Chapter 51: Vee

The first few days after my return were challenging. I had to film a new movie and, contrary to my initial expectations, they wanted me to take an active role in the project. I embraced it, perhaps as a way to focus all my energies on something other than Yaron. Since the last time we met, he had been constantly on my mind.

“Focus on your career,” Scott advised me, “there’s nothing like work to heal a broken heart.” I tried to apply his advice as best I could. I threw myself into my work so much that I managed to further elevate the phenomenon that accompanied my name.

I didn’t know how long this fame would last, so I told myself that I had to make the most of the moment.

No fewer than three films were released with me as the lead in the next three years, and one of them received two Oscar nominations: best costume design and best production design.

We didn’t win any awards.

Even so, the night ended with another party. With other people who barely knew me. With other vices that returned when it was least convenient for me. With other new friendships that, in reality, would never be truly new.

I stumbled out of the house and searched for my phone in my bag. The screen showed a bunch of messages, but none of them was the one I was looking for.

Yaron had called me several times after I left Seattle, but I hadn’t answered.

Why? Because it hurt to hear his voice. It hurt to know that he was there and I was trapped here. Lately, I could barely look at myself in the mirror.

I wanted to go home, but what was my home? I wasn’t even sure. I was living in a nice apartment, although, deep down, the constant feeling that this wasn’t my place was always with me.

I searched for Yaron’s name in my contact list. There was a photo of him with his hippie-look. He was smiling at the camera. I caressed his name with my fingers. Then I did something that wasn’t healthy, but that I couldn’t help doing from time to time. I searched for him on Instagram and went through his pictures. I stopped at the pictures of Daniel’s wedding. Yaron looked amazing in a tuxedo.

Daniel had sent me a wedding invitation, which asked for confirmation, and I never sent one. I was in Cannes on the date of the wedding.

I opened one of the pictures. Yaron was smiling, hugging a happy-looking Daniel. They were like brothers.

Then, I searched his webpage and read every single testimonial his patients wrote in it. The word ‘weird’, or similar, was written almost as much as ‘genius’. Their stories brought tears to my eyes.

Apparently, he was working with couples. He was helping people. Making a difference. And me, what was I doing with my life?

I returned to the party, looked myself in the mirror, and tried a few gestures until I found one that suited Raven Black, so no one could see the girl who was screaming behind the mask.

I missed Yaron so much that my heart ached.

The drugs helped numb the pain a little.

Then, the next day, I received a small box in the mail. It was a gift from Yaron. A small wooden symbol of forever with two hearts carved on it. It was breathtaking.

I fell on my knees holding the symbol of our eternal love close to my heart, and cried my heart out, screaming in frustration.

“I love you, Yaron. I fucking love you,” I cried a million times, rocking back and forth.

That day, when I ran out of tears, I decided that I wanted to grow up. I knew that people didn’t usually grow up overnight. But I did.

The realization that I loved Yaron more than anything else, coupled with the pain of losing him, pushed me to finally confront my own immaturity and make a conscious decision to change my life. I had to become someone worthy of being loved by him.

I was tired of living a superficial, self-centered life, doing whatever I wanted without considering the consequences. Yaron’s love, and the carved symbol of our eternal bond, served as a catalyst for me to redefine my priorities.

I needed to get rid of Raven Black and become Vee again.