Chapter 6

The hot water feels good as it washes everything away. Soap and shampoo are a gift from God, since they can wash away anything, just like God. I wish Hanson would stop putting his soul at risk, since I don’t want him to bun in the fiery pits. If he doesn’t straighten up and live his life for God, then that’s exactly where he’s going.

I’m standing before the fogged mirror as deodorant presses against my pits and glad I can’t see myself clearly in the reflection. Last night remains hidden and part of me doesn’t want to know what happened. As long as I don’t know, there’s nothing to ask forgiveness for. Just to be safe, if I did anything wrong, Jesus, forgive me.

I feel a little better after the silent prayer and start to cover myself the way all people should. Even at home, people should conceal their bodies and remember God watches everything. My bra bites into my skin the way it should, since it helps to ward off vanity.

I forgot to shave. What’s wrong with me? I do it everyday and completely slipped my mind. Waking up naked’s thrown me off completely. There’s no church today and don’t have to go anywhere. It’s just one day and I’ll take care of it tomorrow. I’m overdue for dying my hair and can’t believe those women had the audacity to mention anything to me about vanity. They’re the ones who can’t go a day without putting on makeup and perfume.

That’s alright. They’re all going to burn in hell, since none of them are righteous. They lie to themselves about living for God, but I know the truth. None of them have the fire of God burning inside of them and the only fire they’re going to feel is courtesy of the devil.

With my body covered the way it should be, I leave my room and doesn’t matter now that I didn’t lock the door. My hair’s pulled back and have slippers to help warm my feet. Hanson didn’t see anything and even if something happened last night, God’s forgiven me.

Hanson’s sitting at the table with his short, brown hair all over the place and smiling about something as he eats his breakfast. I know he’s not thinking about his soul, since he wouldn’t have that look on his face. His move to mine and he smiles a little wider. Whatever thoughts are going through his mind are going to cause him to burn.

I’m not hungry, but my throats a little dry. My jaw’s too sore to think about opening my mouth, but have to do something. His brown eyes linger a little and wonder if he saw me sleeping. Couldn’t have. There’s no way Hanson wouldn’t cover me up.

Cold water fills the glass as I smell his morning coffee and hear the pleasantness in his voice. “Good morning, mom.”

I turn around with the cold comforting my hand. “Good morning, Hanson.”

I want to say something about his soul, but it’s too early and he hasn’t even taken a shower. It’s best to wait until after, since he can’t use it as an excuse. My legs carry me to the table and feel the hardness of the wood beneath. I’ve never bothered with cushions on chairs and think it’s ridiculous they have them on the pews. Jesus didn’t have cushions to sit on, so why should we?

Hanson takes a sip and keeps looking at my face. “Are you OK, mom? Didn’t sound like you got much sleep last night.”

I let cold water moisten my throat before answering. “What did you hear?”

He takes another sip of coffee and his eyes move to mine. “You don’t remember?”

I shake my head and set the glass down. “Not a thing. I remember getting home, but nothing after that. Why?”

Hanson doesn’t answer right away and his face has concern. “It’s probably better that way, mom.”

I take a drink of water to wash the last of the mint away and set it down. “What happened, Hanson?”

His eyes widen a little beneath his messy hair. “Are you sure you want to know?”

I lean forward as I make it clear with my tone. “Tell me.”

He nods and says, “Alright, mom, I’ll tell you. You got home a little angrier than usual, but didn’t say anything to me. You downed your wine and passed on the aspirin. I don’t think you want to know the rest.”

I stare into his eyes and there’s no doubt at all in my voice. “I want to know, Hanson. You can tell me everything.”

He takes a long sip of coffee and shrugs his shoulders. “Alright, mom. I’ll tell you everything. Just remember, the words I’m about to use are your words, not mine. You stormed off to your room and I tried to follow to find out what’s wrong, but you told me to leave you the fuck alone, so I did.”

I feel myself blush a little and want to tell him just how sorry I am for the language, but he doesn’t give me the chance. “Your door was wide open and don’t think I would’ve missed a single word even if it were closed. How did you put it? Those fucking whores can kiss my ass. All of them can need to get down on their knees and kiss my fucking ass.”