Chapter 3

I did not write these. I found them in a drawer after my father passed away, so don’t flame me, OK?

The old maid found a man under her bed and said, “What are you going to do, and don’t you dare stop until you’ve finished!”

I found a queer nail in the road – it blows tires.

One nice thing about marrying an old man, girls: he’s easy to find in the dark. Just feel around; it won’t be hard!

The only thing more pitiful than a guy who thinks he’s stiff is a girl who thinks she’s tight.

Said one burp to another: “Do you want to come up with me, or do you want to stay here and become a stinker?”

The difference between an old cat and a little kitty is that an old cat will bite and scratch, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.

I call my baby “Bedbug;” she spends all her time on the mattress!

Confucius say: “To raise chickens you must have cock and pullet.” (Another one you may have to think about a little bit)

The disappointed WAVE: She learned that a 14-inch Admiral was TV set. (Yeah, this one really is dated, isn’t it? And didn’t we love it when we got it?)

The little boy dropped his steel marbles on the classroom floor. “Who has the steel balls?” cried the teacher. Said the little boy, “Superman!”

The twist was invented by a broke Scotsman who was trying to get into a pay toilet!