Chapter 7: Desperation

I feel two hands grabbing me. Uncle pulls me to his lap, this time, placing me facing him.

Before I can stop myself, my hands wrap around his back and I start crying on his shoulder. I have lost everything that I loved, everyone I knew. I have nothing.

Uncle is the only person I know.

He strokes my hair for some time and lets me weep on his shoulder in silence.

Then he gently pulls my head from his shoulder and looks at my face.

Suddenly, I see his face and his villainous smile. I realise I can feel his hardness. Reflexively try to push myself off his lap but he grabs me, pulls me back and wraps his hands around my waist.

“It’s okay! It’s okay doll! Everything will be okay”, he says as he pulls me even closer, squeezing my body on his.

I realise now there is no time limit. He doesn’t need to stop. He doesn’t need to hide. Noone is there to protect me.

I start crying again.

“Oho...”, he says as he wipes away my tears. His other hand keeps me in place.

“I know ... your Dad, your Mom weren’t the person you thought to be ... they left you ... they abandoned you ... they don’t love me ... I know it makes your heart hurt, I understand”, he says.

My heart breaks all over again. I know every word is true. They did leave me. They don’t love me.

“But you know what is the bright side to all of these?...”, he asks seriously.

“You are alive ... and you got someone who always loved you, who loves you and will always love you ... who jumped at the chance to take you in”, he says.

Does uncle really love me? No, he just wants to do bad things that no uncle should.

“You are not mine daughter, but as soon as your father asked me ... I said yes, even though I know how hard it is to raise a kid ... I am ready to provide a roof over your head, feed you, buy your clothes, shoes ... send you to school, buy your school supplies and everything else ... even though I know it’s going be very expensive ... all because I really love you”, he says.

I don’t know if he is telling the truth.

“But listen ... I just learnt a important lesson with your parents ... I don’t think two people who don’t love each other can live with each other ... it will ultimately blow up ... you ... well I have felt some ... hmm ... distance from you ... I don’t know if you love me ... if you don’t love me, then I think it’s better for everyone if I just leave you ... you can stay in this house for two days but then rent is due ... you can live in the street or find a orphanage...”, he says seriously.

Overwhelming fear fills me. I don’t know what I will do. I have no one. I have no money. I don’t know how to earn money. I don’t know where I will stay. I don’t know how I will survive.

“Please”, I beg.

“Just tell me if you love me or you can live by yourself”, he says.

I look at him not knowing what to say. I can’t live by myself but I don’t love him. I don’t remember a time when he didn’t scare me, when he didn’t try to touch me in bad ways.

He pushes me off and then stands.

“Okay fine. Take care of yourself. Obviously you know what happens to girls in the country ... gangrapes and murders ... be careful...”, he says and starts to walk away.

I have never been more scared. I grab his hand.

“Please uncle. Please don’t ... don’t leave me”, I cry in desperation.

“Then tell me, do you love me?”, he asks.

I nod my head.