Chapter 8: Connections and Health

Ferra returned, removed her robe, and walked around me. She stroked the top of my head, the back of my head, my throat, upper back, mid back, lower back, and tailbone area. She paused over my tailbone and said, “Your root is blocked.” My root, what root, I wanted to tell her that I’m not a plant, not a tree, humans don’t have roots.

She rubbed coconut oil up and down my spine, which caused me to shiver and clench my legs.

“Oh, dear, you’ve had some trama, let’s help heal that,” she mumbled and made a huge circle up my spine, down my sides, over my bum, then up my spine again, four or five times, before she stopped at my tail bone, where she pressed down, and put something warm on it, a rock, or a crystal maybe.

She moved to my lower back, swirled her fingers, light, feather-like, and placed another rock on my lower back. She did the same with my mid back, my upper back, the back of my neck, and the back of my head, then held the top of my head with her hands. I stared at the floor through the face hole and thought foolish thoughts. Cartoons, slapstick humor, dad jokes, Eva jokes, and then Fenna’s face swam into view, her smile, her acceptance, the way she always tried to help, I didn’t deserve her.

“You have a strong connection to someone, a deep connection, bluish with red streaks,” Ferra said as she held my head and gently pressed her thumbs on the top. How can she know about my connection to Rebecca? She must have read it in my file. Mom must have told Penny, who wrote it down, and passed it on to Ferra.

“A complicated but simple connection,” she said. I knew it, as soulmates, we will never stay apart. I just need to get stronger and more in control of myself so I can deal with Rebecca.

“Shhh, relax,” Ferra said, and I realized I had made fists and clenched my ass tight.

“I need to explore this connection. Give me a second to get that person,” she said, and left the room without her robe.

How did she get Rebecca here? I thought Anna and Tess had Rebecca put in the hospital. Fuck. Shit. What do I do?

I screamed at my body to get up, to get dressed, to get the hell out before the monster, my soulmate, could get here, but she must have already arrived, in a different room, waited for me, to return, to capture me, to turn me into a fuck toy for her father, to pimp me out to her friends, but also to love me, to look after me, to guild me in my fucked up life.

Tears dripped onto the floor, and my body refused to move. I clenched my feet, my calves, my upper legs, but they didn’t move. I tried to shake off the rocks or crystals that held me to the table, but they didn’t budge.

Then the door opened, cold air and a jasmine scent swept into the room, which caused sweat beads to grow along my arms, my neck, my back, and my legs. I clenched my eyelids tight, so tight they hurt, but still the tears fell, and my body refused to move.

Ferra placed a hand on my head and said, “Shhhh, it’s ok. I can’t be there every day for you, but this person, who loves you, cares about you, and has a deep connection, can and will. I have talked to them, and I will guide them on what to do.”

My body vibrated in fear, in lust, in feeling, my insides twisted, my vagina leaked, and my nipples hurt against the firm table. Why did my body still want Rebecca? Just the name sounds like a monster’s, and yet, the therapist even said that we had a connection, deep, forever, soulmates, for life.

A soft hand touched the back of my head and removed the stone. Rebecca, when she wants something, she can manipulate me, into her father’s bed, into her twisted parties.

The hand removed the rock on my neck, upper back, mid-back, and lower back, but left the last crystal or stone on my tailbone. The room’s lighting grew reddish, but I kept my eyes shut. Did Rebecca and Ferra plan to use and abuse me? Pimp me out. I bet they set up a gangbang, a train, or something awful.

My hands trembled, my legs shook, but then the hands touched my upper back, not Rebecca’s, someone else, someone different, but who?

“Margot, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, but I did, kinda, but,” Fenna said. Drops of sweat or tears dripped onto my back. My whole body shook, in pleasure! In pleasure. Fenna and I shared the connection Ferra talked about, but Fenna hated me, even though, I loved her, her soul, so pure, her body, so perfect, her friendship, so true. Everything about her. And I destroyed that. What kind of monster hurts someone like her?

Her hands circled my back, Ferra’s words guided her, soft, perfect hands, around my shoulder blades, down my arms, over my hands, my fingers, where she intertwined her fingers with mine, her breasts lay on my upper back, her belly against the top of my head, and I shivered, in ecstasy, not orgasm, but something more profound, my limbs tingled, and my breath matched her breath. We breathed together, the same air, two souls connected, pure connection.

