Chapter 10: Impatience

For the first meal of the October holiday, Jon and Kate moved the tables so we all sat together. Elaine was at one end with Rachel on her left and Jon to her right. I sat opposite her between Ali and Doh, while Jenny sat between my daughter and my ex-wife; Kate was between her brother and Doh. The siblings jumped up and down to serve us.

As was to be expected, the conversation turned to schools and there was a lively discussion about the merits of the different education systems in Scotland compared to England and Wales. Kate did all the talking for herself and Jon, who had reverted to the smiling silence with which he greeted me when I first arrived

It was not until we were eating dessert that we exhausted the topic of schools. Rachel praised the cooking, which made Kate blush with pleasure. There was a substantial exchange of views on the provision of food; I had no idea that the groceries available in London are likely to be fresher than they are in Helensburgh. Raspberries grown in Scotland might well be taken to a distribution depot in the south of England before being sent back to a Scottish supermarket.

Having very little to contribute to the discussions, I was able to watch the participants. Elaine was relaxed but I sensed that she was enjoying the tension evident between Jenny and Rachel, sitting side by side. Ali and Kate had turned slightly in their seats so that each presented her back to the other. Jon said nothing, smiling pleasantly around the table; Doh was clearly conscious of the presence of Kate in the seat next to him but he was making no progress in attracting her attention.

I rose to take some of the dessert plates to the sideboard where I would make the coffee; Jon and Kate followed my lead, standing and taking the remainder of the used plates to the kitchen. I was just congratulating myself on getting through the meal without open warfare breaking out when Rachel made a valedictory address.

“I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say that whatever difficulties you have had in finding the food, you have done a marvellous job in cooking it, Kate my dear.”

Kate flushed and I caught the look of anger that briefly crossed her face. She had been talking on equal terms with the three adult women and ignoring Ali. Now Rachel had patronised her, relegating her to the class of not-quite-woman. I had been irritated by Kate’s snubbing of my daughter so I had brought her into the conversation when I could. Perhaps her mum was weighing in on behalf of her offspring.

“Fergus and Jenny did the job just as well when me and Jon were away for a few days.”

“We had a ball,” Jenny smiled sweetly, looking at me stranded beside the coffee percolator at the sideboard. “Didn’t we, Fergus?”

Ali had just brought the last of the dirty dishes to me and we were standing side by side when that telling shot was fired. I still had no idea why my ex-wife was at the Retreat, but I was certain that she did not want to hear that I had spent time in a cosy tete-a-tete with Jenny. Some people, if they see a pit gaping at their feet, turn back, while others seek a path around the obstacle; I decide that it is probably not that formidable an obstruction, so I try to leap across.

“I’ll tell you what,” I said putting my arm around my daughter, “Ali and I will cook dinner tomorrow.”

She pulled away before turning to confront me:

“Have you gone out of your mind, Dad?”

Two other voices contributed to a sudden discord.

“Really Fergus, she can’t even boil an egg,” from Rachel, and

“Cooking’s my job, Fergus,” from Kate.

“It’ll be a blast, Ali,” I said softly, looking pleadingly at my baby struggling to comprehend a very adult dilemma. It took her a moment, but she eventually smiled and nodded. She admitted later that she only agreed to spite Kate, although her mother’s remark certainly made her decision easier.

The coffee was ready, and I was serving it, feeling rather smug that I had defused Jenny’s attempt to stir the pot, and given myself several hours of uninterrupted time with Ali the following day. I should have known better.

“Good for you, Alison,” Jenny cooed. “You’ll have such fun in the kitchen with your dad.”

She smilingly offered the plate of petit fours to Rachel, declining one herself.

“I’ll tell you what,” she was inspired to add, apparently just having thought of it. “Let’s you and me do the cooking on Wednesday. It’ll be a giggle.”

While Ali and I had been busying ourselves serving the coffee, Jon and his sister had made their way to the end of the room preparing to give us a musical treat. I was just thinking that it would not be long before the savage breasts were soothed when Rachel made a winning intervention.

“I’d best cook on Thursday then,” she drawled. “It will give me the chance to correct the mistakes my daughter will have picked up from you two.”

Just then, Kate presented the offering of his guitar to her brother and a truce was immediately imposed by the sheer quality of his musicianship. I was probably the last to cool down since I was angry with all the women present. Elaine had, I felt, gently nudged the rivalry between Jenny and Rachel, perhaps because she felt superior for having left in her past the emotional turmoil being felt by the younger women.

