Chapter 29

Chloé grumbled as she reluctantly opened her eyes. Her alarm wasn’t set to go off for another forty minutes, but a loud conversation and a series of noises from the kitchen had woken her up. Her roommate, Kendra, was probably on the phone again while making breakfast. With ample knowledge that it was impossible to sleep through her roommate’s gossip, Chloé got out of bed.

Before braving whatever mess was likely in the kitchen, Chloé made her way to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair back into a ponytail, and applied some basic eyeliner. Heavy amounts of makeup didn’t flatter her, and she was happy she never had to spend more than five minutes on it. After putting her eyeliner back in her drawer, the only one of five that didn’t belong to Kendra, she pulled out everything she needed for her weekly hormone shot.

Syringe, needles, disinfecting wipes, and a bandage, all the usual fare. Always incredibly paranoid about air bubbles, she moved slowly and carefully as she prepared 0.25 mL of estrogen.

“Alright Chloé, last week you used your right thigh, so this week we’re using the left. It’s just a small pinch, you’ve done this dozens of times, it’s going to be fine,” Chloé whispered. She pushed the needle in, wincing a little, then finished the injection and sighed with relief. After tossing everything in the garbage, and carefully dropping the needles in her sharps container, she finally walked towards the kitchen.

“—so I told her ‘In that dress? Seriously?’ and you should have seen her face! Oh, morning Chloé, could you clean this up for me?” Kendra had just finished making herself bacon and eggs, and was now gesturing to a pile of dirty pans behind her.

“Um, I really think you should—”

“Great! Thanks!” Kendra said, clearly not listening. She ran off to her bedroom, resuming her phone conversation without batting an eye.

Chloé sighed. She knew there was no point in trying to argue, and started moving pans into the sink to scrub them clean. As the sink filled with soapy water, she began thinking about everything she needed to do today. She had one final in the morning, and then she could meet up with everyone for lunch. There was only one final after that, for her accounting class, which meant she had a chance to talk with Sam.

Sam was the cutest guy on campus. He had dark brown hair that Chloé desperately wanted to run her hands through, hopefully after they’d finished inspecting his muscular chest. Sam was on the school’s lacrosse team, but he was so much sweeter than all the other athletes.

At first, other than a casual attraction, Chloé hadn’t known much about him. She learned early on that he played video games, but whenever he talked with his friends, they were focused on generic shooter games that Chloé didn’t care for. A few months back, she’d been paired up with Sam for a class project and had learned that he actually played all sorts of games. He was a huge fan of the Dark Souls series, and Chloé had talked him into trying Bloodborne, which he’d ended up loving.

They talked fairly frequently, normally before and after class, but she hadn’t yet mustered the strength to ask him out. She had no idea if he was interested in her that way, and even if he were, she hadn’t told him she was transgender. What if that changed things?

“C’mon Chloé, you don’t know until you ask. Remember everything Amara has told you! I just have to put myself out there, and even if he says no, I still get the benefit of not having to stress over every last detail. Besides, college is nothing like my hometown, he’s not going to turn into an asshole just because I tell him I’m trans. Everyone I’ve told has been so nice!”

Eventually, she finished cleaning up the kitchen. Tired from all the scrubbing, she opted to not dirty anymore pans, and instead poured herself a bowl of cereal before returning to her room. She set her breakfast on her desk, then fell backwards into her bed as she groaned.

“Ugh, Paige, why is it so hard to ask someone out?” Chloé looked over at her pile of stuffed animals, making eye contact with one in particular; a ram with soft gray fur and two curled horns.

“You’ll help me practice, right?” Paige said nothing, predictably, but Chloé continued talking anyways. “Okay, pretend you’re Sam, you’re in my class, we’ve just finished the test and I have nothing to do all afternoon. I’m just going to say ‘Hey Sam, class was a lot of fun this semester! I really like talking with you, and I’d love to spend more time with you. Would you be interested in getting dinner with me tonight?’”

Paige stayed silent, her beady eyes staring back at Chloé, who eventually groaned in frustration before burying her head in a pillow.

She eventually pulled herself free, then moved to her desk to turn her computer on. She ate breakfast while catching up on last night’s VOD from her favorite Twitch streamer, though her thoughts refused to focus on anything but Sam.

