Jane Finds Herself
Copyright© 2025 by ghostwritten
Chapter 42
Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 42 - While trapped on a family camping trip, Jane has an unusual run-in with a man at the washrooms. Fighting her fears and anxieties, Jane continues to meet with him each night and even befriends his daughter Riley... who looks remarkably like her.
Caution: This Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/ft ft/ft Fa/ft Consensual Heterosexual Incest Spanking Anal Sex Analingus Cream Pie Double Penetration First Facial Fisting Masturbation Oral Sex Petting Sex Toys Squirting Voyeurism Small Breasts
It was Wednesday, and I was walking through the doors at work. I was scheduled to work with Crystal, but I didn’t really know who I would see until I arrived. The first person I saw at the counter was the scowling face of Denise. I wanted to cringe but did my best to hide my discomfort.
“Hi, Denise,” I said as warmly as I could muster.
“Hello, Jane,” she pointedly replied back. It seemed there was no love lost between us.
There were no customers in the store, and I didn’t see anyone else on the floor. As I made my way toward the backroom, the curtain fluttered, and Crystal appeared carrying a stack of bagged bras in her hands. She was wearing a sexy little white dress that tied around her neck, leaving her freckled shoulders fully exposed. Her copper-red hair hung loosely down her back, which, combined with the white dress, really popped with her pale skin.
“HI Jane!” Crystal said excitedly. “We’re going to have fun today, lots of new stock ... see?”
Crystal’s excitement seemed a little over-the-top for a bunch of bras. Sure, they were nice; pink pastels, vibrant blues, and fire-engine red, thin-meshed bras were held out to me. These were seduction bras with very little coverage for nipples or much support for bustier ladies. They were to do a singular purpose ... to seal the deal and get you laid. I wanted them all.
“Those look really good!” I matched her enthusiasm. “Are there-”
“-matching bottoms? Absolutely!” Crystal knew exactly where my mind was going. “Come on, I’ll show you.”
I followed Crystal behind the black curtain. I turned to hang my purse in the office first, so it was out of my hands. When I turned, I found Crystal right behind me, spooking me. I didn’t see any panties in her hands; they were empty. Then she grabbed me around the midsection, pulled me to her, and laid those pale sultry lips to mine. I put up no resistance and slipped my tongue into her mouth. It wasn’t a long kiss, not by any stretch, but when her mouth left mine, my lips weren’t the only things left damp.
“Sorry, I had to,” Crystal whispered, her hand still around my waist. “We need to talk, but not now, ok?”
I tipped my head, “Ok.” She let go of me.
“Look at these panties, don’t they look good?” she suddenly said loudly, still without anything in her hands.
“Oh yeah. I bet these will sell like crazy; I wouldn’t mind a few pairs myself,” responding in the same manner. She was clearly trying to cover for what she’d just done with me. I don’t really know why. She’s the owner of the story, not Denise.
She leaned in and whispered, “I’d like to see you in a pair tonight ... and then out of them.” I winked. At least I knew she was the same Crystal as before.
I returned to the sales floor and clocked in, getting another scowl from Denise for my troubles. Crystal followed shortly behind, carrying some of the new stock and looking for a good place to display it. She wanted it somewhere front and center, a place to garner maximum attention.
“Why don’t we make a new arrivals section?” I suggested. “A rack or even a mannequin display with some of the new product we’ve received.”
“That’s a great idea!” Crystal said enthusiastically. “Come help me shift things around.”
We spent a good few hours moving and changing the layout of some of the racks and tables by the front door. We’d have to stop every so often to help a customer, but it remained a rather quiet day. Wednesday afternoons aren’t exactly peak purchasing times normally. I did manage a few sales, including a matching set of the new lingerie, before we’d even finished.
Denise didn’t really help. She just puttered around the store grumpily. I did take Jeanette’s advice, though, and watched how she interacted with Crystal. Now I know they were long-time friends, but their dynamic was weird. Crystal was her friendly, jovial self, laughing and joking, and being flirty with me. I kept my peripheral vision on Denise as it happened. She seemed to be getting more frazzled each time it happened.
I didn’t know if it was because she really hated me, or if it was because she had a thing for Crystal - or both. When the two of them chatted, though, Denise would immediately brighten up. She almost cracked a smile at one point. I thought I even saw a slight blush on Denise’s face when Crystal put her arm around her back to explain her vision of the new front section we were building. By the time it was finished, and we all stood in front of our accomplishment, I was convinced Jeanette was onto something.
