Chapter 26: Yaron

“Yaron Beilinson? I’m calling from the Seattle Public Health Department to conduct a survey. On a scale of one to ten, how important is it to you to use deodorant on public transportation?”

I smiled. I didn’t recognize the number, and the voice was muffled by a cloth over the speaker, but it could only be her.

“Vee?”

“The one and only.”

“How are you?”

“I’m doing great, Yaron.”

“I’m happy for you, Vee,” I said, and I truly meant it.

It made me happy that she was taking steps in the right direction to achieve her dreams, no matter how small.

“Thank you. What were you doing?”

“I’m in bed writing a paper I need to present tomorrow. It’s been a long day. You know I’m striving to get my degree in record time. Oh, I almost forgot, I got news from your father.”

“How is he? He doesn’t have a cell phone, and he never seems to be at home when I call.”

“My dad says he’s doing okay. Not the best worker he’s had, but at least he shows up on time most days. My dad told me that one day he was wearing a rubber belt with colored stones. Do you remember that horrible thing you made a thousand years ago? Well, he’s using one of the necklaces to hold up his pants.”

Vee laughed. I couldn’t help but remember that little girl who dreamed of selling recycled jewelry that would make her rich. She was still herself, yet I had the feeling she was far from that version of herself.

“Please, thank your dad for what he’s doing for my father.”

I could feel the smile that always came to her lips when she thought of her dad.

“He misses you a lot. Almost as much as I do,” I added. I’d made up the first part, but it wasn’t really a lie—I was sure her father missed her.

“It’s only two months until Christmas.”

I gritted my teeth. ‘Only’ two months. As if it was just a second. I was counting the days on the calendar like an idiot.

“Two months feels like an eternity, did you know that?”

Vee didn’t answer. She just sighed. The streetlight outside cast shadows on my ceiling. I imagined her doing the same thing, lying in her bed, analyzing the same shadows.

“Do you have news from Barnaby?”

“My sister Hannah says he’s as grumpy as usual. Can you believe he pointed his shotgun at her the first time she visited him?”

Vee laughed again. At least one of us did.

“Thank you for the updates, Yaron. Thanks for everything.”

“It’s okay.”

In some twisted way, I liked hearing updates from the people who were important in Vee’s life. It reminded me of what we had. The Vee that was mine, the one I got to love with all my heart.

Vee’s soft whisper pulled me back to her.

“I’m home alone. Patti’s gone to a concert. I’m lying on her bed.”

“Are you inviting me?”

“I wish I could. The couch is so small you’d have to sleep on top of me.”

“Not the worst way to sleep.”

I closed my eyes. My heartbeat quickened, sinking low, down to my crotch.

“I wish you were on top of me. Or under me. I wish you were here, Vee.”

“But I’m there. If I close my eyes, my hand feels like yours. Or almost.”

I imagined her. Lying down. Her lips slightly parted. I pictured her fingers slipping under the thin fabric of her panties. I closed my own eyes, sliding my hand beneath my pajama pants and boxers.

Did her hand feel like mine? No. Not even close.

“Almost? Nothing could ever be like you, Vee. You’re one of a kind.”

“But we can pretend.”

We touched ourselves. We whispered to each other. We masturbated. We loved each other in the only way we could from a distance. We came. And when it was over, the reality settled in—we were still far apart, still alone, and, in my case, feeling a bit tired of trying to keep a relationship alive through fleeting moments like this.

It wasn’t just the physical part that was missing. The warmth of her skin, her scent, the way her eyes softened when we were together—none of that could be recreated over the phone. It felt hollow, like trying to grasp something real but only catching air. I had never been good at building castles in the air, and this felt like talking about love with nothing but empty hands.

“You know what the best thing about cell phones is, Yaron?” she said softly.

“What?”

“Now we can do this whenever we want.”

“Sure,” I mumbled.

But the truth was, it wasn’t the same as having her here with me. It wasn’t even close.

Why did I let Vee do this to me? The short answer was that having a part of her was better than having none at all.