Chapter 49: The Weight of Truth

Sunday September 11th, 2005:

Josh sat around his house, absentmindedly tapping his fingers on the armrest of his chair, trying to come up with an excuse to go see Katie. His mind raced through scenarios, each one either too obvious or too forced. He could claim he left something at her house, but that was flimsy. Maybe he could say he needed to talk to her about something important, but what? Before he could settle on a convincing reason, his phone rang.

Glancing at the caller ID, he immediately recognized Katie’s number. A smile tugged at his lips as he answered.

“Yes, beautiful?” Josh answered smoothly, the familiar words rolling off his tongue as if they had never left. He could almost picture Katie’s grin, the warmth in her voice making his chest tighten in the best way.

“Hey, I miss and love you,” she said softly.

Josh sighed, closing his eyes as he let the words sink in. “I miss and love you more.”

There was a pause before Katie continued, her voice slightly more serious. “We’ve got a little bit of a problem. My dad’s home off the road, and we don’t know how to explain everything to him. I don’t know if we should tell him the full truth or come up with something else.”

Josh hesitated for a moment. He understood how complicated this was for Katie, how difficult it would be to explain something so far beyond rational belief. But at the same time, lying or half-truths would only make things worse in the long run.

“Tell him everything,” he said finally, his voice firm. If they wanted to be accepted as they were, if they wanted to move forward, they had to stop hiding.

“Are you sure?” Katie asked, uncertainty creeping into her tone.

“Yes. Out of everyone in your family, the only one I had real concerns about was Hannah. I would have liked to avoid telling her, but I slipped up at the restaurant.”

Josh’s stomach twisted at the memory. He had been reckless, letting his emotions take control, allowing nostalgia and longing to cloud his judgment. It had felt natural, almost inevitable, but it had also been dangerous.

Katie sighed. “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have pushed the whole song thing with her around.”

Josh chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s alright. What’s done is done. How are you doing this morning?”

“We just finished breakfast,” Katie replied, her voice lightening. “What about you?”

Josh leaned back in his chair, smiling. “Everything’s good over here, just wishing I could’ve woken up next to you.”

Katie’s smirk was evident in her tone. “That would be wonderful. I could really go for some sausage myself.”

Josh laughed, catching her meaning instantly. “I know what you mean. It’s been forever since I had a taco.”

They both burst into laughter, the easy banter easing the weight of the conversation. For a few minutes, it felt like old times, like all the struggles and complications had melted away.

But reality had a way of creeping back in.

“As much as I want to keep this going, I need to talk to Mom and Hannah before Dad gets out of the shower. I’ll try to call you later today. I love and miss you.”

Josh softened, his voice tender. “I love and miss you more, beautiful. I’ll be waiting for your call.”

When the call ended, the silence in the room felt louder than before. Josh exhaled, setting his phone down on the table beside him, fingers lingering on the edge of the receiver as if that might somehow bring her back. The warmth of their conversation still lingered, but so did the ache of missing her.

His mind drifted to his mother. Maybe he should go see her, spend some time with her before the inevitable chaos that would come with telling her about Katie. He could already predict her reaction—the concern, the sharp questions about legality, the worry in her eyes. She would demand to know every detail, likely preparing for the worst.

Then there were his brothers. They wouldn’t hold back. Joel would crack jokes about him “trolling the middle school,” and William—while quieter—would definitely raise an eyebrow. Worse, if they started questioning his relationship with Mr. Johnson, wondering if his past had somehow shaped his current choices, things could spiral in ways he wasn’t ready to handle. Would they even believe him if he told them the truth? Nine years of deception—it was a lot to unpack.

The weight of it all pressed against his ribs, suffocating. He couldn’t afford another misstep like Friday night. Slipping up in front of Hannah and Judith had been reckless. He had let his emotions override his discipline, let his guard down in a way he hadn’t in years. That couldn’t happen again. Balance. Control. He needed to center himself before making another mistake.

Instinctively, he reached for the phone and flipped through his small notepad where he had written important numbers. He hesitated for only a second before dialing.

“Sensei, do you have time to speak with me tonight? I need your advice.”

Sensei Chang’s voice came through steady, grounding. “Come by around six. We’ll have dinner, and then we can talk in my study.”

Josh felt a measure of relief at having a plan, at knowing there was someone he could turn to. Until then, he needed a distraction. He went to his computer room, booting up EverQuest in hopes of losing himself in a different world for a little while. His necromancer needed an epic quest item, and his guild mates were always up for the grind.

Hours passed in a blur of pixelated battles, his mind momentarily unburdened. But luck wasn’t on his side tonight—the item refused to drop. Before frustration could set in, he glanced at the clock. It was time to go.

Slipping into the driver’s seat of his Supra, he turned the key, the engine purring to life. The familiar hum filled the silence, a steadying presence as he drove toward Sensei Chang’s, preparing himself for the guidance he desperately needed.

