Chapter 6

Jenny finished chewing a piece of succulent beef and paused to swallow before she spoke.

“What my mother wants, and what I want, are two different things, Bob. She is pushing me to escape home and, I suppose, grow up and stand on my own feet. Just because I am living at home doesn’t mean that I haven’t grown up and become capable. My father prevented me from exploring possibilities with boys, and now at my age I have to be looking at men, not boys. You were still a boy when you met Sandy, but now you are a man with the life experience that helps you be an asset for your wives.”

I followed what she was saying, but I was unsure what she was getting at and going towards. I quickly found out when she went on, “That is why I think I might want to explore the first steps with you. I never got the chance at the right age to get experience this way, and Carol says you are great; though she may have her own personal reasons for thinking that, with no valid comparisons with other normal males. I have spoken with each of your wives, and sounded them out, and they have every one given their approval for me to learn boy-girl activity from you if you are willing to take part.”

Ah, now we get to the crux of the matter.

“Interesting,” I admitted. “I am always willing to teach, if the pupils are keen to learn, but remember I need to have the permission of my wife Sandy before I do anything other than our routine activities with other people.”

Her eyebrtows went up. “You seem to be under her thumb, Bob,” Jenny remarked tartly.

I refused to be annoyed by this accusation.

“Not at all, Jenny. She and I, we are a pair, and we would each do anything for the other. I consult her because I respect her opinion, as should you.”

Jenny said grudgingly, “If you insist.”

“No, no insistence. This family works on agreement, not force of any kind, thus I do not insist on anything except agreeing with each other. We can discuss and argue about some matters, but we end up by agreeing on the best solution. You have been an only child for so long that you never had to work with a sibling and come to an agreement with him or her, and your father did not give your opinion any chance to develop its own views; it was only his own outlook that counted with him. Your mother also had to give in to his constant pressure, so you had no good example to follow.

So, talk to Sandy and my other ladies about how we agree on things, then you and I can talk more about what you can learn here.”

We heard a little more about Jenny’s father. He was going to trial in another month or so; and also that Patricia had started divorce proceedings on the basis of past abuse of her. She was using Sandy & Georgie’s father to act on her behalf in the divorce claim. Interestingly, Daddy first tried to persuade her to go for a judicial separation as a cheap and easy option at the Sheriff Court, whereas a formal divorce action is more complicated. It has to go before the Court of Session in Edinburgh, and that means engaging an advocate to pursue the action there; an expensive measure.

Patricia paled at this information, but doggedly asked Daddy, “If I can afford to, I will do it, as I want to be shot of him permanently!”

Daddy Thompson thought for a moment, then enquired, “You know Bob McIntyre, don’t you?”

“Yes. He is married to my daughter’s school friend Carol.”

Daddy studiously avoided the reference to Carol as my wife and suggested, “Speak to Bob about the costs, and say I was thinking that our firm’s legal aid budget might be explored. See what he says to that. He works for me and attends to certain matters that I devolve to him as part of his training.”

Patricia blinked, but accepted his words at face value.

“Okay. I’ll do that this evening. Jenny tells me we are invited to dinner again.”

“Sandy and Bob are generous that way,” agreed Mr Thompson. “Sandy has well-paid employment, and Bob has an inheritance,” he explained with some vagueness about the family finances, so that Patricia would not fret about the generosity of her hosts. He was careful to refer to me and Sandy without saying that she was my legal wife; just as names. He knew I would be cued to act as if I was accessing a company budget for legal aid, whereas it would actually be coming out of my very deep pockets.

So it was that Jenny and Patricia arrived for dinner, with Patricia attired in her best dress, and saying to Sandy, “Do you mind if I speak privately to Bob about a matter to do with my divorce? It seems he looks after the law office’s legal aid budget?”

Sandy knew perfectly well that no such budget existed and guessed that this was just a ploy instigated by her father for her and Bob to finance the advocacy for Patricia. She replied after a moment for thought, “Just let me have a quick word with Bob, so we can arrange things with the meal timing and so forth.”

She found me and dragged me forcibly by the arm into my new study. When that happens, I know it is something important.

“Darling, Daddy has sent Patricia to see you about the law office’s legal aid budget, as you administer that for him. You can see that this is a pretence, Daddy’s way of asking you to pay for the Court of Session costs in Edinburgh, including the advocate. I know you will do that, my love, but pretend it is a company budget for those with less finance behind them, and it is supported by donations from anonymous philanthropists. That will be easier for Patricia to accept without much in the way of questions.”

