She’s So Clingy

-Rainbow Dash POV-

“I still don’t see what the big deal was. Kids love guitars. I have a guitar. What are we running from?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. That argument holds up well,” Twilight replies in her sarcastic tone that I don’t much care for, “By that logic, since kids also love bumper cars, you should drive them drunk.”

“ ... Well, that would just be irresponsible.”

“Gee, ya don’t say.”

“Ugh, you’re such a stick in the mud. The slightest bit of any fun just rubs you the wrong way, huh? Why kick me when I’m already down, anyways? I’ve already been docked a week’s pay. Isn’t that good enough for you?”

“Nope. You still don’t know what you did was wrong.”

“No, what I did wasn’t ‘wrong’. What I did was just ‘against the rules’. The absolute hell we live in. Kids beat on desks with their pencils all the time and no one bats an eye. But I wanna play on my guitar and Celestia gets all uppity.”

“You know, you really suck when it comes to comparisons.”

“It’s the principle of the matter. I’m trying to get these kids engaged. Wake ‘em up a little. Make them forget the jail cells they’re shackled within.”

“You’re a gym coach. That’s literally your job regardless of what you do.”

“You just don’t get it. I wouldn’t expect someone as uptight as Celestia’s history teaching footstool to understand anything about engagement or anything remotely interesting.”

“Insult me all you want. You’ll still think twice before doing something that stupid again. I mean, if you wanna keep your job, of course.”

She cements her point with a smug grin. God, she’s such an unbearable cunt sometimes.

“The amount of joy you’re getting from my misfortune is just disgusting.”

“It’s only because I love you and want you to realize that rules are in place for a reason.”

“Whatever, mom. Just get outta here so I can get the day’s activities in order.”

“What are you talking about? You shouldn’t have to do that. This week’s FitnessGram test week.”

“ ... What?”

No. No, she can’t be right. That’s supposed to be next week. I was mentally preparing for that stupid fucking week! Don’t tell me it’s really this week! I frantically search it up on my phone and, sure enough, there it is, plane as day. The FitnessGram test starts as of today. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

“Yeah. That’s this week. Oh my God. You forgot, didn’t you? Wow, I never thought I’d see the day where the great fitness junkie, Rainbow Dash, would forget something as prevalent as this.”

“UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Again, she laughs at my misery before saying,

“What, you finally realize how much that test sucks? Has the almighty Dashie come to her senses about the FitnessGram test?”

“No, I’m not like you. I can actually take care of and use my body in the way it was meant to be used. It’s just all these out of shape punks are gonna be unbearable to watch. Losing the Pacer Test at, like, the 8th ring, the sorriest excuse of ‘push ups’ the human eye has ever bore witness to, pull ups that would make blind men cry, I swear, it’s just the worst week of my fucking career!”

“Huh. I thought you’d find things like that to be the most entertaining thing in the world.”

“Hell no! It would be like your entire class telling you that Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb.”

“Oh, wow. Yeah, this week must be hell for you.”

“Understatement of the goddamn century. Man, now my day’s ruined. I was having a good one, too. Thanks a lot.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault your class doesn’t know the difference between a push up and dry humping the floor. Besides, it can’t be all bad, right? I mean, surely you’ve got at least a few people who won’t disappoint. Like that one girl, uh- ... Scooter? ... Skateboard? ... Scallywag?...”

“Scootaloo.”

Ugh ... Of all the promising performances, she’s not someone I’d really put that highly on the list.

“What’s with that tone? I thought you said she’s one of the best students you’ve had.”

“I mean, yeah. Performance wise. But she’s just. So. Fucking. Annoying. She’s always trying to show off. And before you say a single word, when I do it, I at least have the common knowledge of following up on my boasting. Half the time, she lands square on her face. Both figuratively and very literally. I mean, I like the kid, but come on. At least be somewhat coordinated. Bare minimum 20% more accuracy is all I’m asking.”

“Aww, looks like you’ve got your very own shadow. She just wants to show the impact her teacher’s having on her. What’s wrong with that?”

“Dude, if we’re talking about the impact on her, I’ve got nothing on the floor, the wall, and her locker.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Mean and truthful. Like, she’s a hard worker, sure. But hard work alone isn’t gonna stop you from falling flat on your ass.”

“Yeah, I guess. Oh shoot, what time is it?!”

She retrieves her phone from her pocket before expressing a look of utter dread.