Chapter 1

Amaryllis

I don’t know much about myself. My room in the basement has no windows and no other light source so I can not see anything. I haven’t seen a mirror since I was 10. I remember my hair being super thick and dark brown, just barley covering my chest. My big eyes with a mix of green, blue, and flakes of gold. My skin was a beautiful tan and I would never get a sunburn in the summer like others, some said I even glowed in the sun with my beautiful skin. I know now that my skin is not beautiful anymore. Nothing about me is. I have scars covering my once beautiful skin, scars that I can’t see but can feel. Even if I could see myself, I wouldn’t want to. Every scar would remind me of how worthless and ugly I am.

My parents died when I was 6 years old. I remember them loving me so much. The faint memories I have of them, of being happy, have kept me alive through all of my suffering all these years. I am 19 now. My memories of my parents, of the only people who cared about me, are fading away. I worry I am fading with them.

I don’t know why I was thrown in the basement after my shift. Everyone loved me before I met my Wolf. I don’t remember much about myself but I remember her. Her name is River. I only talked to her once for a few hours during my first run in Wolf form. She was so beautiful. I recall going to a stream on my first run and seeing her reflection. Her beautiful, thick, dark brown coat that reminded me of my own hair, and streaks of gold highlights over her entire body. I remember how beautiful she looked in her reflection. The light reflected off of the gold strands making her shine. I also noticed she was bigger than other wolf’s. Since I shifted At the age of 10, when most first shifted at the age of 15, it was odd how big she was. Usually at the age of 15, your Wolf still looks like a pup. Mine looked like a fully grown adult Wolf and I was so proud of how strong she felt.

I miss her terribly. River is not gone, but she is basically put to sleep in the back of my mind at all times. I can still sense that she is with me. But I can not talk to her nor can I feel her. That is all my fault. Every day I am given leftover crust dipped in wolfsbane. I only wanted to survive but it cost me my best friend.

I am starting to give up. I want to give up. I want to not be in pain anymore. But ... before I give up, I need to feel the grass, one last time.