Chapter 4

I did not write these. I found them in a drawer after my father passed away, so don’t flame me, OK?

Doctor: “I notice the faint outline of an ‘M’ on your stomach. How come?”

Coed: “My steady boyfriend, who goes to college, didn’t remove his sweater.”

Doctor: “So, where does he go to school? Michigan, Maryland, or Minnesota?”

Coed: “No – Wisconsin!”

The boy and girl were dancing and suddenly, she backed off and exclaimed, “What do you think I am, a flat tire? Get that jack handle out from between my legs!”

The difference between a pregnant woman and a burned out light bulb is that the light bulb can be unscrewed!

No wonder Santa Claus never had any children – he’s got popcorn balls, comes only once a year, and then goes off in his sleigh!

A stenographer worries about commas; a secretary worries about periods.

Hear about he gal who went fishing with six fellows? Boy, did she come home with a red snapper!

He brought his new girlfriend home and she started to disrobe. His pet parrot started spouting off at the mouth (beak?). “Pretty, pretty girl – pretty brassiere – pretty pink panties – pretty, pretty, HOW ARE YOU FIXED FOR BLADES! (another of the jokes you have to be a certain age to appreciate, I guess.)

The angry hubby discovered his wife in bed with a stranger. “What are you two doing?” he screamed. “See?” said his wife. “I told you he’s stupid.”

New rule at the girls’ school: Lights out at 10, candles out at 11.

Did you know that a donut is a cookie that’s had it?

And where do you think cousins come from? Ant (aunt) holes!