out. A close friend had become pregnant, dropped out of school and to Odette, had totally changed. Her babies had become her everything, her career dreams melted away. That scared Odette, the loss of control, the loss of self, sacrificed for something so small and noisy.
François had wanted, had pushed, to be her first. She hadn’t been ready, physically or emotionally. She had insisted that he wore a condom, even though she was on the pill and had even taken emergency contraception the day after. It had not been the experience all the movies had made it out to be. The knowledge after the fact, that she hadn’t been ready, and the fact that he had pushed her when she didn’t want to be pushed, soured their relationship. She stopped returning his calls, avoided him at school, focussing more and more on her own academic abilities.
Eventually, boys, and then men, had become an unwanted distraction. Her work was everything, what gave her purpose and satisfaction.
And then she had held Lis in her arms that first time.
Something deep down inside of her had stirred, like the awakening of a Kraken, it’s tendrils stirring throughout her body. She didn’t know what it was, didn’t understand it, and that galled the scientist in her.
It galled her like how her body had reacted to the feel of John’s hand on her breast. The feelings her body supplied to her brain. A traitor in her midst.
Lis chirruped into Odette’s neck as her tail stroked Odette’s thigh, intensifying her unsettling and unfamiliar motherly instincts. And yet, if she could go back in time and change those first moments with Lis, she wouldn’t.
Pans clattered in the kitchen.
Odette pushed herself away from Lis, sniffing under an armpit. She needed a shower. They both did. She threw the duvet back, eliciting a growl of anger from Lis. Odette used the moment Lis let her go to retrieve the duvet, to slip from her grasp and the bed. She padded into Lis’s bedroom and retrieved her wash bag, towel and a fresh change of clothes from her luggage. Back in John’s room, she entered and left the door open to the ensuite. She turned on the shower, set the temperature high and disrobed as she waited for the water to get hot. Lis was watching her from the warmth of the bed.
This was probably the first time Lis had ever seen another woman naked. Odette stepped into the shower. It was glorious. She stretched, a little moan of simple pleasure escaping her lips. The glass of the shower was not opaque, so she could see that Lis had sat up.
Washing Lis had always been a trial. Especially so once she had started to grow both her claws and in her stature. It inevitably meant, that out of the three of them, it had fallen to Odette to bathe Lis. Normally via unscented wet wipes or a damp cloth. Lis was very much like a house cat when it came to water. Something to be avoided at all costs.
Liz climbed out of bed and cautiously approached the glass. Odette watched her approach. Lis had changed so much in the week since she had been gone. Dare she think it, but matured would be the word she was tempted to use. As much as she was really annoyed with what John had done, there was no denying the positive effects it seemed to have had on Lis.
Odette angled the shower nozzle so the spray was clear of the door and opened it.
“Are you coming in Lis?”
“Wet!”
“I know, but it’s a good wet.”
“Wet!”
“Come on...”
Lis approached very warily and Odette held out her hand, which Lis slowly took. Odette gently pulled her towards the doorway.
“Wet!”
“Viens rejoindre maman...”
Odette gently pulled her into the enclosure and shut the door.
“Pas comme! Not Like! Not like!” Lis was trembling.
“Shhh, it’s okay Lis...” Odette held her, partly to comfort her, partly to stop her bolting. She hadn’t used her claws yet, so that was both progress and an improvement. Odette had faint scars on her arms from disastrous attempts to bathe an infant Lis in bowls of varying depths and temperatures.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Maman is here.” The shaking slowly subsided and Odette risked moving to the side slightly to let more water fall on Lis. “See? It’s okay.”
In response, Lis pressed her head into Odette’s stomach, pushing her body against Odette’s legs, trying to use Odette as a shield as much as possible from the falling drops. In response, Odette moved her hands to Lis’s back, to the top of the dress’s zip. She slid it down and gently worked the dress over Lis’s shoulders.
“Do you want the water warmer?”
Lis shook her head.
“Drop your arms.”
Lis dropped her arms, allowing the sodden dress to fall to the tray with a wet thump.
“Good girl.”
John had unscented soap and Odette used that to lather up Lis’s hair. The water that was running into the plug, became darker.