Chapter 39: Shadows in the Stands

Author’s note: I realized I missed adding a key scene in the story, so I’ve updated this chapter to include it. To help you spot the changes, I’ve marked the updated section with *****. I apologize for the oversight. Thanks for understanding, and I appreciate you sticking with the story!

Love and Peace!

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Josh parked his Supra at the edge of the high school, choosing a discreet spot away from the bustling crowd. The stadium lights blazed in the distance, their beams cutting through the cool evening air like a beacon. He gripped the steering wheel tightly for a moment, steadying himself, before exhaling slowly and releasing the tension. Tonight wasn’t about him. It was about her. Katie.

The thought of seeing her again, even from a distance, filled him with both excitement and dread. He had spent years longing for her, clinging to memories of their life together. Now, he was about to witness a version of her he’d never known: a teenager, still growing into the extraordinary woman she would one day become. Josh shook his head, dispelling his nerves, grabbed his jacket, and stepped out of the car.

As he approached the stands, the sounds of the game swelled around him—the cheers of the crowd, the announcer’s voice booming over the speakers, and the steady rhythm of the marching band. He scanned the sea of faces until his gaze landed on Katie’s family. Kirk, tall and broad-shouldered, stood out immediately, his hearty laugh carrying even through the din. Beside him was Barry, towering even over Kirk, his curly hair unmistakable as he gestured animatedly. Judith and Pam sat nearby, their heads close together, clearly deep in conversation. Though Josh couldn’t hear their words, their smiles and gestures conveyed affection and pride.

Josh chose a seat three rows behind them, angling himself to blend into the crowd. He didn’t want to draw attention, especially not from Kirk, who had always been fiercely protective of his daughters. Settling into his spot, he allowed himself a small moment to relax, ears tuned to the conversations drifting back to him.

“Barry, you need to visit more often,” Kirk was saying, his tone light but firm. “You’ve got no excuse now that Pam’s practically got you semi-retired.”

Barry chuckled. “You know how it is, Kirk. One day you’re immersed in lab work, and the next thing you know, your wife’s ordering you to clear out your workspace because she needs a crafting room.”

Judith’s laugh was warm. “Pam’s right. You’ve worked yourself to the bone long enough. Now it’s time to enjoy life—and to see Katie perform more often.”

Pam nodded, her voice brimming with pride. “Katie’s grown up so much. She’s so poised and confident now. It’s hard to believe she’s the same little girl who used to trail me around the kitchen asking a hundred questions.”

Josh’s chest tightened at Pam’s words. He could picture that curious, vibrant Katie so clearly, and the ache of missing her hit him like a wave. This Katie wasn’t the one he had built a life with, but she was still her—still his Katie. He swallowed hard and forced himself to focus on the present.

When the band emerged at the start of the game, Josh’s breath caught. Even among the sea of uniforms, his eyes found Katie instantly. She moved with practiced ease, her bass drum secure against her frame. As the band began their opening set, Josh couldn’t tear his gaze away. She looked so young, yet he could already see hints of the woman she would become.

As the music swelled, Katie turned toward the stands. Her gaze swept over the crowd, and when her eyes landed on her family, she gave a small wave. Josh’s hands tightened into fists at his sides. The longing to wave back was almost unbearable. He wanted to call out to her, to let her know he was there, but he remained rooted in his seat. Drawing attention to himself could risk everything. He had to be careful.

The first half of the game passed in a blur for Josh. He couldn’t focus on the football game, not with Katie so close yet untouchable. When the halftime show began and the band lined up on the field again, his pulse quickened. He watched as Katie moved into position, her steps precise and fluid. Then, as her gaze shifted toward the stands, their eyes met.

Josh felt his heart lurch. She froze mid-step, her expression an unsettling mix of shock and uncertainty. Her movements faltered for a moment before she recovered, her body resuming the rhythm automatically. But Josh’s mind reeled.

“Is she looking at me?” he thought, panic and hope surging in equal measure. “Does she know it’s me?”

