Chapter 39: Vee

I was at another stupid party. The bedrooms were upstairs, and through the open windows, I could hear the roar of the sea. I was high.

And at that moment, while Yaron still lingered in my mind and I thought I would never be able to date anyone again, I met Colin Land.

“Raven Black.”

I turned around and saw a guy in his early twenties. Dark hair. Almond-shaped eyes. Perfect features. He was tall and stood out among the crowd. But it wasn’t just because he was attractive—it was his presence. He had something. Something I had struggled to find in anyone else.

He wore a dark suit, his fingers adorned with rings. Elegant yet effortlessly casual in a brooding sort of way.

“Do I know you?”

He laughed, but I was completely serious. I had no idea who he was. It might seem unbelievable, but when I met Colin, I realized that no matter how brightly a star shines, it doesn’t illuminate the entire world. We were not gods. We were just kids playing at being gods—kids with too much money, too many opportunities, and too few responsibilities.

“You’re not joking,” he said, his ego bruised.

His crooked smile was beautiful—a lifeline at a time when I felt like I was drowning. That boy drew me in. Colin was a magnet for anyone, but especially for someone like me—someone who was feeling alive for the first time in too long.

“I’m not interested in you,” I turned my back on him and walked away.

I knew it was the right choice. Just one look at him told me Colin was trouble. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I could almost feel his gaze trailing down my body, from my neck to my legs—too bare in that dress.

´++0++

It wasn’t long before I saw him again. He handed me a drink, and I downed it in one gulp.

Something stirred inside me. A thirst I had only ever felt with Yaron.

Maybe that was why I did what I did. I didn’t know.

Maybe I missed Yaron so much at that moment that I had to fill the emptiness with someone else. And that someone was Colin Land.

Maybe I needed to feel wanted more than I was willing to admit. Or maybe I was just drunk, high, and reckless.

The truth was, I looked at Colin and decided I was tired of feeling sad and hollow.

He took my hand and pulled me toward one of the bedrooms. “Come with me, Raven Black.”

“No.”

“Just one night,” he said, smirking.

I answered coolly, even though I was burning inside. “And I hope tomorrow morning, too.”

The idea tempted me. Sex with no strings. No complicated emotions.

So, I followed Colin.

The next morning, I woke up to two empty bottles of chardonnay on the carpet and three used condoms on the nightstand.

I hugged my knees and cried.

But I promised myself I would keep trying.

Colin and Raven quickly became the center of attention. Colin was drawn to everything that hurt him—alcohol, drugs, junk food, and me. Though it took us a while to realize that I belonged on that list, too.

We became the focus of the press for all the wrong reasons—stories I wasn’t proud of, yet didn’t know how to stop.

I was happy. Or at least, I thought I was. I needed something to fill the emptiness inside me. And for now, that something was Colin.

I tried to make our relationship work. I truly tried. But I was unable to take Yaron out of my mind. There was no room in my heart for someone else.

That feeling when you wanted something so badly that you even dreamed about it, but to have it, you must give up everything you’d achieve?

An anguish so real that you would hallucinate while fully awake?

I hadn’t heard from Yaron. I lost count of how many times I held my phone, ready to call him. But I resisted the temptation. And I never did.

He had probably read about Colin and me—we were everywhere. Hopefully, Yaron had moved on, given up on us.

Instead, I dialed a different number, one I had saved during my last visit to Seattle but had never used.

He answered quickly, considering that my call must have come as quite a surprise.

“Vee? Is that you?”

“Yes, Daniel. It’s me. Listen ... is he happy?”

Daniel sighed into the phone before telling me what I needed to hear.

“Yes, Vee. Yaron is happy.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing back tears, the words I was about to say, and everything I was feeling in that moment.

“Do you think ... you could let me know if there’s ever something I can do for him? You know, from behind the scenes?”