Traces of Desire
Copyright© 2025 by Big Ed Magusson
Chapter 11
Ann didn’t throw up on our walk across campus to her dorm in Kittredge. Apparently, she’d purged the worst of it. It was a warm night, so we took our time. I kept close to her, sometimes with an arm around her, but she didn’t stumble. Her balance was good. Her heart was not.
Once we were away from Joey’s house, she talked nearly nonstop about Kelly. Most of it I knew. I’d even been there for some of it. They’d had good times, but now her words were tinged with regret.
It beat crying, I supposed.
About halfway across campus, the bitterness changed to despair.
“Did I do anything wrong?” She asked plaintively.
I didn’t know what to say.
“What did I do?” she repeated. The sniffles had returned.
I put a comforting arm around her. “It’s not your fault.”
“How do you know?”
“I know you. I know Kelly. He’s ... he didn’t deserve you.”
That brought a teary smile.
“So maybe just hold onto the good memories.”
She slowly nodded.
“I know we had a lot of fun together. I certainly had fun with you.”
She smiled again and took a deep breath.
“You’re such a nice guy,” she said.
I returned a smile because I didn’t know what to say.
“I should’ve dated you instead.”
I snorted softly. “You were always Kelly’s girl.”
“And what if no one else wants me?” The sniffles were returning.
“Oh, that won’t be a problem,” I reassured her. “You’re pretty. You’re kind. And you’re sexy.”
“I don’t know about that,” she muttered.
“You are!” I waggled my eyes, trying to make her laugh or at least smile.
She stared at me in disbelief.
“We’ve spent a lot of time together,” I insisted. “I know you. And Kelly’s an idiot for dumping you.”
She snorted.
“He is. No way I would’ve dumped you. Especially by letter. Kelly’s an idiot. A world-class idiot. Trust me, I know.”
She actually laughed at that. A small laugh, more of a chuckle, but still.
“He’s an idiot,” I repeated. “You can do better.”
She eyed me warily.
“You can,” I dropped my hand from her shoulder to her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I guarantee it.”
“Oh.”
She remained silent as we continued walking, holding hands. The tears had stopped. I couldn’t quite see her face in the dark, but I sensed some calmness. I figured maybe she’d be all right.
Ann’s dorm was surprisingly quiet for how early in the evening it still was. I guessed a lot of people were out. Her roommate was, at least. Ann led me to a simply furnished room and kicked off her shoes. They hadn’t lofted the beds, so we sat side-by-side on Ann’s.
She looked better. Or at least she didn’t look any worse. Her eyes still didn’t track easily, but she breathed normally. Even better, she actually smiled at me. I put my arm around her and held her gently.
After a bit, she stared down at her red blouse, which had a few small spots of vomit on it. She grabbed a washcloth and dabbed at them, but they’d already dried. After a moment, she sighed in resignation.
“I bought this for Kelly,” she said quietly. “His favorite color.”
“Really?” I was sure his favorite color was blue.
“Yeah...” She gave me a naughty smirk.
I pursed my lips in amusement.
“He liked it when I wore red.”
“Okay...”
“Said I was the sexiest woman alive.”
“Well,” I laughed. “That’s something.”
She nodded.
I gestured at her top. “It is nice.”
She gave me a half-focused smile before looking down at her blouse. “Not this.”
“Then what?”
She grinned broadly, like only drunks can do. At least she’d moved to happy drunk. Then she leaned her head next to mine, and said in a loud conspiratorial whisper, “My panties.”
I chuckled nervously. “Red?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Those must be some panties.”
She nodded, big and deep. “Very sexy.” Her eyes went sideways as she thought.
I gave her a squeeze and then pulled my arm from around her. She stood, a little unsteadily, and gave me a smile before walking over to her dresser. She opened the top drawer and started rummaging around it.
I froze. What the heck was she doing?
Triumphantly, she turned and held out a pair of lacy, see-through ruby-red panties. She grinned at me. “See?”
“Very sexy,” I said, mimicking her earlier line.
She nodded and looked down at her blouse again.
“I should take this off.”
“Yeah. You should get ready for bed.”
She smirked. I smiled back.
“Wait here.” She grabbed a robe out of her closet and her toiletry kit. “Be right back.”
“Uhh...” Before I could say more, she’d opened the door and headed out.
I sat quietly as my nerves started to rise. This wasn’t ... this wasn’t quite right. But I couldn’t abandon her. She was still really drunk. If I could get her to drink some water and lay down, maybe she could sleep it off. I just hadn’t seen her acting like this before. Well, once, after a party in high school, but she’d been with Kelly so I hadn’t paid close attention. This time, she’d gone from depressed to manic and I was the only one around.
After a couple of minutes, the door opened. Ann stepped in and tossed a bundle of clothes and her toiletry kit in the general vicinity of her closet. Her robe hung loosely, not really tied. It exposed the front of her red panties. She closed the door and then returned to sitting by my side.
“You like me, right?”
“Yeah...”
She nuzzled into my side, her head against my neck. Then she reached over, turned my head to hers, and kissed me on the mouth.
Surprised, I kissed her back out of habit. But after a minute, I realized what I was doing and pulled back. My eyes wide.
Her robe gaped open enough to make it clear she was topless. Her breasts were full and heavy. The one areola I could see was quite large, but her nipple was soft.
I swallowed hard.
She feathered kisses up to my jaw.
“Uh...” I gently pushed her away.
“Don’t you want me?”
“We’ve been friends for a long time—”
She moved quickly and straddled my lap. Before I could react, she kissed me on the mouth again.
I didn’t return the kiss. She pulled back, wide-eyed.
“You’re drunk.”
“But do you want me?” She leaned in to kiss me again.
“Uh—Ann!” I pushed her off. “No! This isn’t right!”
“But—!” She leaned back, and the robe slipped from her shoulders to her forearms, completely exposing her breasts.
Surprised, I stared at them.
“You like?”
“Yeah ... but ... it’s not right!” I said. “You’re ... You’re drunk.”
I managed to shift her onto the mattress next to me. She stared at me with wide, hurt eyes.
“We can’t.” My voice was firm.
She looked me in the eyes. Hers wavered. She took a deep breath. Then she flopped on her side and started to cry.
I awoke late, in my own bed, in an empty room. Len hadn’t come home. Not that I was particularly surprised. I almost hadn’t myself. But not for the same reason.
After Ann cried herself to sleep, I sat with her for a long time. I thought I might have to spend the night, but then her roommate finally returned. The woman had not been happy to see me, or Ann for that matter, but had agreed to take over caring for her. I’d left a note and my phone number and then went back to my room where I lay awake for a long, long time.
I knew I’d done the right thing by not sleeping with Ann. I felt a little guilty about not telling her about Kelly and Cindy. But I hadn’t known for sure he was cheating. It’d just felt like it.
I also felt guilty for kissing her. And staring at her naked breasts. I knew I shouldn’t’ve have done either, but ... I’m a guy. No way I could help myself. A topless woman kissing me...
... well, what if she hadn’t been so drunk? Would I have...?
I might’ve. I hated myself for thinking that. If I was honest, I didn’t really want to sleep with her anyway. I couldn’t exactly explain why. It just ... felt wrong.
But I’d already spent way, way too long thinking about it instead of sleeping. And I needed to get a move on if I didn’t want to miss breakfast.
With a tired sigh, I dragged myself out of bed.
I sat alone at a table in the corner of the cafeteria. I focused on my food as my mind kept churning over the events of the night before.
“Mind if I join you?”
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