Chapter 6: A Clash of Confidence

The alarm pierces through my dreams, dragging me from a restless sleep. I hit the snooze button; my mind was already tangled in a web of anxiety about the first day of high school. The thought of being seen as the younger sister of someone like Eliana—the exchange student who seems incapable of covering herself—makes my stomach churn. I can’t shake the image of being forever associated with her audacious confidence, which feels terrifyingly impossible to live up to.

It’s here. The day I’ve been dreading has arrived, and it feels like I’m being shoved into a spotlight I never asked for. The weight of everyone’s eyes feels palpable, judging me as the sibling of someone who seems so effortlessly comfortable in her skin.

I drag myself out of bed, trying to push through the fear and uncertainty. If I can just make it through this morning, maybe things will settle down. But as I approach the bathroom door, I hear the unmistakable sound of running water. Of course, Eliana managed to get up before me, and now I’m left standing outside, already feeling like an afterthought in my own home.

I take a deep breath and push the door open just enough to peek inside. The steam escapes from the bathroom, and there’s Eliana, naked in the shower, her body glistening under the water. My face flushes red instantly. She stands there as if being completely exposed is the most natural thing in the world.

I should turn around, but my feet feel glued to the floor. Her confidence, and her complete lack of self-consciousness, only magnify my insecurities. I can’t help but feel like a shadow beside her radiant self-assurance.

“Morning, Sophia,” she calls out casually, her voice warm but completely unfazed by her state of undress.

“Uh, morning,” I manage to stammer, my throat tight with embarrassment. I start to back away, but her casual confidence feels almost mocking. Mom’s words about body confidence and being like her or Madie echo in my head. But here I am, feeling utterly inadequate, wrapped in my anxiety.

“Want to join me?” Eliana asks with a playful lilt in her voice. “There’s plenty of room.”

The offer is absurd. I can’t even imagine being so exposed. “No, I’ll ... I’ll wait,” I say quickly, retreating as fast as I can. I can’t even begin to deal with sharing such a personal space.

I lean against the hallway wall, trying to calm the frantic beating of my heart. Eliana’s boldness feels like a spotlight on my insecurities. I’m supposed to be confident like she and Maddie always said, but right now, I feel anything but. I’m wrapped in a simple nightgown, trying to hide behind its fabric while Eliana is out there, practically daring everyone to look.

When Eliana finally steps out of the bathroom, she’s holding a towel that barely dries off the water dripping from her skin. She walks down the hallway with an ease that only makes me more aware of my discomfort. The contrast between her confidence and my anxiety feels like a chasm I can’t cross.

I scramble into the bathroom, locking the door behind me as if it might shield me from the overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I glance at my reflection in the mirror. My gown feels like a fortress, but it only makes me feel more exposed and vulnerable.

Mom’s advice about confidence rings hollow now. “Be confident in yourself.” How can I be confident when I’m overshadowed by someone who seems so effortlessly at ease? Knowing that my sister around the world is now as confident in her body as Elaina is mortifying, I wish I could channel even a fraction of their boldness, but all I feel is a gnawing self-doubt.

As I dressed in the closed bathroom, my patterned dress felt like a cage, wrapping me in its fabric but doing little to hide my anxiety. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to be judged, not just for who I am, but for being linked to someone so unapologetically different. What if some of them want me to be like her or attempt to force me into the mold Mom suggested? The thought is mortifying to the highest degree.

Eliana is waiting for me when I finally emerge. She’s dressed in the outfit she was born in—just her skin—exuding a confidence I can only envy. Her presence makes my nervousness feel even more acute.

“Ready?” she asks, her smile radiating self-assurance.

I nod my voice barely a whisper. “Yeah, I’m ready,” glancing at the wall mirror and seeing myself in that purple dress, white socks, and plum shoes, while she glows in her natural skin.

We head outside, the crisp morning air doing nothing to ease my nerves. As we walk toward the bus stop, I can already feel the eyes on us and see several of them whispering my heart races, my thoughts a whirlwind of fear and self-doubt.

‘What will they think of us?’ I wonder, feeling like I’m being dragged into a situation I can’t control. With Eliana by my side, it feels like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff, about to face a day filled with judgment and scrutiny.

The bus stop came into view, and I braced myself for the inevitable. Eliana walks confidently behind me, and I can’t escape the feeling that I’m the shadow of someone who stands in the spotlight. The day stretches ahead, and I’m filled with dread, wondering how I’ll ever manage to fit in with everything already feeling so out of place.