I quickly agreed that I would bring her through to my study and we would have our coffee there in private, to discuss the financial implications of a divorce.

So that was what happened. We had our dinner then when it got to coffee time, I invited Patricia to have her coffee with me in my study. Once we were sitting down and had a first sip of the beverage, I asked her what she needed to know about the legal business where I worked.

I gave her my spiel about confidences, “I must warn you I can’t give formal legal advice, as I am not a qualified lawyer, Patricia; only a personal opinion.”

She waved off the warning. “Oh, it is not that. It comes down to money, I’m afraid. George handled our finances, and it seems I am left with very little to work with; certainly not enough to pay for an Edinburgh lawyer at the Court of Session: what do they call him? An advocate?”

“Yes. An advocate is a solicitor with specialist training for the higher courts in Scotland. He advocates for the plaintiff. Because of that, they are paid at a higher rate. For such problems, to help folk who don’t have the wealth, we have established a legal aid budget within our business. We invite benefactors to assist, those who see the need to help others anonymously, and they contribute towards this fund. Mr Thompson makes the decision about who to help, and I get to work out the financial details. I gather that you don’t see any benefit in a judicial separation, which is much cheaper?”

“None. I want George out of my life forever, and if it takes all I have, I’ll do that; but if you can help in some small way ... with part of it at least...”

“No, if Mr Thompson decides you need help, our legal aid budget pays it in full. You don’t have to pay anything towards the cost. It has to be that way as it keeps things simple and we don’t end up having to decide on tax liabilities and so on. It suits us better this way, I assure you, Patricia. Tax rules can be a damn nuisance at times.”

“My goodness! All the costs? This is more than I expected...”

“Let me tell you, Patricia, that the donors to the fund get a tax benefit as it is listed as a charity, but by the same token the charity has to keep accounts of disbursements, and a simple total to a beneficiary is clear and obvious, with no complications such as part payments from the recipient. Simplicity is the key.”

“Well, if that suits the Fund, I will have no objections,” she accepted with a smile.

“Great. We will proceed in that vein, and once Mr Thompson, on completion of the case, has worked out all the costs with me, he will submit an accounting to our Legal Aid Fund which I administer for him, and get a cheque in return. It is as simple as that.”

I was making up all this as I went along, but it had a simplistic logic to it, and I wanted it kept that way for me to pay my father-in-law when the divorce proceedings were complete. Patricia was delighted to have it complication-free.

We drained our coffee mugs and returned to join the others, who were mostly in the nursery playing with the children, except for the two whose turn it was to clear the table and get the washing-up done. I usually helped with the dish drying and putting the stuff away, so I had escaped that chore today. While the eldest kids are willing to help, they are too cack-handed to be trusted with the crockery. Their tuition starts by drying dinner knives and forks with a dish towel, but not sharp knives; too dangerous.

Patricia resumed chatting with my ladies, and Jenny was having fun teaching Martha, Georgina’s daughter, the words of a traditional rhyme she remembered from her own childhood. The sneeze was accompanied by actions, making it expressive.

“Atishoo!” said the Provost. “Atishoo! hoots toots,

I must get me a pair of watertight boots,

For I’ve got a cold, and it’s in my head,

And I am off to my – atishoo! - bed.”

Martha thought this was hilarious and went into screams of laughter, especially at the “Atishoo!” parts that Jenny embellished with a massive pretend sneeze. Jenny confided to us that she picked it up on a guising night at Halloween from another child when they went door-to-door to say or do their tricks and be given a handful of nuts or sweets, or even a small sum of money, as a reward for your performance. The aim was to collect as many treats as possible, so you went with a small shopping bag for carrying your prizes home to show your mother prior to consuming your goodies. It was a tradition that looked to be declining as families moved more and more, resulting in less neighbours whom you knew, and more importantly who knew you as a local child and would invite you in. You didn’t wear a decorative mask as that would hide your face for recognition, or you took it off after you arrived, so they could see who you were. The tradition of guising derived from an ancient belief in spirits who might come out in the darkness at Hallowe’en [All Hallows Evening: the evening before All Hallows day], and so you disguised yourself in some way to prevent the spirits from recognising you as you went out and about the streets on that evening.

