Chapter 19: Smash It Up

Ah, Saturday morning and I don’t have work today, the whole day to do what I want. Well, not everything I want, there’s always homework. I need to start my Creative Writing assignment. We’re supposed to find a news event and discuss how it impacted us, or our family in some way, even remotely is okay. I’ve been batting my brains about this, the big thing that comes to mind is remembering how Grandma talks about where she was when she heard the news that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, seems everyone in that generation remembers exactly what they were doing when that happened. The other is, my parents remembering what they were doing on September 11, 2001. I was alive when those planes were flown into the World Trade Center and The Pentagon, but I was only one day shy of 2 years old. The 9-11 event is a good one, but I have a feeling many in the class will use it.

A news event and how it impacted me, or my family. This is what I’m thinking about on the treadmill in the Fitness Room with Rachel, Chad, and Alex. Alex was out of bed before me and ready to work out this morning, no coaxing was needed. He’s still fired up about what Nicole will say after being seen with another guy last night at Tony’s. I reminded him to stay calm, hear her out and try not to jump to judgment too quickly.

Rachel and Chad are talking about that Omega Alpha guy who was arrested last weekend after his dildo flopping show on the wood pallets at the bonfire. He was drunkenly proclaiming to be The Flasher of Northbrook, boy, did that ever land him into a heap of trouble. Not only legally, but also with the school. Once he was sober, he admitted it was a stupid thing to do and said he never flashed anyone, ever. His parents came, paid his bail for supervised release, and to took him home while the investigation ensues. He’s also on suspension from the university and not allowed on campus until further notice.

Hey, now there’s a local news event I witnessed. I could write about how I’ve been following the story and saw that guy’s stunt at the party. But, this is still ongoing and part of me totally believes the dude’s story. Sure, he was drunk and stupid, but I think the real flasher is still out there.

Through the Fitness Room window, I see Jack pass by in the Common Room, on his way out. I wonder if he’s going to the lumber store like he was talking about the other day? It is weird how he seems so different after our experiences at the house on Cobb Road. In hindsight, maybe we should have listened to Mr. Curtis’s advice and simply stayed away.

Hmmm ... The Cobb Road house ... I think I’ve found an interesting news event that I have a remote connection with...

Abby called and said she’s going to spend the day showing Caroline around the Northbrook campus and shopping on Main Street. She wanted to know if I’d meet them for lunch at Kevin’s, I said, “Sure.”

Kevin’s Kafe is a typical family diner, similar to Murphy’s back home. I arrive at quarter to twelve and see the girls near the door while Caroline is finishing a smoke.

“Damn, it’s fucking cold today,” I complain, locking my bike to the rack, “Froze my ass off on the way here.”

“Better get used to it if you and Miss Abigail are gonna be Nanooks of the North up here,” Caroline replies.

“We’re not that far north of Spring Haven,” Abby rolls her eyes, “You’re acting like we’ve moved to the Arctic.”

“Hello, by a couple of hundred miles, Winter will be harsher, just sayin’.”

Once we’re seated, I look through the menu and casually say, “Nope, they really don’t have either on here.”

“Don’t have ‘either’ what?” Abby asks.

“Our favorites,” I snicker at our private joke with a smirk. This is in reference to the late-night picnic we enjoyed on the couch after the bonfire last weekend. Abby shoots me a glance that clearly communicates for me to knock it off.

Caroline, of course, picks right up on it, “And, what may I ask, are your personal favorites?” Abby was right, I should have kept my mouth shut as her friend says, “Could it be this?” She holds her hand in a gripping fashion, mimicking sliding a carrot-sized pole in and out of her mouth. My stifled snicker at her sexual mime gives it away. “Ha!” she laughs, “I knew it! How’d I guess?”

Abby covers her mouth, trying to ignore it, but I can see she’s holding back smirking as well.

Caroline nudges Abby, “Tell him what your roommate and her chick said to us this morning.”

“Oh god, no...” Abby’s face turns red, “Can we just let that go?”

“What?” I ask, “Belinda and Tanya?”

“Oh, this is too funny,” Caroline’s face lights up.

“Now, I’m curious, what happened?”

Seeing how Abby is stalling, Caroline says, “I’ll tell him.”

“Since you brought it up, you might as well...” Abby mutters.

“Okay, so get this,” Caroline leans in, “This morning we come out of the bedroom and those two were already eating, so we join ‘em. They have these looks on their faces like they’re eyeing us up. So, I ask, ‘Something funky in your Cheerios? Are you liking my tah-tahs? What?’ Then they ask-” Caroline pauses for effect and to snicker while Abby put’s her head in her hand, something tells me this is the part of the story that’s going to be good.

“They ask, ‘So, how’d you like it?’ and I ask, ‘How’d we like what?’ And they say – hahaha - they say, ‘Eatin’ each other’s pantie pies!’” Caroline breaks into full-on laughter now.

“‘Pantie pies?’” I ask, “Did they think you two were-?”

