Chapter 15

Amaryllis

We get back to our clothes and quickly shift and change.

I am greeted by a warm hug from Rowan when I finish dressing. It feels nice.

“You and River are amazing!”

I shrug him off quietly and begin to walk towards the house. I could feel that he was upset and confused.

I feel like a monster. River is beautiful. I love River. But why do I have to be different? People are going to be scared of me.

I am scared of hurting people.

Those male wolf’s didn’t deserve to die.

I am terrified.

I get to the house and run straight to the bedroom. I undress and open the bathroom door. After locking the door, I turn the shower on and sit with my back against the cold tile wall. The water was burning my skin. Good. I deserve to be in pain. Alpha Dean was right. I deserve to be imprisoned.

I hear Rowan enter the room after a few minutes.

“Hun, please talk to me!”

I could tell he was worried about me. But I don’t care. I am nothing. I don’t deserve someone like him. Someone to care about me.

“Go away!”

I yelled at him. I didn’t mean to sound mean. But I needed space.

“I’m sorry Row, I just need time to process”

“I get it baby, I will go and do some research”

I hear him run out of the bedroom.

I finally get up once the water doesn’t burn anymore. I went to the sink and started to cry.

‘Amaryllis?’

‘How did you not tell me that we are freaks?’

I feel Rivers sadness in my mind. She says nothing.

I blocked her off in my mind, knowing we both needed space.

As my tears started to dry, I noticed the bathroom mirror was no longer covered. I am seeing myself for the first time in years.

How could a strong Alpha want me? A body covered in scars, and an abomination for a wolf. I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t expect Rowan to understand, but he needs to let me go. I need to let go. I don’t want to be strong anymore. I have been through hell and I want to give up. It would be selfish of him to try and hold me back from peace. No matter how much I want a perfect life with him. We can’t ever have that, because of me.

I dig through the drawers in the sink. Finding a razor I do the only thing I can think of. I try to take my pain away, for good.

I can feel River scratching at the back of my mind to let her in.

I don’t listen.

Sitting In the tub, I drag the blade from my wrist to the crease of my elbow. I push as hard as I can. It burns. The blood goes down my arm and it almost looks calming and Beautiful in a strange way. I do the same on my other arm and begin to feel the relief of death taking me. My Wolf is still not fully healed enough to use mind link, senses while I’m in human form, or heal deep wounds fast.

I feel ... peaceful, knowing that this is the end.