Traces of Desire
Copyright© 2025 by Big Ed Magusson
Chapter 18
I slept in late Sunday morning. When I awoke, I belatedly remembered my promise to look for a church. No way did I actually want to attend one. I was definitely starting to like sleeping in. Not to mention getting to skip getting dressed up so I could listen to some preacher drone on about how I needed to repent. I’d never really gotten that anyway. If God loved us, why did He care about whether we believed in him or not?
But theology aside, Mom would ask. So maybe I could walk by one and then honestly tell her I’d “checked it out.” It wouldn’t technically be lying...
I sighed. I really hated deceiving my mother. My stomach clenched at even the thought. But what was the alternative? I couldn’t tell her I wasn’t interested in church any more than I could tell her I was sexually active. So ... I’d walk by a church.
I did a little research after breakfast. Fortunately, Boulder churches advertised in the campus paper. After consulting a map, I found one close enough for a short walk.
It wasn’t impressive. The building was clearly 1950s construction with the red brick, the slanted roof, and the drive-through carport. I saw a few people outside and the sign said the service was underway. The name and denomination were easy to remember. I repeated them to myself a couple of times until I had them down, in case Mom asked.
The rest of the morning, I worked on the adventure that I’d be DMing that afternoon. I probably spent too much time on it because I wanted everything to be perfect. I was really looking forward to playing with Britt. I wanted to impress her with my creativity.
I caught myself thinking about that. Wasn’t I into Liz just the day before? Moving from one woman to another was a Len thing to do. Except ... Liz and I were just going to be friends. So I really wasn’t.
I was okay with that.
I liked Liz a lot. But if I was honest, just a friendship was going to be fine.
The D&D game went well. Near the end of the session, they came across a large cave. While they were debating what do to, an ogre charged out. It was well above their level and the battle was tough. It went back and forth until Carmen’s barbarian leaped off a rock while swinging her axe and dealt a critical hit.
“Yes!” She pumped her fists in the air. Her breasts bounced as she did, but I was learning to ignore them. Most of the time.
“You did it, babe!” Joey kissed her on the cheek and she beamed before looking at me.
“The ogre falls to his knees, and then to his face,” I said. “He’s dead.”
Britt and the guys cheered.
“We loot the body,” Carmen said.
I paused for dramatic effect. Britt caught it.
“What about the cave entrance?” She asked.
I looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.
Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips. Then she reached for the dice.
“I raise my bow,” she said.
“Just in time!” I said. “Another ogre bursts out of the cave entrance waving a huge club!”
“I shoot!”
And just like that, they were into another roaring battle that left everyone happily satisfied when it was done.
We took a break after the fight with the ogres. It was getting late in the afternoon, too. I came out of the bathroom to find Bill and Keith had already left. Joey and Carmen’s voices came from the kitchen while Britt gathered up the dirty snack plates around the living room.
“Can I help?” I asked. Without waiting for her answer, I picked up a mostly empty drinking glass.
She smiled. “Oh, that’d be nice.”
I grabbed the plates on my side of the card table and more drink glasses while she picked up the rest.
“Congratulations on that second ogre,” I said.
She smiled. “I knew there had to be more than one.”
“Well, you put it together at just the right time.”
She smiled. “That was fun.”
“Yeah, it was.” I smiled. “I’m glad Joey wanted to do it.”
“It was Carmen’s idea.”
“Oh?” I was surprised at that.
“Mmm hmm. She talked us into it when we went to the Renaissance Festival.”
“Ah.”
“Apparently her brothers played.”
I nodded. That was one of the few ways I’d known girls to get interested in the game. “So you’re enjoying it?”
“Oh, I am.” Her grin grew even broader, her blue eyes wider. “I really am.”
I smiled back. But before I could think of what to say next, Carmen poked his head out of the living room.
“Hey,” she said. “We could use the rest of those glasses.”
“Ah, yes.” Britt looked at the ones in her hands. “Carmen hates having dirty dishes sitting around.”
I chuckled. “Then we better take this in.”
“Thanks for helping.” She smiled again, but whatever spark had gone between us had faded. So we took our glasses and plates into the kitchen where Joey already had his hands in a sink full of soapy water. After a little bit of small talk, I said my farewells and headed back to the dorm.
I was halfway up the dorm stairs when I heard footsteps clattering behind me.
“Hey, Mike!”
I turned to see Len and Lori bounding up the steps. He was slightly in the lead, but my eyes immediately moved to her. Both were smiling even as they took the stairs two at a time.
“Hey,” I said, “you’re back!”
“Obviously,” Len said as they reached the landing I was on.
“You going to be here for a while?” I asked Lori, my heart already beginning to race.
“Yeah. You guys have to buy me dinner.”
“We do?” The thought intrigued me at the same time I felt the pain in my wallet.
“You think I’m driving all the way down here just to turn around and drive back?” she teased. “Besides, I kind of like having two guys taking me out.”
“Even if one of them’s your brother?” I asked.
“Especially if one of them’s my brother.” She smirked at him and he rolled his eyes. I was sure he was thinking about his wallet, too.
I used the moment to look her over. She wore a CSU t-shirt that reminded me of the one from the first day I met her. I had a momentary memory flash of her bare breasts, but had the self-control to not stare at his chest. Instead, I met her eyes and her smile.
She sparkled and my heart skipped.
“I brought more movies.” Only then did I notice Len was carrying a box of VHS tapes.
“Cool,” I said. “Oh, we watched your copy of Casablanca last night.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“Nah, I don’t mind at all. C’mon.” He nodded toward the stairs up to our room.
