Chapter 2: My Diary

I wandered home through the town fairly aimlessly, because I was horribly distracted. In fact I had to backtrack twice as I had taken a wrong turn. It was a minor miracle I didn’t end up falling into one of the many abandoned open-pit coal mines around town.

I finally made it home and I found Ilka sitting at the table, fully clothed despite the oppressive heat inside, and she was looking almost morose. She had two fans running which made her long hair fly about in erratic patterns. But frankly, those two fans were just shovelling hot air back and forth.

“Sit down, Mario,” she told me in a strange tone. We had never had any spats really. I wasn’t the guy to do mischief, so I didn’t really know what Ilka sounded like when she was angry. I wasn’t even sure if she was angry now.

“Did something happen? You never miss one of our games,” I asked and she nodded.

“I have a confession to make,” she said. “I found and read your diary.”

I felt a massive instant blush reddening my face. It felt like burning up, which didn’t quite help when the room temperature was already at Sahara desert levels to begin with. I was sweating buckets.

“Labelling it ‘coach: tactical sketches’ was actually quite a clever idea,” she said with a slightly sad smile. “But leaving it on your desk on a day you have a game was not. I thought you had forgotten something important.”

“Are ... are you angry with me?” I stuttered.

“Normally you should be angry with me,” she said. “I have no business reading through your diary. But if you need to know, no, I’m not angry with you. A girl can think of worse things than a boy only half her age thinking she has the ‘hottest pair of tits’ he has ever seen.”

Okay, by now I felt like hovering on the edge of fainting. The hot air in our flat and the sensation of my skin nearly burning up was doing me in.

“You might need to rethink the wording when giving a complement,” she continued. “But I’m worried where this is going, Mario. What I’ve read sounded a lot more serious than just a young boy’s flight of fancy. Where is this going?”

“Well, you’ve given me the talk about boys and girls, and I’m old enough now...” I blurted out, making her look at me in shock.

“Mario, did you just tell me you want to have sex with me?” she asked.

“Well, maybe not right now ... yet...” I back-paddled lamely. I knew I had dug myself a right ol’ hole and Ilka had handed me a bigger shovel. My brain being at boiling point didn’t help either.

She rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand.

“Okay, let’s put all the cards on the table,” she said after gathering her thoughts. “I understand you like me a lot. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you react in a certain way when I’m not wearing much. You aren’t a little boy any more, you’ve grown not only in height.”

Okay, that didn’t help getting rid of my hell-fire blush one bit.

“To be really honest, I actually went naked a few times deliberately, to tease you and because it feels good to be looked at with such admiration. But now I realise this wasn’t just a silly little game. Mario, you are eighteen years younger than I am. When you will be my age, in the best years for a man, I’ll be a fifty year old granny. Have you ever thought about that? I might look good for my age right now, but that won’t last forever.”

That hurt. “Do you really think I only want you for your breasts?” I asked her, and I didn’t bother to hide the upset in my voice.

“Well, you wrote quite an essay on them,” she said and my blush returned with a vengeance. “I know you like me a lot more than that. But have you really thought about all this?”

“You’ve read it,” I answered with a shrug. “I didn’t write forty something pages without thinking about stuff.”

The room fell silent for a long time, only the hum of the two most useless fans in the world could be heard.

“Mario, I want you to think long and hard about this,” she finally said. “I love you too, not as a foster child, but as man. But if we really went on this journey together, you need to understand I would need a lot of reassuring. I’ve seen a lot of your class mates. In two or three years time some of those girls will look much hotter than me. And they will make advances towards you. You are not exactly ugly. Can you really promise me here and now you would refuse all those advances for a girl twice your age?”

I snorted. “I’ve had those ‘advances’. When I stopped being skinny, the girls suddenly noticed me. They constantly ask me to go out with them on Fridays, even girls from 10th grade. I’ve told them all no. If you have a few excuses that I can use without hurting them? I’m running out.

You see, the girls in our class, they’re interested in serious stuff like steady relationships, while most of the boys still giggle when sex comes up in biology lessons. Since we are the only ones who don’t they’re all after me and Jogi.”

She actually chuckled a bit at that. “I think there are a lot more admirable qualities about you than not giggling in biology lessons. But how can you be sure you’re not just fascinated with me because I’m the only woman you’ve ever seen naked, at least up close?”

“It’s not all about your body,” I insisted. “If I just wanted too look at breasts, I could go to the beach. Most of the girls from our school go there too. Do you think any of them would just sit on the sofa cuddling for two hours? All they want is fun and action, and besides ... some of them drink secretly. I can’t stand that.”

“You’re dead serious, aren’t you?” she asked. Obviously it sank in that I wasn’t just having a teenager’s fantasy here.

“I didn’t write that diary because I have a bad memory,” I admitted, still blushing. “But I hadn’t expected you to find it so quickly.”

“So that’s how long you’ve already thought about me as a woman, not as a guardian? Over half a year now?”

I nodded. “Actually since that night two years ago when the old guy put something in your drink. I was a bit too young to really understand what those feelings meant. But now I know.”

“Oh dear,” she said and could see an errant tear run down her face. I reached over and gently wiped it away with my finger. That made her smile.

“So ... what do we do now?” I asked.

“That depends on you,” she said and for a change I wasn’t the only one blushing. “You know my heart has been badly broken twice in the last ten years. But if you’re so sure it won’t be broken a third time ... then you have a girlfriend now.”

I grinned and put a clumsy kiss on her. We hugged each other and just sat there for a while.

“Mario, things won’t happen quickly,” she warned me. “We’re not going to be rutting like rabbits by next week. I have to go on the pill first, and it takes a few weeks before we’re fully safe.”

“You still don’t trust me? You think this is just to get you into bed?”

“I’m sorry, no,” she back-pedalled with a smile. “But, Mario, you are fourteen. You want it really, really badly at that age. When I was fourteen I diddled myself nearly every night.”

I gasped and then laughed about her blunt admission. She laughed with me.

“We can do a few other things, but I need you to have a bit of patience okay?”

“I know all that,” I said. “Actually, right now I would be happy enough if we could just get rid of those damn clothes. I’m being boiled in my own juices here and those two fans are not helping much.”

She smiled and stood before me. “Then undress me, my gallant knight in the sweaty polo shirt.”

That was not an invitation I needed to be extended twice. She wasn’t wearing an awful lot to begin with. The blouse came off easily, although my hands did actually shake a bit from the excitement. She did have to help me with unclasping the bra. I was just too clumsy for that.

“Don’t worry you’ll get the hang of opening and closing these things with time,” she reassured me with a smile.

“I think I’ll practice opening them first,” I said and she giggled.

A gentle push downwards and her cycling pants were gone too. The woman of my dreams was standing right in front of me – stark naked.

And this time she wasn’t just Ilka any more – she was my Ilka. She was short, but she was delicate and exceptionally well-built. Due to her daily fitness regime there wasn’t a gram of fat on her, except in those incredibly beautiful breasts of hers – at least that was what they had told us in biology. Apparently a woman’s breasts were made mostly of fat.