Traces of Desire
Copyright© 2025 by Big Ed Magusson
Chapter 15
I got back from my morning classes to find Len had returned. He looked weary but had a non-stop grin. I rolled my eyes.
“You left early,” I commented.
“Yeah. I picked up breakfast and took it to Denise and Debbie.”
“To thank them for letting us park the car there.”
“Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.”
I pursed my lips. He was only agreeing because I said it.
“Ready for lunch?” he asked.
“Didn’t you just have breakfast?”
“Nah, that was a while ago. I’m starving.”
I nodded. Yeah, if I’d been bonking the D&D twins, I’d be hungry, too.
We walked into the cafeteria to see Liz and Sandy at a table near the entrance. I started to wave but caught myself. Maybe Len didn’t want the attention. But it was too late. Sandy spotted us and waved at us.
Len’s demeanor shifted. He went from wary to forced friendly.
“Are we going to join them?” I asked quietly as we got in line for food.
“It’d be rude not to.”
I shrugged. I wasn’t entirely sure politeness was the worry of the moment.
Unfortunately, lunch was Chicken Cosmos, which were basically crispy chicken sandwiches with a fancy name. Len and some of the guys on our floor loved them. I found them—meh. But I had to smirk when we joined the ladies at the table. Liz had gone for the eternal PB&J, an option for those who hated the entree. She saw my matching tray and grinned.
“Hey, Len.” Sandy’s tone was friendly, her disposition sunny. “Have a good visit home?”
“Mmm hmm. But, hey, I’m sorry I didn’t stop by yesterday. My sister showed up early and I didn’t get home until late...”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Yeah. It was so busy.” He shrugged. “Sorry.”
That seemed to mollify her.
“By the way,” Len said, “did Mike tell you we now have a VCR?”
“Cool!” Liz said.
Len smiled at her enthusiasm.
“He brought down his tape collection, too,” I said. “I’ll get mine in a couple of weeks.”
Liz smiled and picked up her sandwich.
“So we can watch movies in your room now?” Sandy asked
“From time to time.” Len took a bite of his sandwich.
“Oh.” Her eager energy faded at his blasé response.
“What sort of movies?” Liz asked.
“A variety,” Len answered. We talked about his collection for a few minutes. I was impressed with the diversity and asked a bunch of questions. We were about to get into way too much detail when Sandy shoved her empty tray forward a few inches.
“Sorry,” Len said. “We were being rude.”
She smiled.
“What else would you like to talk about?”
“Well ... I heard about this big party in one of the quads on Friday.”
“Ah,” Len said. “I’m going home for the weekend.”
“You were just home.” Sandy’s brow furrowed.
“And I’m going home again. My mom needs some help around the house and my dad’s on one of his long business trips.”
“Oh.”
“You should go to the party, though,” Len urged. “It could be fun.”
She looked questioningly at Liz, who thought for a moment before turning to me.
“I’ll go if you go.”
I blinked in surprise. “Sure.”
The rest of Monday went by with classes and studying. Tuesday, I took advantage of Len’s morning absence to get out my Playboy. Then I headed off for my classes, which ended with my chemistry lab.
Which was a disaster. My lab partner at least did stuff, but he couldn’t follow the written directions at all. I wondered if he might be indifferent, given how he completely skipped steps from time to time. We had to redo the experiment several times. Needless to say, I was in a foul mood as I walked back to the room.
It didn’t improve when I pulled up short in front of my door. There was a rubber band around the knob.
“Really?” I muttered. It was five-thirty and I wanted to dump my stuff. I certainly didn’t want to hike down four flights of stairs to the TV lounge and wait there. I wondered if I could just hang out in one of the other guys’ rooms for a while. But none of the doors were open and I really didn’t want to knock.
But while I was standing there thinking about it, the door opened. Julie jerked back in surprise.
“Oh, it’s you. Hey, Mike,” she said. She gave me a very relaxed grin.
I stepped to the side, but she didn’t come out. Instead, she turned toward our beds.
“And thanks, Len,” she said. “Same time next week?”
“Yeah, that’d be awesome.”
Then she passed me with a nod.
I walked in as Len strode from his bed to his desk. He’d thrown on sweatpants but was still shirtless. The room stank of sex.
“Sorry about that, dude,” he said. “We must’ve just lost track of time.” He pulled open his bottom desk drawer and got out some incense.
That just annoyed me further. Just lost track of time?
“Yeah..., well ... next week?”
“We’ll be done before you get back. Promise.” He set the incense in the holder and lit it. Soon the dark, musky scent filled the room.
I wrinkled my nose. “So this is gonna be a regular thing?”
Len started at my tone and looked at me.
“Sorry. I know it’s your room, too. We’ll be done. I mean it.”
“Really?”
He shrugged. “What can I say?”
I snorted and rolled my eyes.
“Uh ... are you okay with that?”
“You and Julie? Yeah.” I shrugged. “It’s your life.”
“What do you mean by it’s my life? Do you have a problem?”
“You’ve been here, what, less than two weeks and you’ve slept with four women. Don’t you care about them?”
“I do care about them!”
I sank into my chair. “Don’t you want a real relationship?”
“Define real.”
“Uhh ... Sandy?”
He scoffed. “Listen, dude, I don’t understand what your problem is.”
