Chapter 10: "Her Name Was Dani" Carla’s POV

The image of her walking through the hall in just her panties and camisole stuck with me when she entered Mrs. Ramirez’s social Studies class as if she was still wearing clothes when she nearly pushed me and Rachel to yank off her bra before those mailgirls, those mailgirls seated, on that stage and everyone around us. Out of the group texts, while in Mrs. Ramirez and at the beginning of lunch. Rachel and I hadn’t even spoken with each other—there were no words for it until after school. Just ... silence and that feeling I felt when my grandmother passed away last year. The kind you fill with glances, with half-started sentences, empty platitudes, and with a nausea that doesn’t go away.

She walked past us like it was normal. Like she didn’t feel the cold floor under her bare feet. Like she wasn’t exposed. Like she hadn’t just been stripped of most of her clothes.

We both sat through Mrs. Ramirez, and despite our best friend before any of us stepped foot on the grounds of Stephens Academy. She and Dani were still the bubbly people that we all had known, despite everything we all found out much later in the afternoon, talking with Wanda Mack in over-the-top detail a few days later.

In a way I am grateful that the powers that be allowed Rachel and me to have our best friend one last time before lunch. Despite that her body was just those two thin layers of fabric, Rachel and I chose to only see her fully dressed.

Now to the cafeteria demonstration, numb. That wasn’t Dani on the table. That was D14. A thing. An exhibit. A warning. Her body moved when they told it to. Bent when instructed. Obeyed the commands like a drone. Her eyes were open—but nothing behind them moved. Dani had accepted her fate, not allowing herself to show any emotion in front of her friends and classmates, especially not how she felt—sad and scared, but mostly betrayed by her parents for allowing this to happen to her if they could stop from what I learned later on.

That last night at Dani’s, correcting what was her house in her old room ... It felt like a wake. Her mom tried to keep it light, offering tea and acting like everything was fine. Mr. and Mrs. Carter were doing their best to keep everything positive but looking into both of their eyes, especially Mrs. Carter’s, felt like, in a way, it was a funeral.

The kind of smile that stretches too wide because it’s trying to keep something darker from leaking out. We barely said a word. Just sat in her bedroom with Dani, following spending it in the other parts of the house with several of her family, and Rachel and I had no clue who they were. Rachel whispered something that I already knew: our old dear friend Dani Carter, in a way, was gone. That over-the-top demonstration we all witnessed with her surrounded by several mailgirls on that table and several academy officials, many I had never seen before, were talking as we watched her pull off her camisole and panties as if her normal clothes had stopped existing the moment that director from the senior campus gave the command.

She didn’t cry. I did a better job holding back my tears than Rachel leading to her now D14 being helped off the table to the door to the rest of the school. We didn’t know if she still could. Is this Dani, our friend? Did they do something to her already that took away her emotions? With Dani emotionally shut down and not speaking, Rachel and I hugged Dani and said our goodbyes one last time before leaving. I don’t know about Rachel, but I decided to treat the whole situation as if one of my best friends had just died.

In the morning was worse when I met Dani at her door, sorry for what my mom told me last night once I got back home. I need to begin seeing what was left of one of my best friends in the past tense, the house she used to live in. I was doing my best to keep her warm seeing she was shivering hard—the cocktail of drugs given to the mailgirls to help them adapt to the cold temperatures hadn’t been administered yet, and her skin had already begun to turn blue as I was told by Mrs. Carter before walking with her down the driveway.

It wasn’t until I was at the edge of the driveway that I saw Rachel approaching, which caused me to suddenly stop and, in the process, nearly push our friend Dani, who was more or less now completely checked out, and it was overly sad. Before us, Rachel in all terms was covered, just it wasn’t ... From what I saw, all that she had on was a light sundress and open-toed sandals.

The only thing Rachel said, before grabbing the other arm of our old friend. The snow and ice touching her feet feel like stabbing pinpricks. Dani’s feet were already pale with blotches of purple and red. Her lips were already turning blue. I knew, from the time I was too lazy to dress for the cold and went out to check the mail and grab the newspaper in my silk pajamas and barefoot, exactly what Dani was feeling. Only I got to go back inside—she didn’t and I have no clue what Rachel was thinking. A thought crept in about her grandparents in California who, against all odds, had never seen clothes but dismissed it to put all of my attention on what was left of Dani.

Dani’s body offers no protection from the cold air that cuts through everything. Her body was shaking so hard it looked like she might collapse, but she kept walking and telling us she was not wearing any less than Rachel or me. One foot in front of the other. No complaints. No sound. It was as if her mind had already been altered and she no longer reacted to the world around her.

Finally, at the bus stop, I couldn’t figure out Rachel’s lack of attire. We both did our best to deflect what everyone around us at the bus stop was saying, our Dani remained silent as we wouldn’t allow her to remain in one spot until the bus arrived. The driver didn’t say anything, just opened the door a little faster than usual. The other kids moved aside, letting Dani board first. Inside, the heat hit us like a wall. She didn’t react, just stood there for a second, frozen in more ways than one, before Carla and I guided her to an empty seat. Her skin was ice cold.

I turned her sideways in the seat with Rachel in the seat on the other side of the aisle. We rubbed her feet, her legs, and her arms—anywhere we could reach, careful not to go too fast. Fortunately, we still had fifteen minutes before we reached the school. I knew that if the blood returned too quickly, it would do more harm than good. Her toes were stiff, like little stones. Her fingers barely moved. I don’t even know if she registered what we were doing. She didn’t flinch or even look at us. I felt a cold tear fall on my face at the loss of my friend. I suspected her mind had disconnected to deal with a situation Dani never wanted and feared.