Chapter 2: Self-redemption

For two years, I was like a psychopath. There was a voice deep in my heart asking me to destroy my sexual ability. When I became impotent and eliminated this sexual impulse, I could go home, get along with my mother normally, and take care of her until the end of her life. But at the same time, I still kept a dream, hoping that the dream of living together with my mother could come true.

Masturbating crazily, five, six, seven or eight times a day, I couldn’t tell whether I was punishing my sexual impulse or indulging in the pleasure of orgasm. I was squandering my sexual ability unscrupulously. I felt vaguely that I seemed to be addicted to masturbation. The orgasm of those few seconds in my lower body seemed to become eternal in my brain.

The unspeakable abnormal love, the gap between reality and dream, and the repeated unrequited love accumulated many disappointments and loneliness. Every time it seemed like a broken heart, but I couldn’t find a channel to vent.

When I was a senior, I suddenly felt like I was running to the girls’ dormitory and shouting the name of the girl who had been sending me messages for two years. I turned a deaf ear to the whistles and cheers until she rushed into my arms and cried. I gently patted her back and I burst into tears. Who else in the world could understand the pain of unrequited love better than me?

She was a junior, her name was Yingyue, very ordinary but very persistent. Although I never responded, she didn’t care. From asking someone to send me a message to handing me the message directly, she didn’t care about other people’s comments and ridicule. I felt the same way and thought that people with unrequited love were all in the same group. Only those who were tortured by unrequited love had true feelings, just like me. She was even much braver than me.

When Shen Rui learned that I was in love, she also came to join in the fun. Soon she became friends with Yingyue as my sister. Shen Rui had never been in a relationship, but she had been a school beauty for several years as a white, rich and beautiful woman. She didn’t refuse or accept many suitors, and was always close and distant.

Shen Rui revealed my childhood embarrassment while transforming Yingyue’s image. After taking Yingyue to the beauty salon for several image design, Yingyue was like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Suddenly, she amazed everyone and transformed into a sunny and beautiful girl while adding a bit of sexiness.

We started a formal date. I took the initiative to hold her hand and strolled on campus. In the cafeteria, she put the meat and vegetables in her bowl into my mouth. I tried my best to play my role. I accompanied her everywhere. At her request, I took her to visit all the famous attractions in the capital. This was different from the one-week relationship I accepted in my freshman year. This time I regarded Yingyue as the antidote for life. I suppressed all the messy things and tried to make myself more compatible with Yingyue.

I began to understand her preferences and solve her academic problems. I knew the pain of unrequited love. I tried my best to take care of her. I tried to satisfy and compensate her one-sided love. I thought that if I had a girlfriend and tried to fall in love with her, the sinful thoughts about my mother would fade and then disappear, and then return to normal life.

She was from the south, and she asked me to call her Ah Yue, and I followed her advice. She tried to find my hobbies by asking and probing, and tried to find resonance. I also let myself go to let her know my preferences. I took the initiative to hold her hand, and she took the initiative to hug me.

When we kissed for the first time, Ah Yue’s reaction was very enthusiastic. Her thin arms hugged my neck and raised her head to suck my lips. Her flexible and small tongue took the initiative to drill into my lips, making me subconsciously hug her back and stick out my tongue to communicate with her. I rudely sucked the flexible little tongue with my lips, making her struggle in my mouth. Her petite body moved and rubbed in my arms, and I couldn’t help but tie her tightly in my arms.

That beautiful time made me forget the abnormal love with my mother.

Until that night, I took Ah Yue to the hotel room...

There was no inquiry or response before going, and no conversation after entering the room. We took the initiative to kiss and take off each other’s clothes. Her hot body was imprinted on my chest, her small pigeon breasts slid on my chest, her flat belly squeezed my big cock, pressed it between our lower abdomens, my hands slid on her back, and finally wrapped her small buttocks and kneaded them.

I greedily explored the mouth of this junior sister with my tongue, wrapped her small buttocks with both hands to lift her off the ground, and stretched out a finger to touch the private area between her crotch.

After touching the softness between her crotch, I couldn’t help comparing her with my mother’s in my heart. Hers was smaller and drier. When I pressed my fingers, it seemed as if I was sinking into cotton candy. It didn’t get wet and slippery as quickly as my mother. This comparison flashed through my mind like lightning, and then I abandoned it. The nature of men made me indulge in the exploration of female reproductive organs.

I released one hand and pressed Ah Yue’s upper body against my chest, letting her chin rest on my shoulder. I put my other hand through her hip groove, wrapped it in my palm, supported her small pubic mound, and gently patted her labia and clitoris with my fingertips. Her breathing became heavier on my shoulder, and her slightly cold little hands subconsciously touched my back.

Gradually, Ah Yue’s vagina began to get wet. She raised her legs and clamped my waist, exposing everything between her legs for me to pick. My hand slid from her left thigh to her right thigh. When passing through her small but plump vagina, her whole body would tense up, but I knew she was looking forward to me touching her vagina, because she would hold her breath and press my back nervously with both hands until my hand slid past her before she would breathe a sigh of relief.

I put Ah Yue on the pink bed. She wanted to close her legs but saw my fiery eyes. Then she shyly tilted her head to one side, closed her eyes and raised her knees. This posture was that she closed her thighs, but also obeyed my will, spreading her calves to expose her vagina.

Looking at the small peach-shaped vagina between her tightly closed thighs, I impatiently held her ankles with both hands and pushed forward. With her moaning, her vagina completely opened up to the sky and appeared completely in front of my eyes. It was the first time I saw a real vagina. It was a completely different feeling from watching porn on the computer.

I stared at this organ that proves a woman’s identity, the channel that breeds life. The white and tender surface and the pink in the cracks are so touching, and the natural lines are so sweet and attractive. I saw the lush grass outside the vulva being blown by my heavy breath, the contrast between the black pubic hair and the white labia majora is so strong, and the pink inside the labia majora is so attractive. My breath and gaze seemed to give Ah Yue a strong stimulation. Her pink anus contracted and tightened, driving the inside of the vulva to wriggle, as if a small mouth was swallowing something.

I put my knees into Ah Yue’s waist and knelt down to cushion her body, so that Ah Yue’s lower body was open to the sky, holding her thighs with both hands, enjoying this visual feast, she blushed and glanced at me from time to time, as if to confirm whether I was satisfied with her body.

Carefully engraving the lower body of the first woman in my life in my mind, I reached out and gently opened the already shining vagina, and what came into view was the pink labia minora. There was a small pink bean on their heads, and the pair of labia minora were tightly clamped together. Their tails were the life passages of humans. Men would subconsciously insert their penises into the flesh holes, and with a little more force, the pair of pink labia minora also separated to form a small hole. According to the popular science I saw in the short video, this is the female urethra. The vicinity of the urethra is all urethral sphincter tissue. Most of the swallowing and spitting sensations produced by the vagina on the penis come from the expansion and contraction of the female urethral sphincter. The area around the urethra tissue is also where most of the pleasure points of women are located. Some people even say that conquering this place means conquering women.

Just as I was using my fingers to dip into the love juice to experience the touch of a woman’s vagina, Ah Yue kicked her legs and struggled for a while, asking to take a shower first. Of course I had to agree. I was so grateful that she could cooperate with me like this, how could I not agree? However, I did not let her go, but picked her up by the waist and went into the bathroom together. I wanted to give myself a sex education, a journey of experiencing the touch of a woman’s body.