He wanted to believe it was just a coincidence, that she couldn’t possibly recognize him. But the look on her face said otherwise. For a fleeting moment, the world around them seemed to fall away, leaving just the two of them. Then the band’s routine continued, and Katie’s focus returned to her performance.

As the halftime show concluded, Katie’s movements were flawless once more, but Josh could sense her distraction. She kept glancing toward the stands, her eyes searching, as though trying to confirm what she’d seen.

Josh remained seated, torn between staying and leaving. Every instinct told him to avoid further risk, but walking away felt unbearable. He clenched his fists, his thoughts a whirlwind.

“What am I doing?” he muttered. “I can’t interfere. If I change too much, she might not become the woman I fell in love with.”

But the ache to see her, to speak to her, gnawed at his resolve. He stayed through the remainder of the game, his heart heavy with longing and doubt. By the time the final whistle blew, Josh knew he couldn’t approach her—not yet. He had to remain in the shadows, watching and waiting until he figured out the right path.

Josh made his way back to his Supra, parked under the shadows of distant trees. Sliding into the driver’s seat, he gripped the steering wheel tightly, taking a moment to collect himself. He started the engine, the powerful growl of the twin-turbo 2JZ filling the quiet night.

The road stretched before him, winding and empty, illuminated only by the glow of his headlights. Katie lived two towns over, which meant a forty-minute drive home. The solitude offered little distraction from his thoughts.

He replayed the night in his mind: the way she waved at her family, the moment their eyes locked, the unmistakable shock on her face. His chest tightened with longing.

“Did she really see me? Does she know it was me?” Josh muttered, shaking his head as if the motion could dispel the questions. He didn’t want to believe his presence could disrupt her life, but part of him feared he’d already crossed a line.

Josh debated whether he could risk this again. Seeing her brought him joy beyond words, but the stakes were impossibly high. If he interfered, even unintentionally, he might alter her future irrevocably. And that terrified him.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t mess this up. She has to have the life she was meant to have.”

Yet the longing to speak to her, to bridge the gap between them, was almost overwhelming. By the time he pulled into his driveway, his mind was still racing. For now, all he could do was try to sleep and hope that clarity would come with the dawn.

Saturday September 3rd, 2005 :

Josh awoke the next morning, the echoes of last night’s turmoil still swirling in his mind. He sat up in bed, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the faint light filtering through the curtains. The same questions plagued him: Had Katie recognized him? Should he risk seeing her again? He didn’t have any answers, but the weight of uncertainty pressed heavily on his chest.

With a sigh, Josh swung his legs over the side of the bed and headed for the shower. The hot water cascaded over him, offering a brief reprieve from his restless thoughts. He tried to let the steam clear his mind, but the debate raged on. By the time he stepped out and dried off, he was no closer to a resolution.

Josh dressed in a clean pair of slacks and a polo shirt before heading to the kitchen. Breakfast was simple: eggs and a bowl of fresh fruit. He ate slowly, each bite mechanical as his mind churned. His thoughts drifted to Mr. Johnson, the man who had once been a mentor and confidant. Josh had relied on him for guidance during the early days of his unusual circumstances. But since Mr. Johnson’s passing, Josh had been alone with his secret. The isolation weighed on him more than ever now.

“Should I find someone else to confide in?” he wondered aloud, the sound of his voice breaking the silence of the kitchen. “Who could I even trust with something like this?”

Sensei Chang came to mind immediately. The elderly martial arts instructor had taught Josh so much over the years, not just about Aikido but about discipline and perspective. But Sensei Chang’s health was fragile, and the thought of burdening him with such a heavy truth felt wrong.

“And then there’s Mom, Joel, or William,” Josh mused. His mother, always supportive, would listen without judgment, but she’d worry herself sick. Joel and William, his closest friends, might try to help, but how could he explain something so outlandish without sounding insane? He shook his head, pushing his plate aside. “Sitting here isn’t getting anything done,” he muttered. “I need to clear my head.”

