Chapter 2

I did not write these. I found them in a drawer after my father passed away, so don’t flame me, OK?

I believe in capital punishment, but I don’t believe women should be hung like men. (OK, think about it for a minute – it’ll come to you eventually!)

How long is the hair on a rabbit? About ten seconds.

Little Robbie knew they were going to get one of those new compact cars: he found an inner tube in Daddy’s pocket.

Greek toast: “Bottoms Up!”

Where does the hair grow curliest on women? Africa (where were you thinking, you pervert, you!)

In the nudist colony there was one idiot who ran around with a big pair of tweezers playing “odds or evens.” (Another one you may want to think about before chuckling)

What kind of bees give milk? Boo bees, of course!

Advice to love-worn lasses: If you tingle when you tinkle, have the doctor check your wrinkle!

Of all the birdies in the sky, I’d rather be a duck. I’d fly along the beaches low and watch the people, holding hands.

No, Ida: I don’t believe crossing a turtle with a tome cat will produce a snapping pussy.

Plenty of girls satisfy who don’t smoke Chesterfields. (You have to be pretty old to get that reference!)

Why do so many women use Dial soap? Because Dial spelled backwards mean happiness.