Chapter 15

Annabella started seeing a therapist for her eating disorder. It was a turning point in their relationship. She slowly began to open up to him. Their relationship became deeper and more real.

Her life had been an act, a constant and exhausting attempt to hide her bulimia. Once she stopped acting, she could slowly let the real Bella shine through. She had forgotten who she was when she was bulimic. But, as she began to recover and open up about her eating disorder, she learned to love herself. Cheesy but true.

Gradually, Annabella realized that Derek didn’t hate her if she was bulimic. She realized that she could open up to him, and he would still love her.

The more she shared with him and her therapist about her bulimic experience, the more she felt able to conquer it. She began to understand that bulimia was not everything about her life. It was but a small part of it.

A small part that she could beat.

However, Annabella still had other battles to fight.

Annabella preferred spending time at Derek’s place in the evenings because his home was just so much more comfortable than her tiny apartment. They had gotten into the habit of her sleeping over.

Derek had left work early to go grocery shopping and left Annabella the task of leaving everything ready from the next day and closing the gym.

On the way to Derek’s place, she spotted Mary Lou walking towards her. Annabella was about to walk past her, but Mary Lou stopped her.

“Please Bella. I’d like to talk with you.”

“Okay, I’m listening,” Bella crossed her arms.

Mary Lou wrung her fingers, her face full of concern. “Don’t you think ... you’re jumping into this kind of fast?”

Annabella looked at her, ready to jump at her throat. “Jumping into what exactly?”

Mary Lou sighed. “Derek, of course. Why do you have to get so wrapped up in a man, Bella?”

“It’s something called love, Mary Lou. I’m sure you have heard about it,” Bella snapped.

“How can you love someone that looks like him?” Mary Lou asked.

Bella twisted her mouth in disgust, her gaze on her ex-friend steady. Mary Lou wasn’t as mean as Janice, she was just dumb. The kind of girl that goes with the flow. Annabella was sure she meant well, that’s why she took the time to enlighten her.

“I’d been friends with Derek for months before we even kissed. How is that fast?”

“Bella, where do you see this relationship going?”

“Where any relationship goes, Mary Lou. I want to nurture it and allow it to keep growing. What are you getting at?”

Mary Lou took a deep breath. “do you think that you and Derek ... fit?”

Annabella just watched her in surprise.

“I’m just saying ... nobody is going to look down on you if you back away from this guy. Or if you just want to fool around with him because ... he’s got a fucking great body! But Bella, you don’t want to MARRY this guy!”

Annabella took a deep breath. “I want you to listen to what I have to say and don’t interrupt me. I’m not angry because you feel that way, Mary Lou. Because I used to think in those terms too, maybe we all do. I know that when I go places with Derek, we will always be the center of attention. I already know that I have to come to terms with that.

“I also know that I can’t think that way anymore. I was so concerned about looks that I became a shallow and vain person. The old Annabella would have never considered dating a man that had the scarred face that Derek has.

“I know now that I was a very ugly person. And people around me made me feel ugly too. When someone says, ‘if only you would lose weight,’ they are really saying, ‘you are not as good as the rest of us.’”

Mary Lou flinched at that.

“Maybe they don’t mean to hurt you or pass judgment or call you ugly. But in my case, I put two and two together, and what I came up with was that I wasn’t good enough if I was fat.

“I wish I knew then what I know now; I wouldn’t have hurt a lot of people as I did, just because they were different. It doesn’t matter what people look like on the outside because if you love them, they are beautiful,” Annabella smiled. “Derek is beautiful. I’d rather have him with his ugly face than have an ugly person with a perfect one.”

Bella looked into Mary Lou’s eyes. “You don’t need to define beauty for me anymore. Your definition doesn’t meet mine now because I think Derek is beautiful, and that’s why I love him, not because of how he looks.”

Mary Lou grabbed a tissue from her purse to dab at the tears in her eyes. “I really came off as shallow. But it’s certainly not what I meant.”

Mary Lou met Annabella’s eyes. “But I guess I am. I didn’t realize how judgmental I was being. I’d ... like to get to know Derek better.”

Annabella smiled. “I’ll call you.”