Chapter 32

Learning that Amara and Vee were stuck in Purgatory was both good news and bad news. Knowing where they were was helpful information, and it enabled Tessa to start throwing together a rescue plan. Unfortunately, of all the places to be stranded, Purgatory was one of the worst.

Tessa had spent quite a bit of time explaining this to Nick yesterday. Purgatory wasn’t just a place for ghosts and restless souls, it was a place of pure entropy. While most other planes were dangerous, many were made so only by the creatures that inhabited them. Purgatory, on the other hand, was inherently hostile to living creatures, regardless of other external threats. While there was no way to know how Purgatory would affect Amara and Vee’s supernatural bodies, there was no doubt this rescue mission had a timer attached to it.

At the moment, Tessa was sitting on her bed with a pile of notes scattered around her. Nick was on the floor, nervously shaking his leg, and occasionally asking questions or pitching ideas of his own. Tessa, for the most part, had been ignoring him.

“Can you at least tell me what our options are? I hate just sitting around doing nothing,” Nick complained.

“Isn’t that what you’ve always done? Let Amara do all the hard stuff while you just, I dunno, get a bunch of free sex?” Tessa said, not bothering to look up from her notes.

“I’ve always found ways to help! I was able to research Mr. Wellington, I threw together a schedule for everyone in the cult, stuff like that. Plus, early on, I was doing everything in my power to keep Amara from freaking out about her transformation.”

“And I’m glad you did! But, right now, the only way forward is to figure out a way to get them back. Now that we know they’re in Purgatory, the best shot we have is to reconfigure the Lysander Circle. It was originally crafted to keep Purgatory out, but the cult weakened it. Since the circle is already intimately tied to the plane, I should be able to rework its magic to create a bridge, but like I’ve said before, this is old and powerful magic. I need time to figure it out.”

“If the school is a giant soft spot, doesn’t that mean Purgatory is already overlapping with us?” Nick asked.

“I mean, yes, but it’s not that simple. If we weren’t on a soft spot, building a bridge would be impossible for me; I simply don’t have the skills. Thankfully, we have the soft spot, and we have an existing circle that’s already been calibrated for Purgatory. I also revisited the Ritual Circle earlier today; in a strange twist of fate, it’s proving quite useful right now. I was able to study how they repurposed the existing circle to make a portal, and I think I can do the same with the Lysander Circle.”

“But do you need, I don’t know, reagents? Materials?”

“Nick, when have you ever seen me use something like that? I’m not just smooshing together some eye of newt and asking very nicely to see Amara again. That’s not really how magic works unless your power comes from a Fae, or something similar. Most of the time, magic is just math, but it’s the boring kind of math where there’s more letters than numbers.”

Nick, who had previously been leaning against the wall, pivoted and laid down on the floor instead. “Ugh, okay, fine.”

Tessa shuffled more of her notes around, jotted down a few ideas, then sighed. It felt like she was hitting a mental block, there were obstacles in her way that just didn’t make sense. The notes from the Ritual Portal were helpful, but it was hard to know which runes were for Hell, and which ones were for building the bridge. When they’d been going up against the cult, this would be the point where she would mount Amara’s tail to take a break and shake things loose, and she could already feel a familiar tingle between her legs as she recalled how good Amara felt inside her.

Maybe it’s time for another attempt. At the end of the day, he’s still a guy, right? I’ve just got to figure out what he wants.

Setting down her pencil, Tessa slid to the floor until she was next to Nick. “Actually, you know what? There is something I could use your help with. I have trouble thinking when I’m distracted, and I’ve got an itch that won’t shut up.” As she talked, she pushed her hands on Nick’s chest, then straddled him. She pushed her ass against his crotch, briefly grinding against him in hopes of exciting him.

When she’d started speaking, Nick seemed genuinely interested in helping out, but as he figured out what she meant, he changed his tune. “I, um ... look, Tess, I appreciate the offer, but I really don’t think—”

“Oh, come on,” Tessa groaned, “don’t give me that shit! You were fucking Amara like, every day for months, no matter what crazy shit she got up to. Why is that different?”