The two-tiered table was laid out with each of the different colors of bras on the top shelf and matching panties below them. There was a half mannequin, which consisted of only a torso, perched in the center wearing the pink pastel set. A pretty pink sign, laminated, sat in front saying, ‘New Product Line – Set $69.99’
“That looks good,” Denise said, looking at the display.
“It looks amazing! Great idea, Jane,” Crystal said, patting me on the lower back.
“Let’s see if it actually moves units though,” grumbled Denise, unhappy that I got praised. “ ... and I mean sales, not theft out the door,” she said gloomily as she walked away. Crystal looked at me silently and rolled her eyes. I giggled into my arm.
As the nine-to-five office day ended, business picked up with customers coming in regularly. There was everything from junior high-school girls to a couple of senior ladies looking to spice up their nursing home. I thought it was cute and sold them a few of our more tasteful outfits. We also ended up with a couple of businessmen looking to get something for their wives or girlfriends.
Crystal helped the first one while I helped the other. I don’t really know how hers went, I expected it went well, because he bought a few things. But mine was weird. He was a middle-aged man, probably in his mid-forties to early fifties. I asked him what he was looking for, and he said he needed something for an anniversary gift. I showed him around, pointing to the fancier items, babydolls, negligees, and whatnot, but he wasn’t sure.
I had a growing suspicion that I was going to be modeling some of these items for him before I made the sale, just by the way he was looking. He kept glancing at me more than the merchandise, and I decided to lean into it. I touched his arm when I asked him questions, giggled when he made a joke, and did my best to be more flirt than a salesperson.
“Anything you’d like to see?” I asked in the best sultry voice I could manage, my fingers sliding down his tie.
He gulped noticeably. “Well ... I’d love to see what those see-through things would look like on a real person.” He pointed to the new display in front of the store.
“Which color?”
“Red.”
I picked up one of each in my size. A little voice inside my head told me there was an opportunity for an upsell. I’d never really felt it like that before. Usually I’d just suggest some accessory or something to go with what they were looking at. But this guy ... I just knew I could get more than a $70 purchase from him.
“Is that all you’d like to see?” I batted my eyes at him. “No other fantasies you’d like to live out?”
His eyes immediately moved to a display on the wall. He didn’t say a word as I grinned and winked at him. Of course that’s what he would want. I walked over to the section below, swaying my ass a bit extra, and picked out my size ... I have experience in this area already.
“Follow me. I’ll show you how it would look all together.” I took him by the hand and led him to the change room. I put the clothes on the hook inside, but there was one thing I had to explain to him beforehand. “Now store policy is women have to keep their underwear on while trying on panties, so you won’t get the full effect, ok?”
He excitedly nodded his head, “I understand...”
“Waived,” whispered Crystal, who was at the change room helping another customer.
I looked at her, a small grin on my lips. “What was that?”
Crystal winked, “You heard me. I’m kind of curious, myself.”
“Okey-dookie.”
I turned to the middle-aged man and winked, then closed myself into the change room and started stripping. I was excited. That shy, anxious girl I used to be was gone, and this new Jane had emerged. I knew I was attractive; I knew men and women desired me; and most importantly, I knew I liked them looking.
I ran my fingers over the white blouse material. It was light fabric, and the bra would show beneath it. The green tartan felt like rough cotton, certainly not the quality set by St. Augustus standards, but it would do the job for this purpose. It wasn’t designed for long-term use with daily wear and tear. It was for living out a fantasy and short-term applications. More than likely, most of this ensemble would end up on the ground after a few minutes ... unless there was longer roleplay planned. I learned that all too well from my first night with Tucker.
As I slipped on the bra, I found that it was actually a front clip; interesting. I slid the matching red panties up my legs and looked at myself in the mirror. I turned left and then right, checking out my profile. There was no added fabric by the crotch, so my slit would be visible through the fine soft mess, along with my strip of blonde pubic hair. I wasn’t concerned anymore.
