Traces of Desire
Copyright© 2025 by Big Ed Magusson
Chapter 4
I watched Lori walk away for far too long. Her words—no, her tone—still rang in my ears. She hadn’t been at all upset that I’d seen her naked. Well, in just her panties. I couldn’t forget the sight of those, either. Still, she hadn’t been upset.
Michelle sauntered over. “Dad wants to go to the Boulder Bookstore.”
“He buying?”
She shrugged, which meant probably not.
“Sure.”
Len waved from the front of the restaurant. “See you back at the dorm!”
I nodded and returned the wave. Then my eyes moved to Lori, who was also waving at me.
I couldn’t help smiling and waving in return.
“Geez,” Michelle said. “Wipe the drool off, will you?”
I glared at her. “I’m not drooling.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yeah, well what do you know?”
“A lot!”
“Yeah, right.”
“I was right about Andrea. Remember?”
I actually did...
I looked up from my desk when I sensed someone in my bedroom doorway. I needed to let the glue dry on the Christmas card I was making for Andrea anyway.
Michelle leaned against the doorjamb, her arms crossed.
“Yeah?”
Her eyes dropped to the card. She sighed.
“What?” I snapped.
“She’s not right for you, you know.”
“Yeah, and what would you know about it?”
“That she’s not right for you,” Michelle repeated.
“She’s perfect!”
“She’s too fussy,” Michelle shot back.
“She’s not fussy,” I huffed.
“Oh, yeah?”
“She’s not!”
Michelle just looked at me with pity.
“She’s not,” I repeated. “She’s just ... particular.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I waved a dismissive hand. “She’s smart and she’s thoughtful and she loves me. And I love her.”
Michelle rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Anyway, it’s time for dinner.”
I was still thinking about Michelle’s opinion as we reached the bookstore. I had loved Andrea. Deeply. At least I’d thought I did. And she hadn’t been too fussy...
... except, well...
Michelle wasn’t entirely wrong.
I sighed and pushed it out of my mind. It didn’t exactly matter anymore, anyway. I had to remind myself of that. I hated that I had to remind myself of that. But I needed to move on.
We browsed for a while in the bookstore. Dad spent most of the time in the history section, which didn’t surprise me. I wandered pretty much everywhere. I wasn’t planning on buying anything. Better to save my money until I found out what the University Library had.
Then to my surprise, Dad, one of the most financially tight-fisted men I knew, actually bought me a book. Admittedly, it was from the used books section, but it was in pretty good shape.
“I know you like his reviews,” he said as he handed it to me.
I smiled when I saw Roger Ebert’s picture. “Yeah ... I do.”
He nodded. His return smile was a bit more nervous than I expected. Was his tough guy facade cracking?
“Well,” he said gruffly, “don’t spend all your time watching movies.”
“I won’t.” I was genuinely touched.
You gotta do well in class, you know.”
“Don’t worry. I will.”
I collected goodbye hugs from my family in front of the dorm. The traffic had dissipated, which I suspected was the real reason Dad had suggested the bookstore stop. He actually hugged me instead of giving me the handshake I’d expected, before I got the more usual squeezes from Mom and Michelle. Mom didn’t quite tear up, which was a relief, although she did ask me to go to church again.
I stood on the curb, watching, until they’d driven out of sight. I wasn’t quite sure what to feel. Mixed, at best. When I couldn’t see their lights anymore, I turned back to the dorm. Light poured from most of the windows, and a mix of music bounced and echoed around the courtyard. As cacophonous as it was, now it was home.
I arrived at my room to find Len sitting on the edge of his desk and chatting with two girls. Err ... women. A slim brunette and a chubbier blonde. Conversation slowed when I walked in.
“ ... but that’s why he’s a musical genius,” Len finished saying.
The brunette in my chair gave me a lazy smile. “Hey.”
“Hey, Mike,” Len said. “This is Julie,” he indicated the one in my chair, “and Karin.”
The blonde in his chair nodded and gave me a three-finger wave.
“They’re down on the second floor,” Len continued.
“Right across from the bathroom.” Karin wrinkled her nose.
“At least it’s not a tower room,” Julie said.
“Yeah. Ugh.”
“What’s wrong with them?” I asked.
“Four to a room?” Julie snorted. “No thanks.”
“Yeah,” Len agreed. “No thanks.”
I nodded. That sounded miserable. Way too many ways you could come to hate your roommates when you had three of them.
“It’s gonna be bad for you guys.” Julie pointed at the ceiling.
I frowned, and then realized we were right underneath one of the tower rooms.
“Why?” Len asked.
“I have a friend who lived here last year,” Julie said. “She says the tower rooms are where all the parties are. Loud parties.”
“Great,” I muttered.
“Eh,” Len said. “It won’t be that bad. There are quiet hours.”
I nodded. I’d remembered something like that in the paperwork, but I’d have to read it again to be sure.
“That presumes they’re enforced,” Julie said.
“If they aren’t?” I asked.
“Just go crash the party!” Karin said. “What are they going to do, stop you?”
Len shrugged agreement.
“I’m serious,” Karin continued. This one time, on a ski trip, the people in the condo above us threw this raging party. So of course we crashed it! There must’ve been fifty people there, and they had a ton of booze...”
Karin continued describing this “raging party” and all the things she and her friends had seen at it, including people doing coke in the bathroom. She talked non-stop for several minutes, raising her voice whenever it looked like Len or Julie might try to jump in with a comment.
I couldn’t help it. My eyes glazed. I thought back to the last bad party I’d been at...
The party was so loud and crowded, I was sure the neighbors would call the cops. I wondered if Craig had talked to them or something. Even without a blaring stereo, the noise had to be filtering into their houses. Maybe it wasn’t enough to keep them from sleeping.
Andrea and I stood in Craig’s living room with Kelly and Ann. We’d tried to talk, but we’d finally just given up. With fifteen other people in the room, it was just too loud.
Finally, Kelly looked at me until he was sure he had my attention and then hooked his thumb at the back door. I nodded, and the four of us headed out to the backyard.
It was one of those warm December nights in Colorado, which meant it was cold. Like an outdoor ice rink. Andrea shivered and I wrapped my arms around her.
“This sucks,” Kelly said.
“No kidding,” I said. “Do you want to get out of here?”
He nodded.
“I thought you wanted to hang out with new people,” Ann said.
“Yeah, but...” He shook his head. “Not if we can’t talk.”
Andrea shivered again, and I rubbed her shoulder.
“Hey,” I said, Let’s go to Denny’s, Hot chocolate for my lady.” I slipped my arm around Andrea and gave her a squeeze. She stiffened in surprise.
“Yeah,” Kelly said, “let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
Back in the real world, Len laughed at something I hadn’t heard. I laughed along desperately trying to recall the punchline I hadn’t paid attention to. When Karin laughed, wow. A full horse guffaw. Not nearly as melodic as Lori.
Len changed the subject and turned to Julie. “So do you ski?”
“Not a fan.” She shrugged indifferently.
“Why not?”