Determined to shift his focus, Josh stood and grabbed his keys. After straightening his polo, he headed for the door. The Mini Mart wouldn’t restock itself, and he had responsibilities to attend to. The drive would give him time to think—hopefully, this time, with more clarity.

Josh arrived at the Mini Mart, pushing aside his lingering thoughts about the previous night. He greeted Mrs. Chang at the register with a polite nod and made his way to the stockroom, where Sensei Chang was seated on a stool, quietly inspecting a box of inventory.

“Good morning, Sensei,” Josh said, bowing slightly.

“Morning, Joshua,” Sensei replied, his voice calm but firm. His sharp eyes, despite his age and health, followed Josh’s every movement as he began to straighten the shelves and organize the stock.

Josh moved with precision, methodically rotating stock and ensuring everything was in order. Yet his movements lacked their usual flow—there was tension in his shoulders, a stiffness in his posture. Every so often, he paused, lost in thought, before shaking himself back to the task at hand.

Though he tried to focus on the work, his mind kept drifting back to the stadium and Katie’s startled expression. The questions continued to gnaw at him: Did she recognize me? Did I make a mistake by being there?

As the day wound down, Josh finished stocking the shelves in the store and moved to the register to take his leave. “Good day, Mrs. Chang,” he said warmly. “Sensei, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Joshua,” Sensei’s voice cut through the air with the precision of a strike. “Come with me for a moment.”

Josh hesitated but nodded, following Sensei Chang to the back office. The small room smelled faintly of cedar and tea, its walls lined with bookshelves and framed certificates. A simple mat lay rolled in the corner, a subtle reminder of Sensei’s teaching days before his health limited him.

Sensei motioned for Josh to sit, lowering himself into a worn wooden chair with careful deliberation. His gaze, steady and knowing, met Josh’s as silence filled the room.

“You are troubled,” Sensei began, his tone gentle but probing. “Your body tells the story even if your words do not. The tension in your movements, the weight in your eyes—it all speaks volumes.”

Josh shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m fine, Sensei. I’ve just been working through something in my mind. I was planning to meditate later to regain my balance.”

Sensei’s lips curved into a faint smile. “Meditation is valuable, but only if you are honest with yourself. Joshua, you have been my student for many years. In Aikido, we learn to read our opponent—not just their actions, but their intent. The way you carry yourself, the way your energy shifts ... I have been observing you since you were ten years old.”

Josh froze, the weight of Sensei’s words settling over him.

“You think I never noticed,” Sensei continued, leaning forward slightly. “The way you carried wisdom far beyond your years. The depth in your eyes, even as a child. These are things you cannot hide, Joshua. Aikido teaches us to see the truth beneath the surface. I have long known there is more to you than you let on.”

Josh’s breath caught in his throat. “Sensei, I—” He stopped himself, unsure of how to proceed.

Sensei Chang raised a hand, his expression calm but resolute. “You do not need to explain everything, not yet. But do not insult me by pretending I cannot handle the truth. You believe my health makes me fragile, but my mind remains sharp, my spirit unbroken. Nieko and I have seen you as our son for many years. You are family to us, and we would never turn away from you, no matter what burden you carry.”

Josh’s chest tightened at the words. He had always known Sensei cared for him, but to hear it stated so plainly left him speechless.

“I do not claim to know your secret,” Sensei continued, “but I know this: you have lived many lives within the years you’ve walked this earth. And while the path you tread may be solitary, you do not need to bear it alone. Trust is the foundation of harmony, both in Aikido and in life.”

For a long moment, Josh sat in silence, the weight of Sensei Chang’s words pressing on him like a physical force. His gaze dropped to his hands, fidgeting with a loose thread on the cuff of his shirt, as he searched for the courage to speak. Finally, he lifted his eyes to meet Sensei’s steady, expectant gaze.

“Sensei...” Josh’s voice wavered, low and hesitant. “If I tell you, you might not believe me.”

Sensei Chang tilted his head slightly, his expression unreadable but his tone unwavering. “Try me.”