I put on the skirt first. It was designed to be extra short, barely cloaking my panty-covered ass. It was certainly against St. Augustus regulations, I chuckled to myself. Although, I could have sworn some girls wore them that short ... but that could just be my memory. Taking the blouse off the hanger, I put it on and buttoned it up normally. I took the thin green necktie the outfit came with and tied it in the distinctive St. Augustus knot and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked good ... but I could look better. After a few alterations, I was ready to show the customer the look he wanted.
“Are you ready, sir?” I playfully asked.
“Y-yes ma’am,” he replied. I liked being called ma’am.
I stepped out and the man’s hands instinctively dropped to the front of his pants. I think he liked it. I’d undone all but one button on the blouse, showing off my flat stomach and small chest, and parts of the red bra he’d picked out. My nipples were barely hidden with that one button latched precariously between my tits. The button straining to hold together the overly tight shirt I’d chosen, even with my less than impressive bust. The necktie was hand-loose around my neck, feeling more like an arrow pointing to my tits than anything formal. Remembering Tucker’s words, I’d taken two small elastics that held the tie to the schoolgirl outfit and fashioned my hair into pigtails to complete the look.
“You like?” I asked playfully, doing a little spin in front of him. The skirt lifted juuuust a bit to flash the red panties beneath. I’d checked that it would work in the mirror beforehand.
“I-uh ... shit,” the guy groaned. I wondered if he’d suffered a similar fate to Brian when he saw the French maid outfit.
“Oh, right. The rest,” I flirted. “Oh, what’s that on the ground?”
I turned away from him and bent over at the waist, to pick up a piece of garbage off the ground. My skirt lifted up completely, exposing my slit through the red fabric of the panties. I turned back with a smile, holding a small piece of paper.
“Got it,” I winked. “Gotta keep the place clean, don’t want it dirty in here, do we?”
He was speechless; staring right at me. I wasn’t quite sure if I’d made the sale or not, so I decided to press a bit harder. “If you don’t like this look, you can always go a bit more risqué.” I undid the final button, exposing my tits encased in the transparent red panels of the bra as I tied the shirt up into a knot in the front. I adjusted the necktie, so it hung tighter on my bare neck.
He still didn’t respond. So, I changed tact. “There’s also the traditional route; the good-girl look; tuck in the shirt and fix the tie properly.” I did each action as I described them, the man looking on. When I was done, I stood there looking almost as innocent as I did when I was wearing the St. Augustus outfit ... only this was a lot shorter. So I told him so. I whispered to him, “This was what I looked like when I wore one of these.” That did the trick.
“I’ll take it ... I’ll take all of it,” he said in a raspy voice.
“Let’s get the sizes you need, and I can ring you up...” I replied.
“I’ll help him with that,” Crystal volunteered. “ ... and you can take your clothes in the change room and put them in the back.”
“What?”
She grinned at me, “Yeah, you’re wearing that the rest of your shift ... if that’s, ok?”
She added that last bit, probably realizing she couldn’t actually make me wear this without my permission. It could be an easy sexual harassment lawsuit ... but of course I wasn’t about to do that.
“Of course that’s ok. Thanks, Crystal, and thank you, sir.” I walked away, the skirt of the school uniform swishing away. I collected my discarded clothing and walked to the back where I dumped it on top of my purse, then returned to the floor where Crystal was completing the sale.
She’d already bagged his goods, and he pulled out a credit card to pay in his right hand. In his left was his brown leather wallet, a picture of his dark-haired wife sitting next to a young-looking brunette, likely fourteen years old, wearing a white blouse and green tartan skirt. A slight chill ran through my body, hoping he bought it for his wife and not ... someone else. Riley’s words rang through my ears again about fathers and daughters. This was one time I hoped she was wrong. Despite my sudden discomfort, I smiled and said goodbye to the man. He walked away with a grin and bag full of fun.
“He handed me this to give to you,” Crystal said, holding up a business card after the man had left the store.
“Did he now?” I said, taking it from her. I tore it up and tossed it in the garbage.
“Good decision,” said Crystal, her emerald eyes sparkling, “ ... and great sale.”
“Yeah...” Denise chimed in, “ ... if you want to turn this place into a strip club.”
“I got the sale. That’s what matters,” I fired back. “ ... and I looked damn good doing it.”
