Chapter 15: Options

I stood there, confused, sweating now, and a little bit hard. It took me a minute to get myself under control and then I thought about it again. Mason. Last night. The weird, messy blur of him drunk and horny and using my mouth. Cumming down my throat like he’d done it a million times before then slipping away like it hadn’t happened at all.

He knew exactly what he’d done. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he’d been drunk enough that the memory was fuzzy, or even totally wiped. Maybe he’d woken up, realized he’d hooked up with a guy—a teammate—and panicked.

Or maybe he was messing with me, seeing how far he could push, how much I’d take before breaking. I groaned quietly, rolling over to press my face into the pillow. My brain wasn’t built for this kind of overthinking.

As I forced myself out of bed and into clothes, I kept replaying the moment Mason’s cock had touched my lips. The way he’d tasted, slightly sweaty from a night out at the bar but also so good. The way his hands felt when they grabbed me. But every good memory was chased by doubt. I didn’t know where I stood with him now. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to.

Breakfast was a blur. The caf was busy enough that no one paid me much attention, but I still felt like every laugh and conversation was about me. I picked at a soggy waffle and drank half an orange juice, my stomach twisting into uncomfortable knots. I was grateful I’d made plans with Irina to go to the mall later—it’d be good to get my mind off Mason and Casper, even if just for a few hours.

Irina and I had met at the gym a few weeks ago, and we’d clicked fast. She was funny, sharp, and refreshingly direct. I liked her a lot. She made me laugh, and after everything with Mason and Casper, laughter was something I desperately needed.

When I finished my sad excuse for breakfast, I dumped the tray and headed out, hoping to shake off the weird mood I was stuck in. My phone buzzed in my pocket just as I stepped outside. I tensed, half-expecting Mason’s name on the screen, but instead, it was Irina.

Ready to shop ‘til we drop? Meet you at the mall entrance in 20.

I smiled a little, relieved, tapping out a quick reply.

Be there soon.

Maybe this was exactly what I needed. A few hours with someone who didn’t complicate my life, someone who could help me sort through the mess in my head without even realizing she was doing it. If nothing else, I’d get new clothes and a distraction. Both felt equally necessary right now.

By the time I made it out to the campus shuttle, I’d managed to shove most of the Mason stuff into the back of my brain. Not all the way gone, but quieter. I had Irina to think about now.

We’d planned to hit the mall a couple times before but never actually followed through. Between gym schedules, her classes, and my own workouts with Casper, it just hadn’t lined up. Today felt like a good time for it though. I needed something normal.

I spotted Irina almost as soon as I got through the main entrance. She was already waiting by one of those smoothie places near the escalators, sipping something neon pink out of a tall cup. Her hair was tied up in that messy high ponytail she always wore when she wasn’t in competition mode, and she had on leggings and a crop top like she could head straight to a workout after this if she felt like it.

“Yo,” she said, flashing me a quick grin as I walked up. “Didn’t think you’d actually show.”

“Same,” I admitted. “Kind of needed the distraction though.”

Irina tilted her head a little, sizing me up. “Rough night?”

I shrugged, not quite sure how to answer. “Something like that.”

We started walking, drifting past shops. Irina talked about her last competition, a minor ankle tweak she’d worked through, and some new trainer she wasn’t quite sold on yet. I let her carry the conversation for a while. It felt good just listening to her. Easy. I wasn’t used to easy lately.

Eventually we ended up in one of those oversized sneaker stores. Irina was trying on white high-tops, checking herself out in the mirror.

“That guy of yours still around?” I asked casually.

Irina smirked. “Which one?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t make me ask.”

She laughed, standing up straighter in the mirror. “Yeah, he’s around. Still acting all mysterious, though. He’s been weird lately. Texts me random shit, then disappears for hours like he’s some secret agent.”

I leaned against a shelf, arms crossed. “You don’t mind?”

“I mean ... kinda. It’s annoying. But that’s just how dudes are sometimes. You think they’re all locked in, then they go full ghost mode for no reason.”

That made my stomach tighten a little. I wasn’t sure if it was because of Mason or Casper.

I leaned against a shelf, arms crossed. “Doesn’t it bother you, though? Not knowing what’s going on in his head?”

Irina glanced at me, one shoulder lifting like it was nothing. “Nah. I’m used to it. That’s just how he is. He gets in his own head sometimes. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Some guys just ... process slower.”

I watched her in the mirror for a second, tightening the laces on the shoe like this was all casual for her. “But when he gets like that, he eventually comes back around?”

“Yeah.” She gave herself a quick once-over, smoothing a hand over her leg. “Usually acting like nothing happened. I used to get all stressed about it. Now I figure: if it’s important, he’ll say something.”

I nodded slowly, eyes dropping to the floor. “What about when he’s quiet for, like, days? Do you ever wonder if it’s about you? Like if you did something?”

Irina’s brow furrowed, but she didn’t answer right away. She grabbed the second sneaker, started pulling it on.

“Honestly? Early on, yeah. Now? Not really. I’ve learned guys can be weird as shit sometimes and it doesn’t always mean what you think it does.”

I let that sit for a second. Picked up a shoe off the shelf just to give my hands something to do. “You ever have it happen where ... they get all up on you one minute, then act like you don’t exist the next?”

That’s when she paused, mid-lace. Looked right over at me.

“Okay. What’s with the deep dive? You’re asking a lot about my boyfriend all of a sudden.”

That grin spread fast. “Boy troubles?”

She was perceptive. Or maybe I was obvious.

I swallowed, heart kicking up a little. “Yeah, uh ... I’m gay.”

Irina didn’t skip a beat, “I figured. You’re too cute to be straight. And way too nice.”

I laughed under my breath, not sure why I’d been so nervous. Irina just rolled with it. No weird pause, no awkward vibe.

Irina stood up straight, tugging her ponytail tighter as she looked at me. “What’s the deal?”

I glanced around out of habit, making sure there wasn’t anyone close enough to overhear. “It’s ... two guys. Kinda.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Two?”

I nodded, face warm. “One of them’s ... I don’t know. Distant. Real serious. It’s like he’s testing me or something half the time. Like ... training me.”

“Training you?” Irina repeated, her mouth quirking up.

“Not like that. I mean, yeah, like that, but not ... whatever. Forget it.” I shook my head, smiling. “The other one ... it’s even weirder. He acted like he wasn’t into me at all. Then suddenly he was ... really into it. And then after, it’s like nothing even happened.”

Irina made a face like she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or feel bad for me. “Sounds like one’s the cold type and one’s the confused type.”

“Something like that,” I said. “I can’t figure out if it means something or if I’m just reading into shit.”

She walked over and nudged my arm with her elbow. “Guys are idiots, Eli. They’ll act weird even if they like you, especially if they’re trying to play it cool or don’t want to admit something.”