Chapter 10

Candy cinched the robe tight, narrowing her waist and tightly encasing her chest. What is wrong with me, she asked while tapping her sister’s number.

“Candy, hi,” Sally said. “Is everything alright?”

She should have been defensive toward the implied accusation, but it was true. “I’m sorry, I know it must seem like I only call when I’m upset, but ... ah, oh, who else am I going to talk to? I don’t have anyone else to—”

“Candy, it’s fine. I want you to call me anytime, for anything. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“I know. I feel so helpless. It’s like I went from being an adult, their parent, to being one of them.”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Sally asked. “You never got to be their age, have the reckless bliss of being a teenager, because you gave everything up for them. They needed you, Gloria needed you, and you sacrificed, skipped over years of your life for them. Now, they’re living the years that you skipped. You’re immersed in it, and they don’t need you how they used to, so why wouldn’t you enjoy life, the years you missed, with them?”

“Yeah, but Sally, I did it again, with Evan. I was with him again. We spent two hours in bed, and I think I called him Bobby. Fuck, what is wrong with me?”

“Nothing, honey, nothing at all,” Sally said. “Sit down and take a few deep breaths.”

“How do you know I’m not sitting already?”

“I know you,” Sally said, “you’re walking back and forth, ready to throw something.”

“Okay, I’m sitting at my desk now, breathing, but I still called out my brother’s name while my son was—”

“Candy, Evan is Bobby, he represents everything that Bobby was. After years of suffering with John, Evan is like your first love all over again. He makes you feel the things you felt with Bobby, and you’re in love with him the same way. You can’t admit it because he’s your stepson, but it’s true. You love him the way you love Cindy. You’re in love the way you never got to be after Bobby and me.”

Candy opened her mouth to protest but nodded in stunned silence. “Did you study psychology, too, while you were gone?”

“Baby, you don’t need a degree to see it. Just forget the relationship, the titles, stepson, and niece, and look into your heart. You’re in love, and those feelings will never go away.”

“But I can’t keep fucking my son and niece and be their mother, the adult. And Gloria, shit, Sally, I’m such a horrible mother. She’d hate me if she found out.”

“You sure about that?”

“Of course, she has a crush on Evan. It would be like what John did to Evan when he had a crush on me. It broke the boy’s heart, and he had to live with it, watch his father have what he wanted.”

“Candy, let’s deal with John first. For now, just stay away from Cindy and Evan, and we’ll figure out how to handle John.”

“You make it sound so ominous.”

“Yeah, um, I’ll be there tomorrow, and we’ll figure it out. Okay?”

“I guess,” she said. “When I’m with you, talking to you, I feel like it is okay, but once I’m alone, that sense of hopeless dread creeps back.”

“Don’t be alone,” Sally said. “Avoid Evan and Cindy, but don’t be alone. Spend time with Deana.”

“Deana, ah, yeah, that’s good.” If I want more problems, Candy thought.

“You just relax. Everything is going to work out,” Sally said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”