Even Ali did not entirely escape my rage although I knew in my heart that it was unreasonable to expect her to be more mature. I was disgusted with Kate for trying to ingratiate herself with the older women, leaving an insecure seventeen-year-old to cope on her own. I accept that my daughter has had a much easier life but surely it is not asking too much for a twenty-year-old to remember what it was like to be a teenager?

Most of my rage was reserved for Rachel and Jenny. I am still not convinced that either of them has any long-term interest in me, but it has been glaringly obvious that they are competing for my attention as the only man within reach of their wiles. If they had been the last two women on earth, I think I would have decided at that moment to become a monk.

It was the other two male members of the party who restored my equanimity. Jon worked his usual magic as soon as his hands drew the first chords from his guitar, but it was the effect on Doh that made me take notice. Perhaps when you heard of three schoolboys bashing out music in a garage you thought, as I did, that it was a passing fancy; worse still, I suspected that there was not an ounce of real talent in Doh, Ray and Me combined.

My son’s mouth dropped open when Jon began to play, and his eyes were glued to the dancing fingers of the older youth. I still had no idea how well or badly Doh could play but there was no possible doubt that he appreciated what he was hearing. Jon was playing, as he always did, with his eyes on his hands except for an occasional glance at his sister but he soon showed that he was aware of his audience.

After about the third song, he looked up at Doh and beckoned him to come closer. As if mesmerised, my son walked forward, face bright red, to talk quietly to Jon, still softly strumming. Kate left the room while Jon played a piece of classical flamenco music, clearly talking throughout to Doh whose head was almost touching the strings to watch the fingering. Kate returned carrying a second guitar which she held in her hand until Jon had finished playing. At that point she stepped forward with the guitar held in both hands and presented to Doh as an offering, just as she does to her brother.

After a few chords played by Jon and repeated by his pupil, Kate returned to her place beside the piano, Jon tapped his instrument to give the beat and Doh began playing chords while Kate sang ‘you’re so vain’. The rest of the concert was for the audience but that first number was wholly for the three young musicians, a reminder that music is a demanding and imperious mistress.

The rest of us were excluded as they acknowledged the bond amongst them. Of course, Doh knew far less than the other two and had a great deal to learn but he was admitted as a full member of an exclusive club. He is still a long way from manhood, but I watched my son take a massive stride towards the future; managing his group no longer seemed a foolish idea but became a practical proposition.

The three of them played together for another hour before Jon came across to where we were sitting to give Jenny a preview of some of the themes he intended to use at her exhibition. Kate collected the coffee cups and Doh moved forward to help. I followed them into the kitchen.

“Isn’t he great?” Kate asked me, giving Doh a brilliant smile.

“He certainly is. There’s something I wasn’t going to say until later, but this somehow seems the right time.”

They grinned at each other.

“Is that a new language you’re learning Dad? I didn’t understand a word. Did you, Kate?”

So, I stopped beating about the bush and told him that I was going into the music business as a manager and I wanted his group to join Jon and Kate in my stable of artists. It took both of us to convince him that I was serious. He needed to tell his mum, phone Ray and Michael, thank me, and tell Jon what an inspiration he is. The problem is that he tried to do everything at the same time. Ali tried to help him by calling Ray on her phone but that meant that he was trying to conduct two phone calls at once while explaining himself to Rachel.

That first day of the half-term holiday ended on a conspicuously high note, way above high ‘C’. Doh was happy to wait for details of the contract I would offer until I visited London around the end of November; I was rather less certain than he was that the other parents would be wholly content. He spent every moment he could with Jon, and I hardly saw him until I drove him to the airport at the end of the week. My emotions were very mixed: on the one hand I was delighted that he should have found something that mattered to him so early in life, but on the other hand, I felt bereft that my only son was lost to me. I was quite jealous of Jon who had become the lodestone guiding my baby’s steps.

It was every bit as wet on the Tuesday as it had been the day before. The wind had picked up during the night and continued to increase throughout the day. What had been vertical rain became closer and closer to the horizontal. Ali and Doh arrived at a run shortly before nine but it was almost ten before their mother put in an appearance; Elaine and Jenny were even later arriving for breakfast.

Doh tagged after Jon all day. He probably did not actually go into the lavatory with him, but I will bet he talked through the door while he was in there. The three older ladies opted for coffee and toast for breakfast and gladly followed Elaine across the hall into the bar where Kate remained to serve them sherry. Ali and I trailed after them until my daughter suggested that I should show her the kitchen so she could prepare herself for the ordeal of cooking.

I was nothing loth, since the women seemed to have tacitly agreed on a solidarity day when men were to be ignored or reviled. Since I was the only man available, they were making it plain that my presence was de trop.

