Chapter 1: Fund Raising

For a variety of perfectly good reasons I’ve never been all that involved in school activities. Maybe now and then I might go see a game or watch a play but so far as being an active participant ... no way.

First take athletics. My only hope would be for the school to dig a lake, buy a ski boat, and offer waterskiing as a competitive sport or club. Until then, I’m out of the athletic realm. I once has a PE instructor tell me I was the worst tennis player he’d ever seen! Talk about building up a girl’s self-image. Essentially any activity that involves striking an object with a stick just doesn’t work for me. I’ve heard it said that single children tend to have less eye-hand coordinated than those with siblings as they tend to be less engaged in games and other social activities. Well, I certainly fit the stereotype.

As much as I lack such skills, for some reason waterskiing IS something I’ve excelled at since I was a little girl. Today, while everyone else is on a tube or board, I’m out there slaloming at full speed and showing off my skimpiest bikini (at least my bottoms as nobody can see the top with the vest on). Hmmm, heck with the sibling theory - maybe there’s something about wearing bikini that makes a difference. Beach volleyball anyone?

Then there’s anything supporting athletics. Ugh! I particularly loathe cheerleaders. Big boobs, big hair, big egos, little brains. Did I miss anything? The only thing I envy about them is they get to wear skirts in school that would get me tossed out if I dared to wear anything like them.

I may have a 4.0 average but Mathletes? Please, give me a break.

I could go on but you get the picture. Now if they formed an Experimental Sex Club or School Slut Club, not only would I be a founding member but more than likely president!

Sure I might miss out on certain social events but being outside of these sort of things does have benefits a well. Perhaps one of the biggest is being able to avoid the relentless pressure to raise funds. It seems you can’t walk down the hall without being tripped up by someone selling something. It’s become totally ridiculous!

Outside of school activities we live in town so 4H or Grange wasn’t really ever an option. I’ve never even been a Brownie or a Girl Scout. No particular reason, just never got into that scene as none of my friends did. As a result - no cookie sales! Now change that to nookie sales and I bet that I’d be the top salesgirl.

While it may seem a narcissist, I have to admit my primary activity in school is boys - or more what boys could do for me given the right “motivation”. It’s funny how when a boy does nothing but chase girls he gets congratulated when he scores and encouraged yet when a girl does the same thing she’s called a nymphomaniac or a slut. Think about it, has anyone EVER called a boy either one?

Even as self-absorbed as I may have been in school, I still couldn’t totally avoid the fund raising scene. So what area was my pitfall? Actually it wasn’t really school but close enough - church!

My parents are quite religious ... well, my mom more so than my dad although he fakes it pretty well - at least well enough to be asked to be a Deacon at least. Given the significance church and religion plays in our family life I guess it was only natural that it rub off on me. I’ve always been very active in church. As a Born-Again Christian since summer camp a couple of summers ago, I take my faith VERY seriously and almost never miss a Sunday School or church session or a Wednesday Youth Night. I read my Bible every day and do my best to use the gifts I’ve been given in a manner pleasing to God. Some people may object saying sexual aptitude and a sexy figure aren?t one of the?gifts? but I beg to differ!

Like almost every club or group these days, money is always an issue for our church groups. The only problem is most of the common and well-received fund raisers have already been “taken” by others. The Girl Scouts had their cookies, the football team sold fruit, the band had the candy franchise, the Boy Scouts locked in the soda monopoly at the local fair, and so forth. We weren’t nearly as organized as the militaristic band so who was going to organize us and what would we sell? Every year it seemed the parents went through the annual budget ordeal. Each year someone came up with some new wacky idea and each year we ended up doing the same thing ... car washes. Inevitably it fell on a rainy day and it always seemed like a lot of work for not a lot of money. Still, what other option was there?

The only good thing about the car washes has been the past couple of summers when I finally earned a spot on the street. LOL, what I actually mean is I grew into the spot. Now I get to be one of those girls you stare at wearing a tiny bikini or VERY short shorts waving at the people driving by to draw them in. For me it was an honor to be finally chosen when I was only fourteen, especially given I didn’t exactly have the biggest pair of boobs in my class. Much to my chagrin I was still a virgin. Steve wouldn’t fuck me for another month although I had no idea about THAT at the time but I certainly knew how to flirt which was the primary skill required for the job.

My first summer I wore my skimpiest bikini bottoms (actually a thong) and then on top I chose a bikini top but wore a cutoff T-shirt that just came down over my boobs. I wasn’t all that anxious for anyone to see how little my boobs were and the extra cover actually served as an optical illusion by hiding them which somehow made them seem bigger. The only problem was the youth pastor made me go home and change into a bikini bottom that was more a bikini and less a thong. Party pooper! My mom was pretty pissed off as she had bought them new for me just for the car wash.