Chapter 1: Life Before Incest

My parents always kept themselves in pretty good shape and even in her late 30’s my mom still looked fantastic in a revealing bikini while my dad wore almost the same pant size from his college days. Mom loved it when people would mistake her for my older sister! No doubt it helped she only gave birth to one child. Unfortunately I was a rough delivery and so based on her doctor’s recommendation my parents chose to not have any more children. Being an only child has its pros and cons. One of the “pros” is that my Mom and I were always close friends and as such I told her everything - and I do mean everything. There were things I told her that I didn’t even discuss with my best friend Beth. For example, my mom was the first person I told after losing my virginity. The cool thing was rather than lecturing me as most moms would, she just wanted to hear what happened - in full detail, and I wasn’t embarrassed telling her. In fact, I think we were both turned on!

In addition to being an only child, being raised by two professionals (mom’s an RN, dad’s a corporate lawyer) I was treated in a more mature manner than most of my friends were by their parents. Many of the typical boundaries established in most homes are needed due to the varying ages of children so they simply didn’t apply to us. For example, it wasn’t shameful to be seen nude at home - when appropriate of course. As my mom would say regarding many topics, being SEEN and being WATCHED are two different things. Being SEEN naked was typically just a matter of paths crossing whereas being WATCHED was flaunting yourself - a definite NO-NO. We most assuredly were NOT nudists! My parents never vacationed at “clothing optional” resorts or were involving in activities involving nudity either away from home or with other people. It wasn’t that my mom had an aversion to nudity so long as it was appropriate, but more so because she was adamantly opposed to adultery (after all, it IS one of the “big ten”). She was of the opinion couples who were nude together did so for one reason...

Before you condemn my mom, let’s be real ... MOST people who socialize nude do so with sex in mind. If you don’t want to swap or swing then what’s the point in being naked with people? One thing for sure, the only time a boy saw me naked was if I planned on having sex with him. Personally I’ve always felt a skimpy outfit is much more sexy than exposing myself naked. Even if you take away the sexual element, I’ve never been able to understand why anyone would even WANT to be a nudist. To me it feels unnatural, almost forced, as if you’re pushing yourself onto someone else. Maybe that’s why even now as an adult if I AM nude around the house it’s almost always when I’m alone and even then it feels a little weird.

To help illustrate what I’m saying, here are some examples. While it was considered normal for me and my parents to be naked in the hot tub, it was only because my dad claimed swim suits never washed out totally from the soap in the washer and thus contaminated the water - yes, he was a fanatic when it came to hot tub chemistry. Thus being nude was the results of not allowing swim suits rather than any overwhelming desire on his part to ogle his naked wife and daughter. Of course I wasn’t THAT naive - I knew men liked naked girls. After all, one peek at his porn collection made THAT clear. In contrast, if I had a boyfriend over and we were naked in the hot tub, it was a pretty good bet we’d be having sex shortly!

Similarly, we never just lounged around nude in the family room watching TV. For one, my mom consider it to be unhygienic. Even so it just feels better to have a little protection under me, especially considered we had leather couches which felt weird under my naked butt. As with the hot tub though, if I was laying on the couch naked with a boyfriend it was for one reason only - I was waiting for him to fuck me. If I only planned to suck his dick then why give him full access to me?

Not to belabor the point, but I want to be sure folks understood where my head was at during this time (I’m talking psychologically of course). Take the case where my dad was taking a shower. Despite the fact our shower had clear glass shower doors, I wasn’t afraid to do my hair while he showered nor did it bother me if he shaved while I was in the tub or shower. Yes, we may have both been naked but only because it doesn’t make sense to wear anything in the bathroom during those times, not because we wanted the other to see us naked. At least not me but I always assumed my dad felt the same way.

As a little girl I went to bed wearing the same things all little girls did - pajamas, nighties, night shirts and such. Even when I started sleeping nude after I lost my virginity, it wasn’t for any sex-related reasons but more because it was how my parents always slept. Heck, if I was old enough to be fucked, I was old enough to sleep naked like an adult, right? Once I tried it I found it just felt better to sleep naked and so I’ve done so ever since. After a while it wasn’t something I even thought about until I’d spend the night at a friend’s house and have to remember to bring a nightie. Such times served to remind me just how uncomfortable and restricted it felt not being naked in bed. While I slept naked, I still kept a robe next to my bed to throw on when I got up so I didn’t have to run around the house stark naked and piss of my mom.

In today’s world plagued with pornography readily available on the Internet, too many teens have become addicted to porn or even worse, at last in my opinion, de-sensitized to it. (Thankfully I’m not all that interested in porn as it seems mainly geared toward male fantasies.) It’s all the worse when parents add an element of mystery and intrigue by condemning sex or portraying it as something perverted or taboo. What makes something more attractive than to have your parents tell you NOT to look at it or do it?

In stark contrast, my parents brought me up to appreciate the difference between porn and erotic art, to enjoy the feelings aroused by sensuous eroticism over blind lust driven by the tastelessness and vulgarity or porn. Thus I can appreciate eroticism but pornography still turns me off, especially today’s obsession with cheap “amateurs”, fake “interviews” and “castings”, and all the other supposedly “real” situations anyone with half a brain can tell are performed by whores. “Free’use”? Yeah, give me a break! At least the “vintage” videos in my dad’s porn collection made an effort to instill a little plot and a story line, even if sometimes silly and contrived.

Back to associating nudity with sex, it’s always seemed a shame to me when it comes to sex most parents shroud the topic in mystery, treating it as taboo and putting their kids on a guilt trip if they catch their teens so much as masturbating or just playing around a little. Fortunately for me, my parents were always totally open about sex which allowed them to stress respect AND responsibility. It’s sort of difficult to teach respect for something you tell someone not to do after all. Thus while I may have been much more aware of sex when I was growing up in comparison to most of my friends, I was also undoubtedly much more responsible and prepared to handle it when I was fourteen and started having sex.

To be sure, other than “The Talk” (actually for me it was a series of talks from my mom), sex wasn’t a typical conversation topic. Some things were just assumed. Like even though my parents never made love in front of me or really even mentioned it, there was no doubt in my mind they did it, and frequently, as it’s the only time their bedroom door was closed. Heck, they should have just hung out a sign saying, “Stay out Kelly, your parents are making love!” Rather than being embarrassed knowing my parents were having sex, I feel one of the greatest gifts my parents have given me is the security that comes from knowing that your parents are totally in love with one another - physically as well as emotionally. And to think some kids are all “ewwwwwww” if their parents even kiss! I thought it was cute when my dad winked at mom and they headed upstairs, shutting the bedroom door securely behind them. I’ll say one thing though ... my parents may not have allowed me to WATCH them but they sure didn’t seem to care if I HEARD them, LOL.

OK ... so moving along ... In my opinion, sex and masturbation are totally different topics. It should be pretty obvious to anyone masturbation is NOT sex given the necessary parts never touch. Simply put, masturbation allows me to deal with my inner needs and emotions I feel as a result of being created by God as sexual being. Sexuality is a gift, not a curse! So how did something just about everybody does get to be where it’s treated like some forbidden pagan ritual? Personally I think making your kids feel guilty because they need to masturbate is counter-productive, not to mention hypocritical given their parents are likely doing it. I’ve babysat enough kids to know when you them not to do something they want to do, not only will they NOT stop, they’ll just want to do it all the more. In the case of masturbation, it may well result in creating an unhealthy attitude and lack of respect for their own sexuality by being forced to hide it.