Chapter 14

I wanted to look perfect today, so I checked my hair in the bathroom mirror again. It was a big day, and I just wanted to look my best. This was my next big date with Ross. We were to meet at his apartment for lunch and to watch a movie. His roommate would be gone to work, so he told me we’d have the whole place to ourselves. I was excited and couldn’t wait. I wasn’t sure how far I would go with him right away; I didn’t want to look like a complete slut.

That was something I was having a difficult time with. I really liked him and would absolutely do whatever he wanted, but how many dates should we have before I did that? It was different than with James, since Riley told me to do him; or with Brad, which was only for sex. I wanted to be in a relationship with Ross, so I wanted him to think the best of me. I didn’t want him to know about my deviant sexual side, at least not right away.

I struggled to find something to wear, as I tossed outfit after outfit onto my bed. I wanted to find something that screamed sexy but not slutty. I dug through everything I had until I was able to piece together something that resembled the look I wanted. As I inspected myself in the mirror, I had to admit that I looked good. The short jean shorts showed off my legs nicely and actually made it look like I had an ass worth looking at. For the top, a thin purple almost backless top that tied behind my neck. When I found it buried in the bottom of a drawer, I couldn’t remember where I’d gotten it. It wasn’t my style of clothing. All I could think of was it may have been left here by one of my friends, either Val or Becca.

I normally don’t wear makeup, my parents always told me I look pretty without it, so I didn’t have a lot to choose from. I decided to just go with a hint of blush and some lip gloss. I knew this would be a big moment for me and I wanted to look good for Ross. It was stupid, of course, he’d likely be happy if I showed up wearing a garbage bag, but to me it was different. I needed this to be different.

This was an actual date with someone who could be my boyfriend, and I really liked him. He was unlike Curtis, who taught me the wonders and joys of sex. All the pleasures and feelings that I could experience giving myself to a sexual partner, submitting myself to their wants and desires. It was the same with Brad, which was purely physical and helped both of us out. Riley was, well ... Riley; my muse and confidant, the one who whispered in my ear to trust myself and go for it. Finally, there was my time with James, Riley’s boyfriend but he thought I was Riley ... but then he had sex with Riley as me? That one was confusing, and I’ll just say it doesn’t count.

Thinking about this made my head hurt but the important part was that those were all only physical relationships, just sex. With Ross, I was hoping for something more. This would be my first real emotional relationship that became physical, and I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted myself to be perfect, since it wasn’t like I was a virgin anymore. I hoped he didn’t think I was. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I certainly didn’t want him to know about Curtis, or especially Brad, since I didn’t plan on giving him up any time soon.

I looked at myself one final time and finally had to pull myself away from the mirror. I needed to meet him at the bus stop near the store, his apartment was in a different part of town, and he wanted to take me there himself. I picked up my keys and purse before I locked the door behind me and headed out into the world to meet my handsome date.

The weather was hot as I walked down the road towards Fit City, but what was hotter were the looks I was getting from all the men on the street. At one point, I heard tires squeal at an intersection as I walked by, and I couldn’t help but think I almost caused an accident. Did this happen before and I never noticed, or was this attributed to my change in attitude and newfound confidence? I wasn’t too sure, but I couldn’t help but feel delighted knowing guys thought I was pretty.

“Hey, yous in the shorts! You wanna trys a real man?” I heard a construction worker yell out before a chorus of whistling followed from the rest of the crew.

I should have been offended and did my best not to look in their direction, but that was the first time I’d ever been cat-called. It was crude and insensitive, but a little part of me enjoyed the attention, at least for now. I could imagine after a few times it would get tiring, but I would at least remember that first time as positive. I couldn’t help but smile to myself knowing that I looked that good for Ross.

I saw Ross leaning up against the side of the building waiting for me, his eyes on his phone. He looked up briefly, as if to scan the crowd for me when he spotted me. I could see his eyes sparkle as a sly grin appeared across his lips. His phone went into the pockets of his light brown shorts, and he walked towards me.

“Wow, you look...,” he started as I did a little spin for him.

“You like?”

“I very much like.” He leaned in and kissed me.

“You look good, too,” I said as his light blue T-shirt clung tightly to his body. He took my hand and led me to the bus stop. We chatted as we waited but all I could think about was how sexy he looked.

“Jane? Is that you?” I heard a familiar voice say behind me. I turned to see my friends Val and Becca staring at me, their faces frozen in surprise.

“Oh my God, we thought you disappeared or died or something?” Becca said, “Wait, is that my shirt?”

“Hey girls,” I said, slightly embarrassed. It wasn’t that I was seen with Ross or anything, it was that I hadn’t actually been that good of friend for the past couple of months. Ever since the camping trip, I’ve been lost in my own world and haven’t really spent time or really talked to either of them. We’d all been friends since the 4^th grade, when Bobby Tompkins pushed Val off the swings and we made him eat sand. That was before I became an anxious mess once puberty struck.