“Yup!” Caroline nods, “They actually thought we were in there lickin’ on each other! Then her roommate asked – hahaha - asked if we at least fingered each other. You should have seen the look on Abigail’s face! And, I thought I was the master at making her gawk, but those two - Wow!”

Listening to this has Abby disgusted, but she had to know Caroline would not, nor could not keep quiet about it. A little louder than she should have, she blurts out, “Can’t two girlfriends sleep in the same bed and NOT have everyone thinking we’re kissing each other’s va-jay-jays! Sheesh!”

Behind us in the next booth is a family; a mom and dad with two little kids. Having heard enough, the father loudly drops his fork, gets up, and comes over to our table. He’s not happy and through clenched teeth, hisses, “Can I remind you that this is a family restaurant and to please keep your conversations appropriate for young ears?”

“Oh! I am so sorry!” Abby frantically apologizes, “You are so right, one-hundred percent right. I don’t know why I let that slip out, it was a stupid mistake, just an awful thing for me to say.”

“We’re very sorry,” I add, “It won’t happen again.”

Satisfied, he gives us a cold, “Thank you,” and goes back to his table.

The three of us finish lunch feeling rather embarrassed, well Abby and I do, a smirking Caroline finds the whole thing highly amusing.

Outside of Kevin’s, Caroline lights a cigarette. Abby is still bothered by our lack of mouth governors in there, “Gosh, I still feel really bad about what that family heard us talking about. But, I mean, come on, Belinda and Tanya had to know we would never go down on each other like that, it’s just ... ewwww! I don’t even wanna think about it!”

“I like going down,” I grin.

“That’s different. You’re a guy, you’re supposed to like it. A girl with a girl? No way, not for me.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Caroline shrugs, “I’m a girl and I’d give it a try...”

“You would?” a surprised Abby asks.

“Sure, why not? We only live once. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase, ‘no-one can please a woman like another woman.’”

“Yes...” Abby sighs, “Belinda told us that.”

Caroline’s phone rings, she looks at it, “I don’t recognize the number, should I answer it?”

Taking a look, I say, “Oh, that’s Alex’s number.”

She puts him on speaker and answers with, “Pantie Pies Bakery, pick your pleasure. Would you like to try my special today, it’s extra-virgin cherry?”

“Caroline! Knock it off!” Abby laughs.

“Uh, hi ... Um, this is Alex, Kyle’s roommate? You know, from last night? We meet at Tony’s and-”

“Yes, Alex, I know who you are,” Caroline rolls her eyes, “What’s up?”

“You asked me to call. Are you busy? It sounds like you’re outside or something.”

“No, not busy. Abby, Kyle, and I just had an awesome threesome-I mean lunch, we’re outside of some diner.”

“Tell him it’s Kevin’s Kafe,” Abby leans in to whisper/correct.

“Anyhow,” Alex explains, “you told me to call if Nicole, that girl I like, talked to me.”

“So, did she?”

“Yeah...”

“Yeah?” Caroline reiterates.

“She came to see me.”

“And?” Even though he can’t see her, Caroline impatiently rolls her hand for Alex to continue, it’s the universal gesture to jump-start a slow-moving conversation.

“Well ... I’m not mad at her anymore.”

“Why?”

“She told me that she likes me and wants to go out again. She said she was sorry for being such a downer at Gut-Buster’s last week, she had a headache and feels bad about-”

“Wait a minute,” Caroline stops him, “What about the bubble-brained bimbo lying to you last night and salivating over some other dude?”

“She said she ended up feeling better after I texted and figured I was already busy, so she went to eat with Aiden. Apparently, he’s just a guy-friend she likes to do stuff with sometimes.”

“A lot of kissy face and hand-holding for ‘just a guy-friend’...”

“I asked about that, she said it’s nothing and he’s just affectionate that way.”

“Hmph ... I don’t know, Big Guy,” Caroline isn’t buying it, “Sounds like a steaming pile of cow shit to me.”

“Maybe ... but, I’m gonna give her another chance and take her out to dinner.”

“What happened to Mr. Fuck-It-All and Fuck-the-World from last night?”

“I was angry, plus I’d hate to blow it, you know? She is pretty cute.”

“If you ask me, she blew it with you last night. Don’t get all wrapped up in her stupid cuteness, she’s still a lying skank-bitch in my book.”

“Jeez, Caroline!” Abby steps in, “Let him at least see how it goes.”

“Okay, okay,” Caroline deflates, “you do what’s best, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

“I’ll be fine. Look, I gotta run, I have a date to plan. Say ‘hi’ to Abby and Kyle for me.”

“You’re on speaker and you just did, they’re right here.”

“Oh, hey, Alex,” I say before Caroline hangs up.

“Yeah, Kyle?”

“You going to Dan’s place for the party tonight?”

“Not sure, I may or may not see you there, I’ll have to see how it goes with Nicole.”

“Okay, have a good one.”

Caroline ends the call and looks at us. “He’s thinking with his tiny head, that skeezer is so gonna break his heart, you know that don’t you?”