The evening air was crisp as Josh stepped out of his Supra, the faint scent of autumn leaves mixing with the aroma of something delicious wafting from the Chang residence. He rolled his shoulders, exhaling slowly before making his way up the stone path to the front door. Before he could knock, the door opened, revealing Mrs. Chang, her warm smile a welcome sight.

“Josh, good evening!” she greeted, stepping aside to let him in.

“Good evening, Mrs. Chang,” he said with a polite bow of his head. “Thank you for having me.”

She waved him in. “You know you’re always welcome here. Come, dinner is ready.”

The comforting scent of freshly cooked rice, seasoned meats, and aromatic herbs filled the house. Josh’s stomach growled, reminding him just how little he had eaten throughout the day. He followed her into the dining room, where Sensei Chang was already seated at the low wooden table, his usual composed expression unwavering as he met Josh’s gaze.

“Good evening, Josh,” Sensei greeted with a respectful nod.

“Good evening, Sensei,” Josh replied, bowing his head slightly before lowering himself onto the cushion across from him.

Mrs. Chang gracefully moved about the room, placing dishes in front of them—steamed dumplings, miso soup, stir-fried vegetables, and braised beef. Josh had eaten here before, but every time felt like an experience rather than just a meal. There was a reverence in how everything was prepared and presented, a quiet tradition that made him feel at peace.

“Eat,” Sensei Chang instructed. “We talk after.”

Josh nodded and picked up his chopsticks, following the example of his host. The meal passed in comfortable silence, punctuated only by the clinking of utensils and occasional hums of approval. The warmth of the food settled in his stomach, grounding him. It was only once their bowls were empty that Sensei Chang gestured towards his study.

Josh followed, stepping into the familiar space. Though he had only been here a handful of times, the room always reminded him of the dojo—meticulously arranged, balanced, purposeful. Scrolls of wisdom adorned the walls, shelves of books lined one side, and the faint scent of incense lingered in the air. The space invited reflection, discipline, and truth.

Sensei took his seat behind his desk, motioning for Josh to sit across from him. The young man obeyed, his fingers pressing into the fabric of his pants as he gathered his thoughts.

“Now,” Sensei said, steepling his fingers. His voice was calm, measured—like the stillness before a storm. “Tell me what troubles you.”

Josh took a steadying breath, his fingers tightening into fists on his lap before relaxing. “I’ve been thinking about telling my family the truth—about me, about Katie, about everything. But I’m afraid of what might happen if I do. They might feel betrayed, like I’ve been lying to them for nine years. I could end up pushing them away.”

Sensei studied him for a long moment, his expression unreadable, before finally asking, “And what outcome do you hope for?”

Josh hesitated, his shoulders tensing. “I don’t know. I just ... I want to be honest with them, but I also don’t want to lose them.”

Sensei’s lips pressed together, thoughtful. Then he leaned back slightly, arms folding over his chest. “Josh, do you truly believe they are unaware?”

Josh frowned. “What do you mean?”

A small, knowing smile appeared on Sensei’s face, the kind that said he had long seen what Josh had missed. “I have seen the years in your eyes since the day I met you. Your mother and brothers? They have known you since birth. You do not think they see it too?” He let the words linger, unhurried, allowing them to sink in before continuing. “Sometimes, people do not ask questions because they fear the answers. Or because they already know the truth and choose to let it lie.”

Josh swallowed, his mind racing. Could that really be true? Had his family known—on some level—all along? Had they simply chosen not to acknowledge it, afraid of what the truth might mean?

“So ... you’re saying I won’t know how they’ll react until I actually do it?”

Sensei nodded but leaned forward, his sharp eyes locking onto Josh’s. “There is another thing to consider. Do you seek to tell them for their benefit, or for your own? Is it to ease their confusion, or to ease the burden you carry? The answer matters.” His voice softened, but his words carried weight. “If you do it for them, then you must be prepared to offer patience and understanding, regardless of their reaction. If you do it for yourself, then you must ask—will their rejection break you?”

Josh exhaled, rubbing a hand down his face. The room suddenly felt heavier. “I don’t know ... I just don’t want to be alone again.”

Sensei’s expression softened, the wisdom in his gaze deep and unwavering. “Then perhaps, deep down, you already know your answer. The past may be set in stone, but the future, Josh, is still yours to carve.”

Josh let those words settle within him, reverberating through the deepest parts of himself. It wasn’t the answer he had hoped for, but it was the truth he needed to hear.

Now, the question remained—was he ready to take that risk?

Josh and Sensei Chang sat in quiet companionship for a few minutes after their heavy conversation, letting the weight of it settle. Eventually, the discussion shifted to the dojo, a more familiar and comfortable topic. They talked about upcoming events, student progress, and the possibility of Josh testing for his next promotion.

“You’ve been an invaluable help to the dojo, Josh,” Sensei said, his tone filled with quiet gratitude. “Not just in training, but in mentoring the younger students. I see the way they look up to you.”

Josh rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a small swell of pride. “I just try to pass on what you’ve taught me.”