Josh drew in a deep, shuddering breath, his chest tight with the weight of words he had only shared once before, with the late Mr. Johnson. “I wasn’t always ... this age,” he began, his voice almost a whisper. “I was 65 years old when I died.”

The room seemed to hold its breath. Sensei’s face remained calm, though the narrowing of his eyes betrayed a flicker of curiosity. He waited, giving Josh the space to continue without interruption.

“I was in my 30s when the worst happened,” Josh said, his voice thick with emotion. “I had a wife—Katie—and we were expecting our first child. She was everything to me, and our baby ... our baby was supposed to be a fresh start for us, a chance to build the life we’d always dreamed of.”

Josh’s throat tightened, and he paused to collect himself. “But I threw it all away in a single night. I was driving—careless, and stupid. I wasn’t paying attention, and I ... I caused the crash that killed them both.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Josh clenched his hands into fists, the familiar wave of guilt crashing over him. “I tried to live after that, but I couldn’t. I drowned myself in alcohol, hoping to numb the pain, but it didn’t help. For decades, I drank myself into oblivion, wasting away in regret and sorrow. By the time I finally died at 65, I was alone, miserable, and a shadow of the man I should’ve been.”

The words fell like stones in the silence, heavy and unrelenting. Josh’s voice broke, and he looked away, swallowing hard as his hands clenched into fists on his lap. “When I died, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought I’d be judged, maybe sent somewhere to pay for what I’d done. But instead, I met Death.”

Sensei’s expression didn’t shift, but his focus on Josh sharpened. There was no disbelief in his eyes, only patience and curiosity.

Josh let out a bitter laugh. “Death wasn’t what I imagined. No scythe, no skull. It spoke to me, offered me a deal. A chance to go back, to fix my mistakes. I thought I’d get to relive the moment before the crash and make it right. But Death—” His lips twisted into a wry smile. “Death has a cruel sense of humor.”

Josh leaned forward slightly, his voice lowering as though the words themselves carried the weight of his regret. “Instead of sending me back to that moment, it sent me back to my ten-year-old body. A whole lifetime to live again, carrying the knowledge of everything I’d done.”

Sensei Chang’s gaze didn’t waver, his silence inviting Josh to continue.

“For the past nine years, I’ve been trying to build a better life—not just for me, but for my family, for Katie. I’ve worked to prepare for the day I’d see her again, to make sure I wouldn’t ruin everything a second time. But now...” Josh’s voice trailed off, the ache in his chest threatening to overwhelm him. “Now I don’t know what to do.”

Josh clenched his fists tighter, his knuckles turning white. “I saw her last night, Sensei. She was there, at the football game, and for a moment, I think she saw me too. The look on her face ... I don’t know if she recognized me, but it felt like she did.”

Sensei leaned back slightly, his hands resting on the arms of his chair. “And this troubles you?” he asked, his voice calm but probing.

Josh nodded, his throat tightening. “I don’t know if I should even be near her. What if I ruin her life? What if I change her into someone she’s not supposed to be? But at the same time, staying away feels like giving up. She’s ... everything to me.”

The silence that followed was thick with unspoken emotion. Sensei Chang finally spoke, his tone deliberate and thoughtful. “Joshua, Aikido teaches us many things. One of its most important lessons is that balance is not found in avoidance, but in engagement. Conflict, like energy, is a force to be redirected, not ignored. You cannot run from this, nor can you force it to follow your design. You must meet it with intention.”

“But what if I make it worse?” Josh asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You are human,” Sensei said gently. “And humans make mistakes. But it is clear to me that your heart is in the right place. You care deeply for this woman, and that care will guide your actions. Katie is part of your path, but she is also on her own journey. Approach her with care, but do not let fear paralyze you.”

Josh looked down, the words settling into him like seeds finding fertile soil. “I ... I think I needed to hear that, Sensei,” he said softly.

Sensei nodded, his expression softening. “Nieko and I have always seen you as the son we never had, Joshua. Whatever burden you carry, you are not alone. We are here for you.”