Denise left a while later, grumpily walking out the door with barely a goodbye to either Crystal or me. We were both busy with customers anyway, so we just looked across the store to each other and rolled our eyes. It was becoming clear to me that Denise was jealous. I don’t know if she felt threatened or replaced. Whatever it was, acting like a petulant child wasn’t going to help her cause.
When it was just Crystal and I left to work the store, the atmosphere was lighter and more fun. We were both being flirty and suggestive to customers, if they responded well to it. I think some of the female customers were taken back, at first, by me wearing such a short outfit. If so, we would point to the display for the same set on the wall, explaining we were trying a living exhibition of our product, which they seemed to understand. By the end of the night, we’d sold five schoolgirl uniforms and ten sets from the new underwear table we’d set up. It was a huge success.
By the time Crystal locked the door, we’d had a pretty good sales-day. As she pulled out the gate, I started tidying up some of the sections. The racks and shelves weren’t too torn up by the day’s activities, so it wouldn’t take me long to straighten it. That wasn’t fast enough for Crystal, though. I felt her grab me from behind, spin me around, and tackle me to the ground. Her soft lips were pressed to mine before my back even hit the floor.
“Fuck, I want you,” she said hungrily. Gone was the timid flirting, replaced by a lustful redhead, her hand crawling up my skirt. I spread my legs, giving her free access to everything she wanted. I felt a grab, then a rip, as the new panties were torn off me and tossed away.
I cried, “Holy shit, Crystal!” as she shoved three fingers inside me.
“I’ll buy you new ones!” she groaned, before licking her way down my neck and chest. She pulled roughly on the knot I’d fastened the blouse with, nearly tearing that up too. Then with a deft finger, she flicked the clasp in the front of the bra. It sprung open and her mouth attacked my tits like a thirsty man in the desert. I didn’t know what was driving her, but I’d pay for the gas.
“You horny, Crystal?” I groaned, as I humped hard against her fingers and mouth.
“Ya think?!” she replied, before she attached herself to my right nipple. My left hand went to her head, holding it in place. As her fingers slammed in and out of me roughly, my hips lifted off the ground wanting even more.
I reached with my right, through her copper hair, and pulled at the knot on her dress till it came loose. It was tough, as I was already quaking from her expert fingers. Her three fingers were rubbing against the top interior of my pussy while her thumb pressed down on my clit. It was like she had a cheat-code to my body to make it cum repeatedly.
I managed to undo her the knot and the top strap came undone, revealing her beautiful, freckled tits to me. I dislodged her from my own chest, and brought her boobs to my mouth, making her moan. It took her off-balance, so I used the trick Mom did with Brad. I wrapped my legs around Crystal’s back and rolled her onto hers. Now she was at my mercy.
“How did you-”
“Family secrets.” I reached under her dress, yanked down her panties and stuffed three of my fingers into her twat. “How do you like it?” I asked, before sucking on her tits again.
“Oh God ... you learn fast!” she cried out, feeling my revenge by doing what she’d done to me. I pumped my fingers fast and hard, focusing on the area inside the top of her tunnel while my thumb made small circles on her clit. She was soaking wet; my whole hand soon dripped with her juices.
“Fist me,” she suddenly moaned.
I brought my face to hers. “What?”
“Fucking fist me, slut! Stuff that hand right into me,” she cried as she came from my fingers.
I didn’t quite know how to do this, but she seemed adamant about it. I brought my fingers together into a wedge and pressed them to her opening. It wouldn’t give, at first, but I kept at it. I wiggled and pressed, getting a little bit more of each of my fingers inside each time, till I felt my thumb breach her walls. I expected to see pain on her face, but there was only ecstasy.
“Ooooooo ... fuuuuuucckkkk!” she groaned as I felt my narrow wrist sink deep inside of her. I looked down to see she’d taken it all, and my fingers were pressed against her cervix. I closed my hand to form a fist and pushed it in and out, slowly at first.
“Doesn’t that hurt?” I asked curiously.
“Nnnnoooo...” she groaned. “It fffffffeeeeellllss greeaaaat.”
I kept going, pushing my hand faster and faster inside her. It felt weird, knowing my hand was fully wedged inside another human. I could feel every squeeze, every movement, and every inch of her reproductive space. I bumped my fist against her cervix hard, on more than one occasion. She didn’t complain, she did the opposite, moaning and groaning on the dirty store floor.