“She’s a succubus, Tess! If she’s not having sex, her body shuts down, it’s literally a matter of life and death for her!”

Tessa crawled off Nick, huffing as she finally vented her frustration. “I don’t believe that, Nick. At that party, when Amara threw herself at you, no one knew she was a succubus! You didn’t hesitate to take her to pound town then, so what’s the difference? Are you secretly in love with her? Do you not like chicks with short hair?”

Sitting up, Nick shifted further away from Tessa. “It’s nothing like that; Amara and I are just friends, and I want it to stay that way. And you’re very attractive, Tess, I promise.”

“Then what is it?” Tessa sat down on the floor, leaning up against her bed before looking at Nick again.

Nick sighed. “Look, I don’t like talking about it, but I don’t really feel arousal unless there’s a connection. With Amara, we’d been best friends for years, so we already had that bond.”

“Wait, you’re demi?” Tessa asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. And, despite all the time we’ve spent together, I feel like I don’t know anything about you. Do you have family? Why are you going to college? How do you feel about your magic? Why are you a witch? Every time I ask, you dodge my questions.”

Tessa paused, surprised by Nick’s confession. She’d always assumed he had hooked up with Amara because he was just another horny guy, secretly desperate to fuck his best friend. With this new information, everything suddenly made sense.

“You seriously don’t have feelings for her? I thought demi people needed romantic entanglement before they wanted to do anything.”

“I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m more than happy to be friends with benefits. I know everything about Amara, I know her hopes and dreams, I know what she’s afraid of, I know her feelings about her family. I love her to death, but as a friend, and that’s still enough to feel a sexual attraction.”

Silence filled the room, as Tessa had no idea what else to say. Sex was many things to her, but never a way to connect with someone emotionally. Sex was a way to blow off steam, a way to convince lovestruck idiots to do her homework. It was a Swiss army knife that she’d used hundreds of times to take control of her life in a hundred different ways. Now, faced with Nick’s unique approach to sex, Tessa had no choice but to dwell on an uncomfortable truth; sex was a way to prevent people from getting too close.

She hated thinking about it, even though she’d always known it was true. In the past, people had tried to get close to her, and she had learned that a quick fuck often enabled her to skip conversations about her past or her feelings. Men were particularly vulnerable to this; their desire to learn about your future aspirations often vanished when your tits came out.

So, what now? I either accept that Nick and I are never going to hook up, or I give him what he wants. Of course, the biggest reason to keep people away doesn’t apply here; he already knows about the world of magic, and he’s already balls deep in it.

“My parents were witches,” Tessa said quietly.

Nick looked up, surprise on his face, but stayed quiet. Did he want her to continue talking? The silence bothered her, especially after sharing something she’d never told anyone before.

“They were in a coven, and they had the same job as every other witch; keep magic a secret,” she continued.

“Is magic really that big a deal?” Nick asked.

“Power corrupts, Nick, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. But that can happen in a million different ways.”

Nick’s voice was quiet, matching Tessa’s. He seemed to be picking his words carefully, and he talked as if walking on eggshells. “Amara once told me that you think magic is a curse. Is that true?”

Tessa sighed. “It feels like one. When someone finds out about magic and winds up dead, it’s tragic, but not surprising. I mean, look at Amara; she finds out she’s a demon, and within two months, multiple people have tried to enslave her, Vee almost killed her, and she had to fight off a demonic cult. It’s a miracle she’s not dead.”

“So, what do you do? As a witch, I mean. How do you keep magic a secret?”

“We do all sorts of stuff. Sometimes it sounds heroic, like fighting off werewolves or vampires to keep humans from finding out about them. Frequently it’s boring stuff, like making sure libraries or occult shops don’t stumble into real magic.”

“What about you?”

“Well, I didn’t come here for an education, for one thing. I was assigned to Aurelius University by my Coven. I have a feeling they did it so I could keep an eye on the soft spot and the Gate, but they never actually told me anything. They, uh ... they don’t like me very much.”

