Chapter 4

They finally referred me to the court counselor.

“Hello, Red. I’m Mr. Erickson. Please take a seat in the chair next to me. You need to know that whatever you say here will be private, just between the two of us.”

The counselor was a soft-spoken man in his late thirties with a thick head of ink black hair. I liked to see all the books in Mr. Erickson’s office, and I felt safe there.

“Do you know why you are here, Red?”

“Yes, my parents got divorced and I don’t want to talk to my mom.”

“That’s right. Did your father tell you to act like this, Red? Maybe he just suggested it?”

“What? No! Who told you that? My mom? She’s lying!” I said, becoming agitated.

“Relax, Red. No one said anything about your dad. I was just checking.”

“My dad didn’t say anything to me! He had nothing to do with my decision. He’s already suffering enough. I DON’T WANT TO TALK WITH HER! I DECIDED IT ON MY OWN! LEAVE MY DAD ALONE!” I screamed at him.

“Okay, Red. I got it. Please calm down. I believe you.”

I was breathing fast and the counselor guided me to breathe in and out slowly till I was calm again.

“People get divorced for many reasons, Red. Sometimes grown-ups get married when they are very young, too young to know much about themselves or about the person they are marrying. As they get older, they learn that they are too different from each other to make a good couple. One person might want to have a very big family and live on a farm, while the other person wants to have a very small family and travel from place to place. Your mother was barely 19 years old when she got married.”

“Is that the reason why my mom cheated on my dad? She could have said she wasn’t happy and divorced him. She didn’t have to hurt my dad by going with that man behind his back. Even a kid like me can see that.”

Mr. Erickson’s lips parted, smiling.

“Your mom’s love for you didn’t stop because she’s divorcing your dad. She still loves you, Red.”

“If she truly loves me she would come back home where she belongs. She left us to live with that guy.”

“She can’t live there anymore because your dad is divorcing her.”

I twisted my mouth to the side. “I hate this. I have a lot of extra responsibilities now. I’m doing my own laundry and bagging my own lunch. I even cook dinner most nights.”

“So, you are angry with your mom, and you want to hurt her because she’s hurt you and your dad?”

I nodded.

“I’m very angry with my mom. I don’t like the way everything changed. I’m also scared and nervous. My dad is sad, and I am sad because of what she did. I wish things could have stayed the same.”

“It might seem like everything is changing, but there are many things that are staying the same. If you think about those, you won’t feel as scared or nervous. Maybe you could write a list.”

“She needs to leave that guy and come back home. I’m sure Dad will forgive her if she says she’s really sorry.”

“Maybe your mom wasn’t happy with your dad. She’s sorry you’re hurting, but she wanted to live a different life with another person.”

“Yeah, I read the letters that guy wrote to her. I know exactly what she wanted.”

Mr. Erickson sighed.

“I wish you hadn’t read those letters, Red. You have too much on your plate and can’t figure out everything. You bit off more than you can chew.”

“My dad is a great person and a great catch. I overheard some ladies saying it at church. Why wasn’t he enough for her?”

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “Only your mom can answer that. Not talking to her is not going to give you the answers your need.”

“I’m not talking to her.” I crossed my arms on my chest and leaned back.

“Look, if you’re not ready to sit down and talk with your mother, then let’s not do it now. Calm down and wait till you’re ready. In the meantime, you could write her a letter.”

I thought about it and found the idea interesting.

“What do I say?” I asked.

“Whatever comes from your heart. Don’t worry about your mom, she can handle it. Just be honest.”

My stomach was twisted in knots.

I had started to write the letter to my mother many times, but I couldn’t find the right words. I didn’t even know how to start it.

“Dear mom?” that wasn’t honest. I was mad at her.

“Mom?” Still too affectionate.

“Ginger?” Ewwww, that made me remember that letters that guy wrote to her and made me furious.

“Be honest,” Mr. Erickson had said. I took a deep breath and wrote:

I gave the letter to the counselor, and we talked about what I wrote. That weekend mom didn’t call to pick me up.

I would like to say that I missed her, but the truth was that it was easier to carry on with my life if I didn’t have a weekly reminder of the way things were and what had happened. I hated this new life. If I didn’t see her I could pretend she was away visiting her mother in Florida.