“Ross, these are my friends Val and Becca. Girls, this is Ross.” I tried to sound mature but my confidence waned under the scrutiny of my belated friends.

“Nice to meet you,” Ross said as he smiled and nodded.

“Sorry, Beck, I found this in a drawer and thought it looked good. I figured it wasn’t mine but...”

“Nah, it looks good on you. You look ... different,” Becca said, as she eyed me up and down.

“Seriously, you disappear and suddenly we find you with this stud. What happened to Jittering Jane?” Val asked, as she eyed up Ross like a hungry wolf.

I saw the sanctuary of a bus approaching and hoped it was the right one, “I’ve had an interesting summer. I think this is us though. I promise I’ll call you later, ok?”

“You’d better, bitch. Have fun.” The girls started to walk away as the bus stopped in front of us. Ross walked on first and I followed. We sat together as the bus pulled away.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized.

“That’s ok, it happens. I think this bus gets us close enough anyway,” he said with a laugh, “I thought you needed saving.”

“My hero.”

The bus dropped us off a few blocks further from his apartment than he planned, but it wasn’t an unpleasant walk since I was with Ross. We talked and I explained that I’d kind of ghosted my friends for the past couple months and I’ve been trying to change into a less anxious person. When he asked if I was anxious with him, I replied honestly that I was, a little. I liked him and I wanted things to go well with us. He told me he liked me, too, and I didn’t have to worry. That made me feel better when we finally got to his building.

It wasn’t the nicest place. It was a little run down and in a rough part of town but what could you expect from a student working at a fitness store. There were bars on the ground floor windows and grime on the bricks. The stairwell was covered in graffiti, which was difficult to see since half the stairway lights were burnt out or missing. Some of the doors had thick metal sheets around the locks and doorknobs, and I couldn’t help but think it was from police or criminals kicking them in.

The air was stagnant in the corridor as we reached the 5^th floor. Strange scents filled the hallways, a mix of ethnic cooking and rotten garbage. I almost had to hold my nose when we finally reached his door. He pulled out his keys and unlocked it, welcoming me inside.

“Here we are, home sweet home,” he said before adding, “make yourself comfortable.”

The inside wasn’t as bad as the outside, but it was clear that a couple of guys lived there. The kitchen sink was filled with dirty dishes, coats were piled on the back of a chair, and some big-titted anime girl who looked fourteen looked at me from her knees on a poster in the living room. I put my purse down on the ‘coat chair’ and headed for the couch that looked like it had been found by the side of the road.

“Twenty bucks for this thing,” Ross said proudly. “Got it from the people moving out; saved us a lot of work moving one in.”

“Very nice place you’ve got here,” I said as I carefully sat down. I was a little afraid something might bite me from the couch cushions.

“I know, it’s a little rough around the edges but it’s freedom. Sorry about the poster, my roommate is a giant Weeb. You don’t even want to look in his room, you’ll have nightmares.”

I smiled and nodded but honestly, I had no idea what he was talking about. He asked what movie I wanted to watch as he turned on some video game console hooked up to a decent sized TV. He turned to Netflix and started to scroll. I told him to choose whatever he wanted. I didn’t even see what he picked, as I was distracted by the sound of yelling from the hallway.

When I turned back, all I saw was the name Nicholas Cage and knew I wasn’t going to pay much attention to what was on screen. In truth though, I don’t think I had planned to pay attention to anything he’d chosen to watch. Not five minutes into whatever was going on, Ross’ arm moved behind my neck and hung loosely over my shoulder. I leaned into him more, resting my head on his shoulder. I looked up and batted my eyes. His lips met mine and everything else faded into the background.

There was barely a breeze that came through the open window, and our bodies were soaked in sweat before we’d even started. His hand lowered from my shoulder and tentatively touched my breast. I think he was testing to see if I would stop him, but I didn’t, I moaned and pushed my chest up into his hand to give him the green light.

We were making out with me somewhat upside down, so I changed positions and pulled him down on top of me. His hands returned to my small breasts which were free from the confines of a bra, since I hadn’t worn one. All that stood between his fingers, and my chest was a thin piece of purple material. I could already see that my nipples jutted out from the tight fabric as he teased them, but he didn’t try to remove my shirt.

On the other hand, I reached down and quickly pulled his shirt over his head. His body was fit and toned as I could feel the definition in his muscles as I ran my hands over his chest. His skin was damp with sweat as I moved my hands around to his back, letting my nails gently scrape against his skin.

“You’re so hot,” Ross moaned as he kissed down my neck. I pushed my chest out, begging for more contact. He finally got the hint and reached behind my neck and untied the strap that held my shirt up. Slowly, he peeled it down, as my breasts came into view for him. His mouth sucked on one nipple and then the other. I cradled his head in my hands as my head lifted up.