There was another pause, and Tessa looked up at Nick. She’d seen him make this face before, and she had a feeling he was cycling through countless different questions to find the one he felt needed to be asked.

“So where are your parents? Are they assigned anywhere?”

Fuck. Why does he ask the worst possible questions?

“My parents are dead,” Tessa whispered. “They were killed when I was little, right in front of my eyes. That’s what I mean when I say this world is a curse; you don’t get a happy ending once you learn magic is real. It’s only a matter of time before some unknowable tragedy wipes you off the face of the planet.”

Tessa shut her eyes, squeezing them as hard as she could as she tried to fight off the horrible memories of that night. More than anything, she desperately wanted Nick to stop asking questions.

To her surprise, Nick stood up and walked closer. He kneeled next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder and gently hugging her. “I’m sorry to hear that. For what it’s worth, you’ve got me and Amara on your side. And maybe Vee, someday. You’re not alone in this anymore, Tess.”

As much as she tried to fight it, Tessa felt herself tearing up. “Look, I should get back to work. Can you, I dunno, go get us some burgers or something?”

Nick pulled away, keeping a hand on her shoulder as he tried to look into her eyes. “Absolutely. The usual?”

Tessa nodded. At this point, she just wanted Nick to leave, and figured he would only do so if he had a chance to feel helpful. She awkwardly sat on the floor as she watched him leave, but didn’t bother returning to her work once she was alone. A cloud of unpleasantness surrounded her, reminders of why it felt better to avoid these types of conversations. Knowing Nick, he was going to keep being nice, politely trying to learn more about her while offering emotional support, and she struggled to think of any reasons why she shouldn’t oblige him.

Vee didn’t necessarily wake up that morning; it felt more like admitting defeat. She’d spent a good portion of the night trying and failing to get comfortable, tossing and turning while trying to warm herself up. Despite the many blankets she’d piled on herself, despite the powerful Enochian wards, the cold had still found her.

She pushed her blankets to the side, swinging her legs gently to the floor. As she prepared to start her morning stretches, hoping some activity might warm her up, she flinched. Her feet bumped against something on the floor, something noticeably warm compared to its surroundings. Vee looked down quickly and saw that she’d barely avoided stepping on Amara’s tail. Her foot was resting less than an inch away from it, and the heat it gave off felt incredible.

Memories from yesterday returned, accompanied by a wave of emotions. She hadn’t intended to start a shouting match; she had just been fed up with Amara’s bad attitude. Apparently her frustration had just been a spark, and it ignited everything that had gone unsaid between the two of them.

She already knew quite a bit about Amara’s transformation from her conversation with Nick, but he hadn’t been able to capture the most important part: the fear. Even though Amara never admitted it, Vee could tell how afraid the transformation had made her, and it was easy to see why. Amara didn’t have a worldwide institution dedicated to helping her adjust to her supernatural lineage, nor did she have a supportive family to help break the news to her. She’d simply grown a tail out of the blue, with no idea that magic and monsters even existed.

Amara’s story had been incredibly insightful, and Vee had regretted that the conversation hadn’t continued longer, but there was so much to process. While the cold of Purgatory was certainly a big issue, she also knew that her tumultuous thoughts had contributed to her lack of sleep.

One thought, more than anything else, had become a point of fixation for her. Amara’s transformation had terrified her, upended her entire view of the world. In the face of all that uncertainty, however, she had tried to give herself one night of happiness. A chance to embrace her new identity, even if she didn’t fully understand what exactly she was.

And Vee had tried to murder her.

It was, perhaps, the one thought that Vee had been trying to avoid for weeks. Sure, everything she’d told Amara was true; she was scared of disobeying the Church, of discovering that their teachings were wrong. She was scared of learning that her own existence was built on a lie, but that fear didn’t seem as important right now. Above all else, hiding underneath every other fear, was one simple truth; accepting that Amara was different meant accepting that she’d tried to murder her best friend in cold blood without reason.

Of the two of them, who was really the monster?

Amara seemed convinced it was her, but hadn’t the entire world been telling her that for months? Hadn’t Vee basically told her that by driving a sword through her chest?