Soon enough, her alarm went off, and it was time to prepare for class. She threw her pajamas in her closet, replacing them with comfortable jeans and a green, short sleeve tee. Next, she threw on her long blue peacoat, knowing she’d need it to make it to class without freezing to death. As happy as her transition had made her, it certainly made it harder to deal with colder temperatures.

Chloé walked quickly to her class; she wanted to escape the autumn chill as fast as she could. She wasn’t entirely looking forward to her first final, but at least she shared this class with Vee. The two were always early, and normally had plenty of time to talk before class started. When Chloé arrived in class, however, Vee was nowhere to be seen.

Weird, Vee always gets here early.

Chloé checked the hallway one last time, then texted Vee to ask if everything was okay. Sadly, by the time the teacher started handing out the tests, Chloé still hadn’t heard anything. Her mood deflated somewhat by the absence of her friend, the test gave her more trouble than it probably would have otherwise. She had only barely finished the last essay question when the professor called for everyone to set their pencils down.

She sighed with relief, glad she at least managed to finish the test despite her distracted thoughts. Getting to the front of the classroom, however, proved to be a challenge. A small group of students were standing in the aisle, and she couldn’t find a way to walk past them.

“Um, excuse me? I need to—”

A loud burst of laughter cut her off, and she reflexively dropped her head to look at the floor. Instead of trying to speak up again, she simply waited for the students to leave of their own accord. It took much longer than expected, but eventually Chloé was able to give her test to the teacher and start towards the cafeteria.

Lunch in hand, she eagerly walked around until she found Nick and Tessa. With a smile on her face, she approached her friends and took a seat. “Hey guys! How are you doing today?”

“You know, same old same old,” Tessa said, looking up at Nick briefly.

“Uh, yeah, just prepping for finals, all that boring stuff,” Nick said.

“Just you two today? Where’s Amara?” Chloé asked. The three of them had been practically inseparable the last few weeks, and it was weird to see them apart.

Tessa repositioned her legs under the table, and Nick flinched slightly before he started talking. “Oh, Amara is ... sick. Again. Third time this semester, what are the odds, right? I’m going to try and talk her into seeing a doctor over the holiday break.”

“That’s awful!” Chloé said. “There must be something going around, ‘cuz I haven’t seen Vee all morning either. I’ve never seen her miss a test before!”

“Wait, Vee’s missing too?” Tessa asked. After a strange look from Nick, she continued talking. “I mean sick. Missing because she’s sick. At home. You know, it’s funny, I just remembered that Sydney needed help with ... something. I should probably get going, and I think I need Nick’s help. Isn’t that right, Nick?”

“Uh, yeah, that thing with Sydney. How could I forget?” Nick said, gathering his things. “Look, I hate to bail on you, Chloé, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. Deal?”

Chloé looked up at the two of them and nodded. Her mouth was full of food, and she was confused by how suddenly they had both decided they needed to leave. By the time she finished her bite, they were already gone, and she sighed in defeat.

That was odd. What was that about?

The rest of lunch passed painfully slowly without her friends to talk to. She texted Amara, expressing sympathy that she was sick again, and asking if she could help in any way. Then she did the same for Vee, who still hadn’t texted her back.

Alone at the table, with roughly an hour before she needed to be at her next class, Chloé pulled out her sketchbook and opened it to her most recent piece. She liked to draw out ideas for characters she wanted to play in tabletop role-playing games, and she was in the middle of drawing a tall dragon-person. He had a thick, pronounced snout, and ridges sat on his head and back, but also ran down the top of his powerful tail. He was wearing loose, flowing robes, and his clawed hands crackled with magic energy.

Chloé wasn’t playing in any campaigns at the moment, though she was hoping she might be able to convince her friends to try at some point. She hadn’t brought it up recently, what with all the drama between Amara and Vee, but was optimistic they might be able to start something when school resumed next semester.

Soon enough, the lunch crowd started bustling to their next class, and Chloé joined them. She packed up her things, bundled up tight in her coat, and rushed to class. Accounting was one of her better subjects. Not only because it was so relevant to all the charity work she wanted to do, but also because sharing the class with Sam kept her alert and attentive the whole time. She’d already used much of what she learned when she set up the fire relief charity, and she’d been thrilled with how well that had gone.