“They make me mad!” Ali hissed, as we took our seats at the preparation table in the deserted kitchen. “It would serve them right if you ran away with someone else.”

Always reliably crass at times like this, I suggested that they were bored because the weather was so bad.

“You’re as bad as they are, daddy. Why don’t you put them out their misery by picking one and telling the others to back off?”

“Hang on a minute! The plan was to sort out your problems, sweetheart, not for you to cause me even more.”

“Ha-ha! What do you think you know about my problems? You left me to be raised by that cretin Bill and, just when I think I’ll finally be able to get you to myself, you sell the business, and I’m left high and dry again.”

“Wow, it seems you’re right: I know nothing of your problems. If I promise to pay attention, will you fill me in; I’m a good listener and I do truly love you.”

“Oh God! Stop being so bloody nice, daddy! I want to be angry with everyone but you’re making me want to cry.”

We were sitting side by side and I leaned towards her as she spoke; she leant over in her turn so our shoulders were pressed against each other, and I was shocked to notice that there was less than an inch difference in our heights. She held the position and gave a great sigh.

“Aren’t you supposed to be willing to stop a bullet aimed at me?” Ali enquired.

“That’s the easy bit actually. The trick is to let you take the lighter blows, so you learn how to survive as an adult. Perhaps I expected you to do too much too soon,”

“You did Ok by Doh, so I suppose I should give you a chance on my sorry case.”

I was preparing to hear a harrowing tale when Kate bustled in, excused herself and set about heating soup and cutting sandwiches for lunch. She reported that the other women were punishing the gallon bottle of sherry she had bought after Elaine’s last drunken spree with Phil. Ali had gone very quiet, but Kate mentioned how much she missed the opportunity to see new movies when they were released.

Ali told her about the film she had seen with her friends and that led to her describing my part in the proceedings. The two young women began comparing their experiences in pulling the wool over the eyes of unsuspecting male relatives. Within minutes, Ali was on her feet working alongside Kate in preparing the food. I could not honestly say that they ended up friends but there was a definite thaw by the time we carried the loaded trays through to the bar. I took a tray for three up to Jon’s room where Doh was ensconced with the borrowed guitar in his willing hands.

I took the empty plates downstairs, collecting the other plates and my daughter in my passage through the bar. By this time the atmosphere had eased somewhat and there was a half-hearted attempt to engage me in conversation, but the offer of a post-prandial sherry soon diverted their attention.

“Right then,” I began, seizing the initiative as soon as the kitchen door closed behind us. “As you saw with your brother, I’m still pretty good when it comes to specifics. I might fall down when it comes to feelings and that sort of stuff, but I’ll do my best, daughter dearest.”

“Fair enough,” she laughed. “You solve my practical difficulties and I’ll be your agony aunt. You certainly need it with four predatory women in the next room.”

“Surely you’re not including Elaine?”

“Don’t be too sure. I think she sees herself as the shoulder you’ll want to cry on when the others chuck you.”

I was astonished at this strange mixture of maturity with naivety. So far as I could judge, she was right in identifying the heightened emotions in the next room although it was clearly a gross simplification to suggest that I was the cause. At seventeen everything is love or hate, life or death but the women have complex lives already, without risking the complication of developing feelings for me. For the moment at least, I will interpret Ali’s opinion as indicating that all four of the ladies like me.

“I don’t like Kate,” Ali mumbled, talking to her hands clasped in front of her.

We were sitting shoulder to shoulder again, leaning towards each other. I could hear the rumble of voices from the bar, so I beckoned my daughter to the other end of the kitchen where we stood, side by side looking out at the teeming rain.

“I suppose you think it’s childish, but I just don’t like her.”

“If it’s childish, then I’m as bad as you are. I don’t like about half the people I meet. The trick is to stop them suspecting your true feelings.”

She looked at me for clarification, so I told her that I put my opinion to the back of my mind and concentrated on some aspect of the person I could tolerate.

“Easy for you to say, but all I can think of is the things I don’t like about them.”

“You’re doing yourself an injustice,” I told her, putting my arm round her shoulders. “When Kate was in here preparing lunch, you found a subject that was neutral territory for both of you.”

“We talked about a silly movie, dad! I’m talking about finding some serious topic and I don’t think I could do it.”

“I think the trouble is that you want to set the agenda. Jon, Kate and Doh really care about music but you can take it or leave it. It wouldn’t hurt to tell Kate she has a great voice; it will please her, and it won’t harm you.”

I suggested that we should make a start on preparing vegetables for the evening meal, which gave Ali time to reflect on what I had said. I was pleasantly anticipating a bit of praise for my wisdom when she hit me on my blind side.