She squealed, letting out a series of high-pitched noises as I felt her pussy clamp down on my hand. I wondered if that was what a cock felt inside me when I came, if so, then I get why guys like sex so much. I felt a small splash of warm liquid land on my arm and I knew she’d squirted.
“Ok ... stop ... please stop!” she begged, but I kept my fist going for another few seconds till she squeezed down on my wrist again. Then I withdrew, my hand drenched and wet. I held it up so she could see, then licked the strong musty juices from my fingers.
“I’m going to get you for that...” she said, leaping on top of me and pinning me to the ground. She pulled at my skirt, tearing the two buttons off as she did. It was tossed away. She got my arms out of the shirt and bra, leaving me naked on the floor. All she had on was her white dress, the top of which hung down loosely in front. I pulled it over her head. We were now fully naked together on the floor, with her sitting on top of me, holding my wrists. She leaned down and kissed me hard and quickly, then pulled away.
“I’m going to eat your snatch till you cum over and over again,” she said, smirking in my face.
“How are you going to do that while holding me down?” I replied suggestively.
“There are ways...”
She rolled over on top of me and spun around. Her face ended up between my open legs, but my face was also between hers. I felt her fingers spread me open and her tongue lap at my exposed pink flesh. I closed my eyes and moaned, enjoying her tongue in my sex, but wasn’t about to leave her alone. I could see the small copper-red hairs around her lips that hovered tantalizingly close to my mouth.
Her outer and inner lips were wet and red in color, stretched open from my fist inside it. Using my hands, I pulled her ass down to my tongue, where I slurped thirstily on her clit, instantly causing a reaction from Crystal. She stopped eating me for a moment to warn me, pulling her hips away.
“Don’t. I’m too sensitive and I might soak you.”
That sounded more like a challenge to me than anything else. I reached up again, grabbed her ass hard, digging my fingernails in for grip, and brought her dripping snatch down to my mouth. She shuddered as my tongue ran the length of her slit. She didn’t stop me, though. Instead, she doubled her efforts on my pussy. It seemed like a race to make the other cum first, and I wanted to win.
I worked exclusively on her clit, sucking and nibbling on it; while Crystal played dirty, inserting a couple of fingers back into me while licking my clit too. It felt really good. She knew exactly what she was doing. I had a hard time using my mouth as I groaned constantly into her tender, wet flesh. But she was already a good way toward her own orgasm. I could see her body twitching. The closeup view of her throbbing sex, pulsating and clenching made me think I had the advantage.
But the apprentice cannot discount experience, and the master was too much for me. I felt something press against my asshole and then push inside. It was like a light switch was tripped and I knew I had lost. I tightened up, squirming under Crystal’s body. My legs lifted toward my chest and my scream was muffled by Crystal’s twat. That last little bit must have been enough though, and I heard a similar cry from between my legs.
My eyes had closed when I climaxed. When they opened, I watched Crystal’s pussy clench down hard before a stream of warm liquid squirted out, splashing all over my face. I moved my head a little closer to drink some of it, as it sprayed out. It tasted good - strong and pungent, but good. At that moment, I knew what it was like to be Brad when I squirted all over him. I felt really powerful.
We collapsed into a wet, heaving pile of naked flesh. We were both struggling to catch our breath while I wiped her squirt from my eyes. She rolled off me and crawled up to my face. She saw the state I was in and apologized.
“I’m sorry, I tried to warn you.”
“I loved it,” I said happily. “Feel free to squirt on my face anytime.”
“Oh, you don’t think it’s gross?” she said blushing.
“I shouldn’t, I do it too ... only there’s much more of it. It takes forever to get it to happen though.”
She put her arms around me and licked a bit off my face. “I’d like to make that happen for you.”
I was honest, “That sounds great, but it takes hours of guys fucking me constantly to make it happen; and when it does ... waterfall.”
She kissed my face again, “Mmmm ... I’d like to see that.”
“Well, you shared with me. I can give you my personal video if you want ... uh, you may see a familiar face.”
She pulled away with a shocked look on her face. “Are you...? Don’t tell me you’re getting into the business.”
“No no no no, I’m not. Don’t worry,” I said with a chuckle. “I just ... I did a sex tape with my neighbor last week. He ... uh, has a friend with some cameras.”
“You don’t mean...”