I started to retort and caught myself. Why was I snapping at him?
The chemistry lab. That’s what had gotten me in a bad mood, but before I could apologize, he continued.
“I just want something different. I do care about them, even if we’re not monogamous.”
“What do you mean not monogamous?”
“I’m not dating anyone seriously.”
“Don’t you want something serious?”
“Some day. Not now.”
That made sense! Dad sometimes talked about how he’d “sowed his wild oats” when he’d been in the army. Mom hadn’t liked hearing it, but that hadn’t stopped him.
“So it’s not serious,’ he said. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them.”
I was still trying to wrap my mind around it. “And they’re okay with it?”
“Julie is. Denise and Debbie, too. Sandy...” He sighed. “That was a mistake.”
“Yeah.”
“I told her...,” he grumbled and studied his feet.
“Yeah, you did.”
“Not my fault,” he muttered. He looked up at me. “Yeah, but the others don’t have a problem. Why do you?”
I let out a long breath. “Sorry,” I said. “I was ticked off because of chemistry and getting locked out—”
“Sorry about that.”
“Yeah. And ... it just ... blows my mind.”
“What?”
“That they’re okay with it!”
“Why wouldn’t they be?”
I thought for a moment and composed my words.
“I was in a monogamous relationship for almost a year,” I said. “All my friends were in long-term relationships. I ... I didn’t know any women who would’ve been happy with your arrangement.”
“You do now.”
“Yeah ... it’s just ... different. I get a guy sowing his wild oats. I’d just never thought of a girl doing it.”
“That’s exactly what Julie’s doing.”
I conceded with a nod.
We sat in silence for a bit as I thought, but then Len stirred. He picked up his lighter and started playing with it again.
“I think...,” I began, “I can understand someone like Julie. She really doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Nope.”
“But she still wants sex.”
He chuckled. “Yeah.”
“So that’s where you come in.”
He shrugged. “Yep. She knows I won’t get clingy like some other guys.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
“So you’re okay with it?”
“With what?”
“Julie liking sex.”
I laughed. “Uh, yeah. I wish more women liked sex.”
He grinned.
“The more they like sex, the more we get sex.” It hadn’t been my personal experience, but that had been Andrea...
Len interrupted before I could drift off into my head. “If you’re good at it, they come back.”
“Now you’re just bragging,” I teased.
He smirked.
I snorted softly and shook my head.
“What?”
“I don’t know how you do it,” I admitted.
“I’ve had a lot of practice.”
“Whereas I’ve had almost none.”
He nodded acknowledgment.
I sat, stewing in my frustration. Len wasn’t particularly handsome, or athletic, or rich. But women flocked to him. Yeah, he was a cool guy, and he obviously knew how to treat women, but ... he wasn’t that much better than me.
“So ... this is college,” he said after a bit. “You can get some practice if you want.”
“Yeah.” I nodded in agreement.
“In the meantime, I’m starved. Let’s go get dinner.”
“Good idea.”
We ate dinner with some of the guys from the floor. We didn’t see Liz or Sandy or Julie, which was probably for the best. After dinner, we returned to the room and I waited until the long-distance rates dropped. I needed to call Michelle and wish her happy birthday but Dad would not be pleased if I called too early.
When I did call, Michelle picked up.
“Hey!” I said. “Happy birthday!”
“Thanks,” Michelle replied.
“So how does it feel to be a grown-up?”
“Fine.” Her tone was flat.
“What? You don’t like it?”
“Oh ... I do.” Still monotone.
“Mom and Dad are right there, aren’t they?”
“Mmm hmm.”
I grimaced. “They both there?”
“Mmm hmm.”
Ah. That meant they weren’t listening in on the extension, which was good.
“Well, I’ll tell you what,” I said, “next time I’m home, we’ll go out for a beer. We won’t tell Mom and Dad.”
“We will?” Her tone shifted to upbeat.
“Yeah. What are big brothers for?”
“Oh, I can’t wait!” While her words were sarcastic, I could detect her happy tone underneath.
I chuckled. “So tell me about the rest of your birthday.”
She did and it was pretty much the usual. Mom had made a cake and her presents from them were mostly clothes and a couple of books. We kept it short, because we both knew Dad would be watching the clock and worrying about the long-distance charges. But still, it was good to talk to her. We didn’t have the easy camaraderie of Lori and Len, but we still liked each other, which was pretty cool.
“So Mom and Dad want to talk to you,” she said.
After that, she passed the phone to Mom. I waited until Dad got on the extension and then filled them in on my classes and life in general.
“Have you found a church you like?” Mom asked.
“No. I’ve been busy.”
“You need to,” Mom urged.
I winced and didn’t say anything.
“It’s important,” Mom said. “Please. Find a church. I’m sure there are some nice ones really close to campus.”
I grimaced. “I’ll look.”
“Before Sunday?”
“Yeah. I’ll look before Sunday.”
That seemed to mollify her. We talked a little bit more before Dad suggested that I needed to study, which I knew was his way of getting us off the phone and saving long-distance charges.
I hung up, somehow feeling even more disconnected from my family than I had before. I wasn’t sure I liked it. Even worse, I’d just flat-out lied to my mother. I wasn’t going to go looking for a church. I didn’t like that feeling at all.
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