It was one thing to see hints, clues that Amara had felt bad. Yes, she’d cleaned up the palace, raised money for charity with her pictures, but there had always been distance between them. In person, faced with the entirety of Amara’s experience, Vee had felt just how visceral Amara’s guilt was. It was tearing her apart, it was driving her to lash out, and it was even robbing her of her flight.

Vee didn’t need any more proof. There would be no more second guessing, no more hesitation. Amara was a demon, yes, but she was so much more than that. She was a friend, and most surprisingly, a kindred spirit.

She didn’t feel alone anymore.

Wiping a tear from her eye, Vee carefully stepped over Amara’s various limbs and headed for the door. She opened it carefully, not sure if the rest of her apartment was safe, but thankfully the outer wards still seemed partially intact. Her kitchen and living room still had some color to them, but the difference in temperature was incredibly obvious.

It’s a good thing Amara stayed with me. I know she can’t feel the cold, but would the entropy affect her anyways?

Deciding it was pointless to guess about how extraplanar forces might interact with demonic physiology, she instead got herself some breakfast. She salvaged the last of the food that seemed good from the fridge, made two small meals, and walked back to her bedroom.

She wrapped herself in blankets, sat on the bed, and slowly ate as she waited for Amara to wake up. Thankfully, she wasn’t waiting too long. She’d only just gotten comfortable when the blankets on the floor began to stir.

Amara groaned, her various limbs twitching and stretching as she woke up. When she finally sat up, the covers tumbling off her, she looked at Vee. “Oh, uh, morning,” she said, her voice thick with sleep.

“Morning, Amara. How’d you sleep?” Vee asked.

“Um, fine, I guess. Nothing against your floor, I think it’s just the stress of being here.” After a quick pause, Amara quickly clarified. “I mean Purgatory! Not your room.”

Vee laughed quietly. “You’re fine, I get it. I made you breakfast, by the way.” She pointed at the second meal she’d thrown together, hoping it would be up to Amara’s standards. From what she could gather, Amara’s ability to summon fire had inspired her to take up cooking.

Amara quickly crawled over to Vee’s nightstand, then grabbed her breakfast and started eating. As she crawled back to her spot, Vee’s gaze accidentally lingered on Amara’s pajama shorts; they were sitting higher than usual, perhaps because of how she’d been sleeping, and even more of her body was visible. Specifically, Vee noticed how pronounced the curves on Amara’s hips were, and how much the shorts struggled to contain her—

Wait, what am I thinking?

Vee shook her head, quickly staring back down at her breakfast. She let Amara settle in, not entirely sure what to say. She wanted to say something, to break the tension after everything they’d talked about yesterday, but she also didn’t want to push Amara too hard. Did Amara want time to think as well? The more Vee thought about it, the more she realized that Amara had shared more about herself than Vee had; maybe that was a good place to start.

“Y’know, I’m not a very good angel,” Vee said quietly.

Amara was in the middle of a bite, and Vee’s comment clearly caught her off guard. She quickly swallowed, then spoke up. “Hey, I know I said some pretty rude things when we were sparring with each other, but you know I didn’t mean them, right?”

Vee shook her head. “That’s not what I mean. I’m being quite literal; compared to other angels, I’m objectively much weaker than most of them.”

“Oh, um ... do you guys, like, hang out and practice with each other or something?” Amara asked. She seemed nervous, like she was unsure what to say.

“Nothing like that, mostly because there aren’t many of us. I mean, there’s a fair amount, but the world is a big place, and we’re stationed all over. No, when I was training, they would tell me about all the other angels, about what they were capable of, and I never measured up.”

“That sounds pretty rude, to compare you to everyone else like that,” Amara said quietly.

“It’s not about being nice or rude, the Church looks at the Earth like it’s a warzone. They tell us that demons are constantly trying to invade, and it’s up to us to keep humanity safe from them.”

Amara paused briefly, then replied with a smirk. “I keep getting emails about our master plan to steal all the gold from Fort Knox, but I keep ignoring them.” Vee looked up, meeting Amara’s gaze, and she saw hesitation. It seemed like Amara wasn’t entirely sure if the joke was appropriate, but Vee broke out laughing almost immediately.