I sighed, “Yeah ... when Tuc- I mean David, dropped off that USB, I didn’t know you knew him. He didn’t know I worked here either, so it was kind of awkward.”
“I thought you said he was your teacher? Did you lie to me?”
“Oh no, that was true. He was my teacher for a year when I went to St. Augustus. I just, sort of ran back into him at my neighbor’s place for a threesome ... and then again for the tape which turned into another threesome.”
She looked at me, wide-eyed, “Wow, you sure do have a lot of threesomes.”
I put my hand to my face, “Don’t even get me started...”
“OK, that’s some surprising information.” She sounded a little hurt. “I guess that leads to something I wanted to talk to you about anyway; the situation the other day with Denise and David. I was going to talk to you once we were dressed but...”
I nodded, “ ... we’re already into it, I suppose. Yes, he came to visit me here. I’m sorry but...”
“ ... you shouldn’t cause a scene Jane. I had customers calling to complain.”
“Wait what?! I’m confused...”
Crystal’s emerald eyes sparkled as she looked at me, “Look, I know you’re new and things can get pretty heated, especially with our ... uh, situationship ... but I have to treat you like everyone else. Denise wants me to give you a formal write up, but I think a verbal warning is enough.”
“Woah, wait ... what?” I scrambled to my feet. “What am I getting in trouble for?”
Crystal sat up and clutched her nude legs to her chest. “Jane, you know you can’t take your personal situations into work and let them blow up in front of customers.”
I was flabbergasted. “I did no such thing! Who said I did?”
“Jane, it’s ok. It doesn’t mean anything. Knowing you’re involved with David ... it makes more sense that you’d lose your cool; just please don’t do it here. He’s still my friend after all.”
I tried to defend myself. “Again, I didn’t yell at anyone. I was helping someone completely different when Denise lost her mind and started screaming at him.”
Crystal shook her head. “That wasn’t what Denise told me.”
“What? Why would she lie about that?” I was confused. “Ask Jeanette, she worked that day. She was there during the yelling. I know she’ll back me up, we both were baffled when it happened.”
I watched Crystal stand up, her ginger bush glowed on her mostly pale body. “You sound pretty certain about this,” said Crystal, looking at me intently. “I work with Jeanette tomorrow, so I’ll ask. But I’d like you to tell me now. Why would Denise lie about this?”
Honesty seemed like the best policy here. “She hates David. I know that with certainty. She told me to keep him away from the store or I’d be fired. I love this job, so I did what I had to do.”
She looked at me with concern. “What does that mean?”
“I kept him entertained ... well, a bunch of guys in a truck stop restroom.”
“He took you to the glory hole, didn’t he?” Crystal’s voice cracked a little.
“Yeah. He suggested stopping by the store again, so I had to go along with it. Well, I didn’t actually know where I was going before I got there.”
“And you did it because Denise threatened your job?” Her voice got a little higher.
“I mean ... kinda yeah. I probably would have done it anyway, I am kind of a slut, but the added pressure didn’t help,” I said honestly.
Crystal angrily grabbed her dress off the floor. “I swear, if what you’re saying is true ... I’m gonna ... I might have to fire her.”
I couldn’t believe what she said. And worse, that I’d have to defend Denise. “Don’t do that!” I said as I put my arms around her in a tight hug. “Please, maybe you two just need to talk it out.”
I felt Crystal put a hand on my arm, “But if she’s lying to me about something like this ... intentionally trying to hurt you...”
“I think she’s trying to protect you,” I confessed. “Look, I don’t know your friendship dynamic or whatever, but she loves you and doesn’t want to see you get hurt.”
“If what you’re saying is true, and I’ll check with Jeanette tomorrow, maybe the three of us need to sit down and talk it out. I’m putting a lot of trust that what you’re saying is true. If it isn’t, we’ll be having a different conversation.”
I could only nod. I let go of her and started picking up the discarded pieces of clothing from our earlier lovemaking. When I bent over to grab the ripped pair of panties off the ground...
SMACK!
Crystal spanked me on my ass hard. I turned my head to look at her, ass still hung up in the air, my face in a grin.
“If you don’t wanna be spanked, don’t give me such a tempting target,” she said slyly. Deciding to be cheeky, I wiggled my ass at her. I saw a devilish smile cross her face and I readied myself for what was to come.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!