Chapter 3

Kaelus was led into the banqueting hall and made to stand on a wooden platform, which was elevated above the tables where the visiting praetor and his entourage were feasting. He was stripped of his loincloth, leaving him naked and exposed, but this situation was far from unfamiliar to him. Kaelus had been in this position many times before, in front of other guests, and he was well aware of what was going to happen next.

A slave girl was brought into the hall, clad in a thin tunic. She was made to stand next to him on the platform. Kaelus recognised the girl all too well. He knew that she was older than himself, and that her name was Livia. Laughter and coarse conversation filled the room, but for Kaelus and Livia, the noise was distant, a cruel backdrop to the nightmare they were about to endure.

Kaelus stood on the platform, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, his muscles tense with anticipation and fear. He stole a glance at Livia beside him and felt a deep pang of guilt. He hated this – hated that he was powerless to stop it, hated that she had to go through it with him, and hated that their master took pleasure in forcing them into such a degrading situation.

Livia, slightly taller than Kaelus, stood with a stoic expression, though her eyes betrayed her distress. She had been through this before, with Kaelus and with older gladiators, and every time it chipped away a piece of her spirit. She caught Kaelus’s gaze, and for a brief moment their eyes locked. No words were spoken, but the silent exchange conveyed everything – the mutual dread, the shared helplessness, and the small, fragile thread of comfort that they tried to offer each other.

The master’s voice cut through the din in the room, announcing the start of the entertainment. The guests fell silent; all eyes were on the two young slaves. Kaelus felt the colour rise in his face, his skin prickling with humiliation. He kept his eyes on the floor, trying to dissociate from what was happening.

Livia took off her tunic and moved to stand in front of Kaelus. She was now equally vulnerable, her body exposed to the leering looks of the guests. Her breath caught in her throat but she forced herself to remain calm, her mind retreating to a place far away from the cruel eyes that were watching her. She moved closer to Kaelus, their naked bodies barely an inch apart.

‘Begin,’ the master commanded.

As Kaelus entered Livia from behind, his emotions were a chaotic mix of shame, guilt and helplessness. Mechanically and unwillingly, he moved through the motions, his mind in turmoil. He felt a deep sense of violation – not just of his body, but of his dignity and sense of self. The knowledge that he was being forced into this act against his will filled him with disgust, both towards the situation and, unfairly, towards himself.

The mechanical nature of the act made it even more dehumanising. The pressure to perform in front of the guests amplified Kaelus’s humiliation, making every movement feel unbearable. His guilt was intense, knowing that Livia was enduring the same horror and that he himself was, if only in a physical sense, responsible for her suffering.

Kaelus tried to focus on anything but the reality of the situation, but it was impossible to ignore the feeling of Livia’s flesh against his own. He focused on Livia’s breaths, which were coming in shallow gasps. He tried to be gentle, but he was unable to convince himself that this would provide any solace to his companion.

Livia could feel Kaelus’s reluctance and guilt, and it made her heart break for him. She knew he would have given anything to free her from this torment, just as she would have given anything to free him. All they had was each other, and in that she found a small measure of comfort.

As Kaelus finally gave in to the inevitable and released inside Livia, the immediate sense of relief was tainted and hollow. The fact that his body had responded in this way felt like an act of betrayal. Kaelus experienced an intense feeling of self-loathing, even though he knew logically that he was not to blame.

The sensation of Kaelus releasing inside her was both a distressing and an invasive experience for Livia. Her own feelings of discomfort and resignation mingled with a form of detachment that she had learned to employ as a coping mechanism. But even as she tried to maintain some semblance of control and distance, the reality of the situation was undeniable.

The room erupted in applause and cheers, the guests delighted by the spectacle. Kaelus felt a wave of nausea roll over him, his legs barely holding him upright. As he withdrew, he felt disconnected from himself, from Livia, and from the world around them.

Then one of the guests called out a question that struck Kaelus and Livia like a physical blow. ‘Can he do it again?’

‘Proceed,’ the master said to Kaelus.