“Oh shoot, I should let them know. They think you’re trying to invent a new type of rap music.” Both girls were laughing now, and it took a minute before they settled down enough for Vee to continue talking. “No, but seriously, I’m not trying to rattle off about Church politics. I just wanted to let you know that, well, there’s a lot of things I’m supposed to be able to do that I simply can’t. The biggest one, the one I cared the most about, was manifesting my wings.”

A look of surprise crossed Amara’s face. “Oh, I didn’t know that. I’ve wondered, once or twice, but it never felt right to ask.”

“We’re supposed to have big, beautiful, feathered wings. Probably as big as yours, honestly, but I just can’t do it. One reason I rely so much on my book is because my magic is weaker. That’s also why I used lots of holy water and similar things when I ... well, during our fight.”

“You can talk about it, you know. It’s not like I’m constantly on the verge of breaking down from the memories.”

“It’s not that, I just ... I wanted to let you know that I can’t fly either. I don’t even know what my wings look like. I hope it’s okay to say this, but I understand how badly you want to fly. I know what it’s like to feel like you should be able to, but there’s something holding you back.”

Amara didn’t say anything, instead pulling her wings close and looking at them.

Shit, should I not have said that? After all, it’s kinda my fault she can’t fly. Ugh, that was so stupid!

When Amara finally spoke up, her voice took on a melancholic tone. “It’s funny how much we have in common, isn’t it?”

“It really is. But, if I’m being honest, it’s nice to finally have someone I can talk to about everything.”

After briefly looking at each other again, the conversation paused. Vee finished her breakfast quickly, but when she put her bowl down, she noticed that Amara still had most of her food left. Vee thought about apologizing, her gut reaction that she’d given Amara something she didn’t like, when she remembered something Amara had said earlier.

“Food loses its flavor, I stop sleeping, and I grow weaker and weaker with each passing moment.”

If Vee’s memory was correct, today was their fourth day trapped in Purgatory. Earlier in the week, Amara had said the longest she’d ever gone without sex was a week, but that she’d also been somewhat sedentary that week. Here in Purgatory, they’d already fought two reapers, or maybe the same reaper twice. Plus, even if she couldn’t feel the cold, Vee was scared that being here might be draining Amara in ways she wasn’t aware of.

If we don’t find a way home soon, we’ll be finding out the hard way what happens when you starve a succubus.

“Hey, we got pretty distracted yesterday. How about today we take another look around campus, see if we can learn more about the reapers or find any other clues about how to get home?”

Amara quickly put her food down and jumped to her feet. “Sounds good to me. Make sure you bundle up.”

Soon enough, the girls were leaving the apartment and wandering back towards campus. Everything looked exactly the same, as it always did, the monotony growing more and more frustrating.

“So, yesterday,” Vee said, “that reaper attacked us closer to the Quad, right?”

“Yeah, I think we had just passed Lysander when we, um, started talking,” Amara said.

“You mean screaming our heads off at each other?”

“Screaming is a form of talking! And besides, I think I was doing more screaming than you were.”

“Yeah, but I started it. Plus, you have a lot to be angry about, you’ve basically been fighting the entire world ever since you started demon puberty.” Vee took the lead, gesturing for Amara to follow as they started circling campus, trying to avoid the Quad.

“Well, I hate to sound like I’m complaining, but it does kinda feel like that. First Brandon tried to enslave me, then Derek attacked me, then—”

“Hold on, what?” Vee said, interrupting Amara. “Derek attacked you?”

“Oh, yeah, did I not mention that part?” Vee shook her head, so Amara continued. “Yeah, I had a day where I had accidentally shapeshifted into you. I was trying to help Tessa research some circles, and on my way home in the morning, I ran into Derek. He was drunk off his ass, obviously thought I was you, and tried to force himself on me.”

“Wait. Were you at the Science Building that night?” Vee asked. She could practically feel the puzzle pieces clicking together. “In a small room behind a bunch of old plumbing?”