She lifted my shoulders, rubbed along my ribs, snaked her hands under my hips, and rested her breasts and body on my back. Again, our breaths matched, and energy flowed between us. Images of black, ugly ooze dripped from my toes and fingers, while her pure white, blue, red, orange, and yellow energy pushed the awful stuff out. I shuddered and moaned, but with calmness, and a sensual feeling of connection.

Her fingers trailed down my legs, over my calves, around my ankles, then up and down the middle of my feet. Muscles released, deep muscles that had stayed clenched since my injury. Each toe, she twisted, pulled, and massaged, while my breath grew ragged, shallow, then deep, and I felt everything, the breath on the back of my legs, her breast when it swayed and touched my foot. But I only felt her —her energy, her fingers, hands, forearms —wherever she touched, energy, electricity, infused me, pushed the bad stuff away, until Rebecca became a name, but nothing more.

But Fenna, Fenna the name, grew into the name of a goddess, a presence that I could sense at all times. I knew before she moved what she would do next. I anticipated and groaned with relief and desire as she trailed her fingernails up my inner thighs until she arrived at my holes, my ripped and torn places, that connected me with so many people, who didn’t care about me, just used me, but Fenna, she cared. Maybe the only one.

“The yoni, a sacred place, just above, the perineum, a tender spot that will help heal Margot. Touch it lightly, back and forth, like this,” Ferra said and touched the spot. Images of orgies, of strange men that had fucked me, exploded in my mind, but soon faded as she caressed. Fear grew inside me, but Fenna’s fingers, her energy flowed into me and pushed it away. Just her fingers on my perineum, so close to my yoni as Ferra called it.

My legs spread, almost off the table. Fenna’s other hand rested on my upper back. The heat warmed my heart, caused it to beat faster, harder than when I ran hard, sweat dripped off me, my juice leaked onto the table, but Fenna stayed at that small area of skin. Back and forth she rubbed, over and over until I moaned, and fell into a deeper state of being, of existing.

“Now, onto her front,” Ferra said, and helped me roll over. She positioned a pillow under my head and my thighs, while Fenna stared at me. The heat of her stare scared me. She didn’t blink, her mouth slightly apart, her body red splotched and pale pink in the light. The crystal, red, jabbed into my side where it had fallen. I picked it up and examined it. Beautiful, with pinkish flecks, not perfect, but perfect in an imperfect way.

Fenna started at my feet, up my legs, and over my hips. Her breasts trailed her hands, her nipples like a soft crystal that burned as it touched me. My hips wiggled, my legs spread with my heels against my ass, but Fenna’s fingers lingered and moved around my stomach, her nails lightly dragged around my belly button, which caused me to gasp, hold my breath, and shiver. I felt everything: her breasts on my upper chest, her belly against mine, and her hair that tickled my nipples. A fire burned inside me, deep in my belly, that ran along my spine and touched on my neck.

I couldn’t control my breath as I stared at Fenna above me, with blue eyes, dark blue eyes in the reddish light, pursed lips, flared nostrils, and cute little ear lobes with tiny bunny rabbit-faced earrings. Everything about her face made me moan. Her neck muscles rippled as she swallowed and touched the edge of my breasts.

“Fenna, play with her breasts, knead them, caress them,” Ferra said. Fenna lifted her breasts off me and kneaded my breasts. Her nipples swung across and touched my lips. I wanted to suckle them, to lick them, but I didn’t dare break the connection she had with me. I didn’t want her to hate me because I did something she didn’t like.

“Here, climb up on the table, your knees on either side of her,” Ferra said from miles away. Fenna removed her breasts, pushed my legs straight, then climbed up till her crotch, her pubic hair pressed against my lower belly, her breasts rested on my stomach, and her hands played with my breasts. They have never tinged like that, not ticklish, but sensual, soft, warm. The table swallowed me, and Fenna’s hips pressed down on mine.

Fire, lava, an inferno raced across my skin, and a deep connection ran from my heart to hers. She palmed my nipples, she swirled her fingers around my aeora, which caused the heat of the room to fill my lungs, to smother me in love, deep love, the love of someone who loves without unconditions, something I wish I had, the love of a parent, grandparent, but more, deeper, someone who cared about me, loved me.

Fenna slipped down my body and moved my legs back to the butterfly pose, my heels against my butt, my yoni spread as if it needed to breathe.

