Chapter 7: And the Snow Fell

“Quartermaster Corps,” I said, jumping down from the cab, handing over my orders and it was a week later and we were rolling south and it was one of our checkpoints just south of the Highway 20 crossover and there’d been some heavy fighting here. My mind was blank and frozen in ice and it’d been like that since I’d watched him go into his grave and the soil had covered him. “Clearance and Processing Unit.”

“Got some Ratdog prisoners here, Lieutenant,” one of the young dudes said. Second Lieutenant. Baby-faced butter-bar with innocent eyes and a guilelessness about him that should’ve saddened me because it wouldn’t be there for much longer. If he lived that long because we weren’t invincible. We took causalities too and I guess I was one of those now even if I was still walking and talking because I was dead inside and really, I didn’t want to be alive either. “Can we turn ‘em over to you to take care of?”

“Sure,” I said, jumping down from the cab and Maddock and Riley were with me and I kicked the knees out from under the first one and as he hit the ground, I put a point four five hollowpoint round through the back of his neck and my boot to his back, kicking his body into the ditch and it shivered for a moment before it stilled.

“Jesus Christ,” the butter-bar said, jumping backwards. “What the fuck...?”

“Craaaack.” Two down and the third was trying to run but Riley butt stroked him and I put a round through his head and he did the chicken dance as I finished him off and the blood was dark red and steaming on the snow and Fujimoto’s squad was doubling up and they knew their work.

The shots cracked out, one by one, my 1911 kicking back with every round and I wasn’t the only one shooting now. The bodies toppled forward, falling into the ditch until there were no more, and some of them tried to run but it made no difference that they were a moving target and some cursed but they were just words and some prayed although god knows that wouldn’t help a Ratdog.

Made no difference at all to me because I was still dead inside and I shot them down as they stumbled away from me or they knelt and pleaded or prayed or swore or spat and behind me, Brad still lay unmoving in the ground where I’d kissed him goodbye and over his grave, the snow still fell and he’d be cold down there under the winter ground and maybe if I was with him we’d both be warmer.

Over the piled bodies in the ditch, the snow fell more and more heavily and within seconds of that last shot cracking out everything lay blanketed in a pristine pure white and I turned my face up to look at the sky and reached for Brad’s hand but he’d never be there with me again and the clean white snow fell on my face and I didn’t feel any better for it and the ice inside stayed frozen.

“They’re taken care of,” I said to the butter-bar, and my mind was white ice as I climbed back into the cab and it’d only been fifteen minutes so we were still on schedule. “Move out.”

“Jesus Christ,” the butter-bar said, and in the side mirror I saw him double over and throw up and then he disappeared in the snow behind us and I wished my memories could disappear like that and Riley drove on while I sat in the back and field-stripped and cleaned my 1911 because it needed a good clean and Maddock sat next to me, her eyes closed, and maybe she was sleeping and in her sleep she looked tired.

Tired and weary and drained and I knew I had to look after them all, because Brad wasn’t there anymore and they needed someone to issue the orders, give the commands, tell them what to do and I didn’t want to but I knew what Brad’d want me to do and I’d just have to keep going because it wasn’t like I was anyone special.

Just another National Liberation Army soldier doing her job best she could and Brad wasn’t the only one that’d died. Just, he was mine and without Brad, what was I going to do afterwards?

I had no answer to that one at all.

“You okay now, ma’am,” Maddock asked, and her hand was on my arm.

I looked kinda blankly at the couple sitting on front of me, the crap scared out of them and the boy was standing and trying to act like this was normal but he was shaking and the girl was crying silently, tears running down her cheeks and who the fuck were they and how long had I been sitting there and I looked down at the file and stared blankly at the words until they registered.

“Machinist, huh, Mr. Cameron?” I asked and I sounded strange, even to me.

“Yes ma’am.” He swallowed.

“Mrs. Cameron?” I looked at the file. Didn’t say much. “Any qualifications?

“I was...” She swallowed. Took a deep breath. “I trained as a nurse, qualified before Stuart and I married but, you know, I couldn’t find work nursing, all the jobs went to...”

I moved my lips and I wouldn’t have called it a smile myself, but I guess it might’ve been what my face used to do when I used to know how to smile. “Heard it before, Mrs. Cameron. Don’t need to tell me ‘bout that one. I trained as a nurse too. Took pay cut after pay cut until I was on minimum and I figured I was lucky. They only kept me because I’m Chinese, made their diversity numbers look good.”

“You were lucky,” she said, and her eyes had that defeated look that so many had.

“That time’s over now,” I said, and it was. “Things, they’re different in the Second Republic. Shit like that’s not gonna happen anymore.”

“They said women are slaves,” she said, and she was real nervous. “Have to stay at home and do nothing but have kids, like in that book...”

“Lies, Mrs. Cameron,” I said. “They’ve lied about us since this started. Look at me. Do I look like I’m at home having kids? Officer in the National Liberation Army, and I’m doing my job the way anyone would and half this unit’s women.” I gestured at Maddock and Mendoza.

I thought of Brad and he’d done his job and I wished I was with him now and I had to squeeze the tears away because if I started to cry I was done and all I had now was my job and I had to do it because Brad would’ve wanted me too. Brad was no quitter and I knew he wouldn’t want me to quit. Not until we’d won at least, and that was a long ways off. “Women in the Second Republic have equal rights, Mrs. Cameron, with certain limitations which Corporal Riley will be happy to explain to you while we process your paperwork.”

I stood up, smiled that frozen smile that didn’t feel real at all and it was just an act because there was no smile inside me, only ice and lips that moved and I extended my hand to Mr. Cameron. “Welcome to the Second Republic as probationary citizens, Mr. Cameron, Mrs. Cameron, Robert, Tricia,” because I had that authority as part of my job but the words had no real meaning. They were just words I was saying, following the script.

Words I repeated, like a goddamn parrot.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Mrs. Cameron said, and her other hand was holding her daughter’s.

“Sergeant-Major Maddock will take you for in-processing now,” I said, and look, the parrot talked real good. “You’ll also be issued your personal firearms and work assignments. We do try and keep families together, so you and your daughter will stay together, but your boy will be drafted into the Army.” I glanced at Mr. Cameron but I wasn’t really looking, just turning my head and my eyes looked right through him and I’d said the words so often now they came without thought.

“You too, you’ll be drafted for the duration, likely into a maintenance unit while we put down the Rebels. Two years military service and you men get full citizenship. Women have associate citizenship, under the guidance of their fathers or husbands. Any women who volunteers and completes two years of military service is granted full citizenship.”

Brad was dead now, and my parents were gone and so were his and I had no father and no husband anymore and I had no idea where that left me but that was for later and I didn’t want to cry, not in front of them. Not in front of anyone and if I cried the way I felt like crying, the ice inside might melt and then I’d start to scream and the darkness inside would swallow me whole and that terrified me. “Corporal Riley will give you the short run-through, Mrs. Cameron.”

“God Bless you all,” Mrs. Cameron said, and she was crying openly now and smiling. “For doing what had to be done. Thank you.”