Once we got there, he set the box on his desk and turned to me and Lori. “Walk to the Hill or go somewhere else?”
“Somewhere else,” Lori said.
“You sure?” I was worried what “somewhere else” would cost.
“How about Pearl Street?” Len suggested.
“Ooh!” Lori said. “We can go to the bookstore!”
“That’s a bit of a hike,” I said.
Lori smiled. “I’ve got the car.”
I perked up. There had to be something that wasn’t too expensive near the bookstore. Besides ... it could be fun.
Len nodded. “Then let’s go.”
We reached the bookstore and promptly headed off in three different directions. I started in the used book section but ultimately decided not to buy anything. I did find some interesting books, but decided to save my money. I was spending far more than I’d planned on restaurants and was feeling a bit broke. Besides, I could probably get the books from the library.
Still, I enjoyed browsing and it didn’t cost a thing. I found the “new book” smell on the edge of intoxicating, and on a Sunday evening, the large bookstore was busy but not crowded. I left the used book section and wandered most of the first floor. I didn’t see Lori or Len so I made my way up to the second floor.
There I found Len sitting in a stuffed chair near the film section. He had a large photo book in his lap and had his head bent over it. I almost laughed, since he just about literally had his nose in the book. He didn’t look up as he slowly turned the page.
I smirked. I’d been there, possibly looking at the very same book back when I’d visited with my family on the first day of school. Len seemed to be enjoying himself so I decided to leave him alone.
I didn’t spot Lori in the main room on the second floor, so I decided to head to the secondary room. That’s where all the Eastern spirituality and religion books were kept and I’d only poked my head in during my first visit. Mom had been with me and frowned at all the books on Buddhism and New Age thought.
I walked down the three steps into the room proper and strolled down the main aisle. I spotted categories about stuff I’d barely heard about. Transcendentalism? If that wasn’t a Boulder topic, I didn’t know what was.
I hadn’t spotted Lori so I turned around and blinked in surprise. There was a little nook to the right of the stairs and I’d walked right by it. The sign identified it as the Sexuality section.
Lori took in the middle. She spotted me and smiled. Then she slid the book she was looking at onto an upper shelf and grabbed a tall, glossy paperback from a lower one.
My eyebrows rose when she beckoned me over.
The Illustrated Kama Sutra.
Lori was holding The Illustrated Kama Sutra.
Why had the room temperature shot up so much? My face was warm, and I could acutely feel the hot overhead fluorescent lights as I closed to her side.
Lori gave me a mischievous grin. I glanced at the cover to make sure I’d gotten the book right. I had. I looked at the shelves. Yep, we were in the human sexuality section.
Meanwhile, Lori stood there. She smirked and held the book up. “Do you know this one?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged.
She nodded and flipped it open. “Which position did you like?”
“Uh...” My heart hammered. “I, um, haven’t actually read it.”
“Oh.” She flipped it open to an early page. “Okay. Well, it’s not as salacious as you might think. Here, look.”
I shifted so I was standing next to her so we could look at the book in her hands together. We didn’t quite touch, but I could feel her body heat. The fine hairs on her arm stood out as I breathed in the scent of her hair. It was intoxicating.
“See?” She pointed to a picture with the woman straddling the man. You couldn’t actually see any genitals, though from the text it was obvious what they were doing.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
She slowly flipped through the pages, an amused smile on her face. My heart raced. This was too ... surreal for me to be hard but ... too out of my depth to feel comfortable.
As the positions became more ... creative ... Lori slowed her flipping. We took a few seconds to look at each page. She pointed at one where the guy was standing while the woman’s face was almost on the ground, like she was a wheelbarrow.
“I can’t imagine anyone actually doing that,” she quipped.
“Yeah. You’d have to be a gymnast. Or a contortionist.”
She grinned. “I’m not even sure it’s possible.”
“Not outside the circus.”
She laughed. “Now there’s a thought. Circus sex.”
I chuckled. “Yeah.” Then I changed my tone to that of an announcer. “Ladies and Gentlemen. In the center ring our acrobats will demonstrate the Kama Sutra.”
She laughed. “Now that’d be a show.”
“That’s probably how they did it. Back then.” I gestured at the page. “They’re all acrobats.”
She grinned and turned the page. We continued flipping through the book before she paused again.
“So ... what’s your favorite?”
“Uh ... favorite?”
“Position.” She gestured at the current page, which was another wildly gymnastic feat.
“Oh ... I don’t know...”
“Don’t tell me it’s missionary.”
I blinked. “What’s wrong with missionary?”
“Oh, nothing. I mean, it works for everyone.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Besides, you can actually kiss.”
“Mmm. True.”
“That makes it better,” I added.
“Mmm.” She met my eyes and hers had turned warm. “Sounds like you’re a romantic.”
“I guess I kind of am. Well, used to be.”
“Used to be?”
“Yeah...” I shook my head. I didn’t want to tell her about all the roses I’d bought for Andrea. “Long story.”
“Ex-girlfriend?”
“Yeah.”
She nodded. “I understand.” She gently took the book from my hands and quietly put it back on the shelf.
“C’mon,” she said. “Let’s go find Len.”
We found Len exactly where I’d seen him before. This time, he looked up when he heard us approaching. He blinked and then gave us a sheepish grin.
“Just buy it,” Lori said.
“I think I will.”
“Good. I’m starving.”
He smiled and stood. “Then let’s go.”
We headed down to the checkout counter. Lori had picked up a copy of Stephen King’s new book It. I was amused that the display for it was pretty small. If we’d been in a mall bookstore, it would’ve filled the full front of the store.
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