Chapter 11

I was a man of habits. I had my daily routine. It started with a run at the nearest forest trail. After my run, breakfast followed, then a shower before taking care of the business.

Routine made me feel safe because it meant I had structure in my life. It offered predictability in an unpredictable world.

Kat and Tony usually waited for me, so we could all have breakfast together. We were together almost daily. I kept her in the friend zone as Tony suggested. We talked mainly about the present and the restaurant.

Kat settled into her new job, and her new life, over the next weeks. She seemed to feel more content in her own skin.

She usually worked the morning shift, and double shift if ‘The Jammed’ was packed. She was always eager to please and a hard worker.

I had a hard enough time, literally, when she dressed in her work clothes.

I hated when another man looked at her, I felt nothing but murderous rage. I wanted to be the only one looking at her.

All the time, my imagination was running wild and I had to fight every urge I had to reach out and touch her. To feel just the smallest amount of her skin against mine. A simple graze of my fingers against hers would suffice. I was not asking for much. Although I know I was. She was not ready.

The only problem was there weren’t enough moments. She avoided being alone with me whenever possible. Even when I caught her looking, she averted her eyes the moment they met mine. I tried to be respectful and gave her the space she needed.

“I want to do right by her, Tony, I do.”

“For what it’s worth, I think she does like you, she’s just afraid to open up,” Tony explained to me.

“It doesn’t seem she likes me,” I said with frustration.

“Did you notice the way she fumbles over the smallest things when you’re near her? If she doesn’t like you, you wouldn’t affect her in that way. “You’re meant to be together,” Tony assured me. “You just have to show her that.”

One night I went up to my room really late.

A door opened quietly behind me. I turned and saw Kat coming down the corridor. She was dressed in an oversize t-shirt and for my sake I hoped she had shorts on underneath, because all I could see were her legs and they were very bare.

I wished I knew how to talk to her in a way to get her to open up.

I looked up and made eye contact with her.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi.” Her reply was soft, quiet.

“Why are you up?” I asked.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shrugged. “I don’t want to sound like a broken record.”

It took me a good deal of time to select exactly the right words.

“I’m so sorry, Kat; sorry he did that to you. Sorry he hurt you like this.”

I placed my hand on her back and rubbed it gently. She didn’t flinch. I remembered Tony’s advice: ’You need to open up yourself.’

“At least something good came from all this,” I said.