Jenny’s rhyme about the Provost (The elected head of a Scottish burgh council) featured an old tradition that colds came from getting wet feet, whereas nowadays it was established scientifically that colds were caused by an infection. After the war, the Common Cold Research Unit for the UK was set up in Salisbury in 1946 to attempt to find out what was the cause of the common cold. Thousands volunteered over succeeding years to be infected and tested in isolation conditions. It was treated by the volunteers as a free holiday away from normal life, as all costs were covered in the research. By all reports, you were well fed there, as that encouraged more volunteers next year.

According to New Scientist, by today the scientists had identified at least a hundred different virus variants that caused the disease symptoms, which is why there is still no specific antidote to the common cold, and the medical advice about dealing with a cold boiled down to: treat the symptoms, and keep it until it gets better. No-one ever seems to have been recorded as having died directly from the common cold, so treat the symptoms; that is all you do, then wait for it to clear up on its own.

On Sandy’s next visit to Glasgow, primarily to deliver her lecture, she visited her broker for an update on our own holdings, and hear more gossip about what George Smart was investing in.

On her return, she was full of the interesting questions she had fielded after her lecture.

“I was amazed at the naivety of some students. They imagined that because their course materials told them the best way to approach a business task, that must be the only way to do it. I had to explain that if the Company Board is full of old men who based their views on what worked half a century ago, you first have to show them what was NOT working for the company, before you can convince them that new ideas are worth considering, and explain in what ways and under what business conditions the new ideas can benefit the company. You always have to show them that your new ways will make them more money than the old ways did. Money is what counts for them; always. It is the only metric they follow.”

I contributed, “In our case, we also had to clear out the criminals and the dead wood in order to have a Board that functions for the good of the business.”

“I didn’t mention that, Bob, for it is our private information. I like to teach students to think for themselves, and not blindly follow some other businessmen’s past tactics. Every tactic and choice of tactic has to be adapted to the local circumstances. There is never a perfect solution that you can just apply; just a way of thinking about solutions. It is simply an extension of what university is for: learning to think clearly and effectively.”

“I get you, and it makes sense even to me. What does our broker have to say about our holdings?”

“We are doing well, on the whole. Things are developing rapidly in the grocery sector, he reckons, and there is money to be made there over the next few years. We have invested more as a result, as people always have to eat. Again as always, drinks are going to be a plus venture for us, and he is keen on the construction industry’s prospects, even though they have their ups and downs depending on the economy.

When I told him we had established our own construction business group, he congratulated me on my foresight. I told him it was mostly coincidence and serendipity, to which he said, ‘I should be so lucky!’

I asked, “What did you discover about our rapist’s activities?”

“Fortunately, he had used the same broker, not that there are very many top class brokers to choose from in Glasgow, so he was able to brief me in confidence, once I told him that the man had been arrested and would be going to prison for a long while; and it was his wife who needed the information for a divorce.”

“And...?” I pushed.

“And he has been putting twenty pounds a month into his investment account for at least fifteen years, and even more once the mortgage on the house was paid off. Apart from the property holdings, he has a minimum of six thousand pounds invested, mainly in the publishing sector. He has a holding in Penguin Group and recently invested, at our broker’s recommendation, in Pergamon Press, a private scientific publisher that has just gone public. I have authorised our broker to buy us into that business as well for there is a worldwide market for academic periodicals bought by universities as a data source for their departments. Publishing your work in a journal is an important requirement in academia. Each submission gets peer-reviewed by the journal’s expert consultants before being accepted, so that gains your published article considerable respect. Almost every university subscribes to these journals, and the expanding education sector worldwide makes the publisher profitable.”

“Oh? I hadn’t known that. Another gap in my knowledge, but one that hardly affects me. As long as you are au fait with it, Sandy, that’s fine. Much more to the point, is Patricia going to be able to get half of that investment?”

Sandy shrugged. “I can’t say for certain, as it depends on the judge hearing the divorce, but I would put money on her getting half, and possibly more if the judge veers that way. Rapists tend to get short shrift in court cases.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. Any way that we can pass on this information to her without causing problems for our broker friend?”

“I can simply tell her that my contacts suggest that there is a considerable sum salted away in investments, and she should ask for half of what exists. I can tell her advocate the name of the broker. Actual figures for value can vary depending on when the assets are sold and what commission you have to pay the broker conducting the sale for you.