As she entered the class, she saw Sam sitting in his usual spot, and it looked like he’d saved the seat next to him. He looked up, saw Chloé, and waved her over. “Hey Chloé! What’s hanging?”

Chloé pushed some loose hair behind her ear, then fidgeted with her glasses briefly before walking over and sitting next to Sam. “H-hey you! Nothing special today, you know me.”

“What have you got planned for the holiday break? Doing anything fun with the family?” Sam asked, leaning closer as students continued to file in around them.

There was a brief pause as Chloé tried to think of what to say. She didn’t like to talk about her family, and especially didn’t want to tell Sam that she was planning to stay on campus over the break. The thought of spending Christmas in her hometown sounded terrible, and she was thrilled the school had agreed to let her stay. “Nothing too crazy, honestly. I’m probably just going to play a bunch of Cyberpunk, that comes out soon.”

“That’s awesome! I might give it a shot, but my family stays pretty busy over the holidays. There are a lot of us, and they’ve got all these silly little traditions that eat up a bunch of time. Like, the day before Christmas we always have to—”

Chloé listened to Sam talk for a few minutes, happily staying quiet as she watched him. He was an animated talker, using his hands to illustrate his points and frequently making big gestures. His rambling was cut short when the teacher spoke up, asking for everyone to prepare for the test.

She felt much better about this final. The questions made sense, and there was simple logic to the way numbers fit together. Math was something she could solve, unlike people. She’d never been great at reading the people around her, and frequently found herself confused by the infinite subtleties of human expression. She much preferred when people just said what they meant, rather than dancing around the point with vague innuendos or back-handed compliments.

Of course, she was more than aware of the irony at play. She wanted people to be open about their feelings, to eliminate confusion, and here she was trying desperately to think of a way to ask Sam out.

Does he know I have a crush on him? I know guys can be oblivious sometimes, but he’s pretty smart. Just tell him! You could make this so easy!

Chloé finished her test earlier than expected and spent the rest of class watching the clock. Every second that passed, every tick of the minute hand, brought her closer to the last chance she had to ask Sam out before the holiday break. She tried everything she could think of to work up the courage. She reminded herself that, if he said yes, they could spend the entire holiday break texting and flirting with each other. Plus, maybe he wouldn’t have to leave right away, and they could hang out at his place before he left!

The teacher called time, and everyone started packing up their things. Having finished early, Chloé was one of the first students to turn in her test, and she then waited by the entrance so she could catch Sam on his way out. She watched as he zipped up his backpack, threw it over his shoulder, then turned in his test. He approached the door, smiled at Chloé, and they started walking.

Chloé had nowhere to be, and was more than happy to pretend that she happened to be heading the same way as Sam.

“Ugh, that final was ridiculous! I have no idea how you make sense of so many numbers,” Sam said.

“That’s okay, everyone has different strengths. You’re way stronger than I could ever be! That’s something to be proud of!” Chloé said, giggling to herself.

“See but exercise makes sense, and it feels good to be active. I like running around, living in the moment. Do you have ever that? That feeling of just ... being. Engaging with yourself, feeling the ground give under your feet, it’s awesome. I’m probably rambling again, aren’t I? I know you’re not a sports nut like I am.” Sam laughed, his booming voice making Chloé smile.

“I’m not an athlete, but I understand how good it feels to belong in your body. To feel good about what you see in the mirror, that kind of thing.”

“See! You get it!” Sam smiled as he playfully nudged Chloé with his elbow. His phone went off, and after checking it, he looked up at her. “Hey, looks like I’m gonna meet up with the guys. I guess I’ll see you next semester, right?”

C’mon, now’s your chance! Do it!

With a deep breath, Chloé started talking. “Y-yeah! Hey Sam, class was a lot of fun this semester, and I—” Chloé froze, knowing what she needed to say next. Her inner voice screamed at her, begged her to finish the script, but ultimately, she couldn’t do it. “I hope you have a good break.”

“You too Chloé! See ya!”