Fenna cupped my yoni, and heat pulsed through it, her fingers along the sides, not in, not on my clit, beside, and nothing mattered except my connection to Fenna, the most pure soul in the world.

She began to circle my clitoris, soft, heavy, light, quick, slow. I gasped, I moaned. My vision blurred as my body pulsed with the universe. The light of the world filled me, through Fenna, energy, pushed horrible memories away, pushed my past away, and cleaned me.

Then she touched it, the shaft of my clitoris, along the side, around, pressed down, released, I shivered, shuddered, but not in orgasm, in love, in universal love, worldly love, I loved Fenna more than I had ever loved anyone.

She tugged on my love button, my rod of heat, my connection to everything perfect in the world, and explosions rocked my mind, images of angels, devils, laughing faces, crying, serious, comical.

She tapped it in time to my heart and breath, each tap caused an explosion. And another explosion, maybe a scream, or moan, or both, I existed in two states, at the same time, explosions of intense orgasms, and perfect calmness, peace, bliss.

While she tapped, another finger slid into my yoni, my vagina, my love tunnel, and touched the mythical G-spot, a stroke, in time to the tap, in time to my heart, and everything went white. The world disappeared, and I met a pure white being, of purity, shaped light Fenna, wide-hipped, huge-breasted, the incarnation of womanhood.

I fell into the light, bathed in it, my body glowed, the world glowed, the table that I lay on, the little wooden table with coconut oil, Ferra, naked, muscled, with firm, high breasts, all glowed.

I had to close my eyes with hopes that I would be able to see, later, again.

Fenna released me.

Yet, a blue band, with red, and orange, and yellow streaks, connected us. She glowed pure white.

I didn’t want to move. I couldn’t move.

Fenna stroked my hair and cradled my head.

Ferra robbed herself and left.

I existed.

I don’t remember the drive home, how I ended up on the couch in Fenna’s arms, but I felt lighter, better.

“Ferra said that I should only do that to you every second or third day,” Fenna said and kissed my ear. I had my feet pulled up on the couch, my head on her shoulder, with comfort clothes on, a hoodie that smelled like dad’s aftershave, and sweat pants that smelled like my musk. No underwear, my vagina, yoni, still leaked.

“Mmmmm,” was all I could say. Fenna sat upright, almost rigid, and appeared uncomfortable. Her black sports bra couldn’t fully contain her breasts and gave her deep cleavage. I wanted to lick her, play with her, but she definitely didn’t want that, and I couldn’t destroy this moment with such crass behaviour.

“She said that you need time to recover and heal, and it will take many more sessions, and that I could do those,” Fenna said and kissed my forehead. So sweet, so perfect. To hold me, help me, after everything. I wish I had Fenna as my soulmate instead of the monster Rebecca. Maybe with Fenna’s help, I could break the connection to Rebecca, after all, Fenna and I had a great connection earlier today.

“Fenna, you are the best friend a person could ever have,” I murmured and snuggled deeper into her arms.

Something changed, the love, the pure white love, changed. Fenna still held me, but different, more stiff. Her breath changed, deeper, and her heart slowed, but then sped up. I can’t believe how much she puts up with me, broken me. To stay with me, to give me the wonderful massage, out of friendship. I would like more, but I will accept whatever Fenna gives me.

She didn’t say anything as we watched a movie about dogs, on an Island. I didn’t understand, and I don’t think Fenna did either, because when Mom arrived with Suishi, neither one of us could tell her what happened.

The three of us ran together. I hadn’t run so light since the first week of school, but Fenna didn’t say anything the whole run. Mom asked me questions about the session, but I refused to answer her.

Fenna didn’t stay the night, but she did come over the next evening and run with us. Somehow, our connection didn’t feel as strong. I loved her like a best friend, and I wanted more, but I didn’t dare ask. She had already done so much for me, I didn’t want to screw it up and push for more. While I didn’t want us just to stay friends, I also couldn’t lose that friendship by trying for something more. I didn’t have the strength to survive if she rejected me.

I had nothing to do all day. Charlotte didn’t answer, likely because of school. Fenna had to stay home and do homework, which I had already done. Everyone else had school. Abigail sent me upskirt photos, but that only distracted me for so long. Then the text arrived.

‘Hey, soulmate, you available for a talk?’

Rebecca. I had forgotten to block her number. The letters caused tears to form in my eyes. I didn’t want anything to do with her, nor her ridiculous world, but how do I tell her that without responding?