Chapter 43

Deana’s eyes followed the curves up Rebecca’s legs, over the rise of her ass, down the slope into her lower back, and up to the brown hair tossed across Rebecca’s shoulders. Should she wake her girlfriend or continue to watch Rebecca sleep? The gymnast’s naked body tugged the strings of desire that moistened Deana’s labia and erased any doubt; it was girls, not boys, that turned her on, and she absolutely loved Rebecca. It wasn’t until the doubts had been banished that Deana realized they had existed.

Rebecca had boyfriends in the past; she had been obsessed with the idea of sex with Evan, and her undaunted reactions to Deana’s sexual exploits had been a thorn in Deana’s subconscious. Did Rebecca expect her to be happy, excited, and listen with fascination if she hooked up with other women or Evan? No, Deana wouldn’t be okay with that. Did that mean Rebecca was only going through a phase and wasn’t gay the way she was? Those thoughts had been obscured by the clouds of guilt. Deana had been using lust as a drug and anesthesia for the deep-rooted pain and trauma, but when it wore off, Deana felt like a cheater and a fraud. Evan’s dick had been in her more times than she could count, and she was addicted to the effect it had. The bliss, the compounded love, and the connection to their joined subconsciousness erased everything else for a little while. Who wouldn’t want that when the reality of their life was filled with pain and loss?

This morning, Deana had awoken happy and confident that Rebecca was her true love. Yesterday, Rebecca had launched from compassionate concern into wanton lust when Deana mentioned the slide. The girl was fingering Deana before they reached the top of the ladder, but through the evening, during the night, and earlier when they had made love and fell back to sleep, Deana saw Rebecca in a new light. Rebecca might have fucked Deana blind in public, fiddled under the dinner table with her parents across from them, and gotten wild once they reached the bedroom, but the underlying mood, the tone of Rebecca’s voice, her tender touches and kisses were all infused with the same compassion and concern Rebecca had when they first talked about the pictures. Rebecca got it; she hadn’t dismissed Deana’s anxious fear or stopped extending a lifeline for Deana to seize and be drawn into her girlfriend’s arms. Rebecca loved and cared about her with the same acceptance and understanding Cindy had shown and the same ferocity and sacrifice Candy extended. Deana knew Rebecca accepted her, and no matter what, Rebecca would be there in whatever capacity the situation required. Their love was the forever type. Didn’t that mean she could tell Rebecca everything? No, Deana wasn’t ready to complicate Rebecca’s life with all the skeletons in her closet. Not yet.

Deana sat up, leaned forward, and nibbled Rebecca’s butt cheek.

“Mm, is that you, my love?” Rebecca asked.

Deana took a bite. “Who else would be here in bed with you ... kissing your ass?”

“Only you, Dee, I swear.” Rebecca turned on her side. “Is it time for breakfast?”

“Um, we had each other for breakfast earlier,” Deana said. “It’s lunchtime now.”

“I need food first, then a shower, then more of you.”

She lifted Rebecca’s hand and pressed her lips into the palm. “Damn it, Reb, I love you more today than yesterday.”

“Me too.” Rebecca sat up, turned sideways on the bed, and laid her legs across Deana’s thighs. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s great. Why?”

“You’ve been thinking about something so much I could smell smoke,” Rebecca said. “Seems like it’s more than the pictures.”

Great, Deana thought, I can’t even convince Rebecca everything is fine. What’s going to happen when he gets back? “You’re right, it wasn’t just seeing my mother.” She covered her face.

“Dee, what is it?”

What was bad enough to justify her mood but not as bad as wanting to kill her father? “Reb, I kissed you at the park. Those women might have been watching us.”

“And?”

“It didn’t bother you?”

“It’s not like you sat on my face.” Rebecca chuckled. “We waited until they left for that.”

“Aren’t you worried about being gay? What about when we go back to school? Don’t you think about that?”

“Of course, but I don’t worry about it,” Rebecca said. “We’ll be seniors, and you’re the hottest girl in school. Who’s gonna fuck with us?”

“You’re okay with being known as the lesbos?”

Rebecca lifted her legs. “You see these?”

“Be hard to miss something like this.” She ran her hands up and down the flexing muscles.

“Well, I’ll use them to kick the shit out of any bitch who calls us that.” Rebecca shrugged. “Evan can handle any of the guys that I can’t beat up myself.”

“This is serious.”

“Why, because you’re afraid of being gay?”

“No, maybe, no, I’m not.” She stared at the naked gymnast. “I guess I’m just afraid of how people will react. It’s not the way it used to be, but people can still be assholes, and where we live, you know, a church on every corner.” She shrugged. “Maybe I should binge-watch The L Word?”

“Fuck ‘em.” Rebecca pushed Deana down and sat on her. “Fuck ‘em all. I love you.”

Tears instantly burned in Deana’s eyes. The diversion tactics had turned into a relationship conversation Deana hadn’t realized she needed. “Reb, I slept with Candy and Cindy.”