Abby and I shrug. To us, it sounds like Alex has things under control, he can make his own choices.

The girls are off to walk Main Street while I hop on my bike for a chilly ride back to the dorm. The beginning of Winter is settling in, we’ll probably be seeing snow soon.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Connor’s brother, Dan, lives off-campus with about six or seven roommates in one of the large, old-style, houses rented to students on 4th Street. These places always have big parties going on, sometimes all weekend long. They’re almost like fraternity houses, but not actual fraternities where one must go through an acceptance or hazing process to join.

As a matter of fact, it was at such a kegger bash on this street that Abby and I found each other and I walked her home. Thinking more, it was at another party at that same house, when Leona made her grand entrance into our lives. More specifically, into Connor’s life, or should I say, into his pants. Ever since then, his blow-jobs have been an ongoing source of annoying amusement to one degree or another. Hence, the reason for this party. Tonight, we’ll present Connor with a special gift to commemorate his month spent inside the mouth of the Legendary Super Sucker.

Speaking of the Super Sucker, I heard she made an appearance at the Omega Alpha Fraternity House last night, after sucking three potential candidates, she picked this month’s winner. Whoever Mr. November is will receive a month’s worth of knobs-jobs from the proclaimed expert. I’ll bet that doofus who was dancing on the pallets and currently sitting at home on bail, is kicking himself big-time for pulling that retarded stunt.

When we left the dorm, Alex texted, saying that everything is going great on his date with Nicole and they may meet up with us at the party later. Zach, Connor, and I are walking to Abby’s to meet up with her and Caroline, then on to 4th Street. I guess it’s a good thing it’s so cold, easy for me to hide Connor’s gift under my bulky jacket.

Abby is excited to take Caroline to her first real college party. Caroline, being her usual sunshiny self, is acting blasé about it, “A party’s a party, how different can it be from the ones back home?”

“Have you been going to parties back home?” Abby asks.

“No.”

“Then how would you...? Oh, never mind...” Abby gives up on Caroline’s self-contradictions.

I wonder what the original builders of these grand craftsman-style homes would think if they could see them now utilized as off-campus student housing. Big parties, pounding music, air clouded with cigarette and vape smoke, and, of course, plenty of binge drinking. In a pantry room off the kitchen, I show Zach the Leona’s Lips sex toy I bought for Connor. “How are you going to present it to him?” he asks.

“I don’t know ... I was just going to give it to him. Why?”

“Let me say a few words before you do, okay?”

“Sure.”

The party is the typical wild atmosphere with loud music and everyone getting hammered, many are playing beer drinking games. I see Jay and Randy (A.K.A. Beavis and Butthead) from Room 408 are here. Connor probably told them about the party, talking about favorite metal bands is something they have in common.

Dan motions his hands in the air to get everyone’s attention. “Hey, how’s everyone? Just want to make a couple of announcements. First, our friends Zach and Kyle have a very special award they would like to present. Later, when everyone one is good and wasted, we’re going to smash the shit out of two couches, a sectional sofa, these two chairs, and this coffee table I’m standing on.”

A raucous roar of approval. I lean to Caroline and say, “Wanna let out some aggression and abuse some furniture?”

Caroline likes to act like nothing impresses her, but even she can’t deny the appeal of this. With a fist bump, her eyes light up, “Fuck yeah, I do!”

Dan motions for Zach to step up and address the crowd. “When I heard this party was going to be in honor of my roommate, I thought I should say a few words. Step up for us Connor.”

Connor looks around, clearly confused, but plays along and takes a bow.

“You see, Connor here is one lucky guy. Four weeks ago, he won a very special prize and, at first, I couldn’t have been happier for him. He won a whole month of getting his dick sucked by none other than the famed Super Sucker of Northbrook!”

Hoots and hollers from the guys, the girls just roll their eyes uninterested.

“And, I have to say, this has been one hell of a month. I can’t tell you how many times I came back from class to find our door locked. Telltale loud moans from inside stopped me from using my key to let myself in. Over much time spent waiting in the Common Room for Connor’s grand finales, I became quite familiar with how truly boring daytime TV really is. I can’t say it was all bad though ... Let me tell you, some days his visitor was in and out of there pretty damn quick; as in, just a few short minutes!”

Zach’s light-hearted jab at Connor’s inability to hold off from cumming too soon makes the room laugh. “But, it’s all good, Connor is my friend and roommate, I’m sure he would have grinned and bared it had the situation been reversed.”

“You know it, Buddy,” Connor thumbs up.

“Although, there were at least three occasions that are imprinted into my memory, never to be unseen. You see, those are the times my good pal Connor...” Zach slows down to annunciate every word, “Forgot – to lock – the door.”

This brings a collective “Ooooo-Ooooo.”

Connor turns red. “Oops...” he snickers, “Sorry about that...”

“No worries, my friend, seen WAY more than I bargained for, but hey, it’s okay. That isn’t what memory sticks out though ... What sticks out was the offer made by his guest. She invited me to drop my pants and join the party!”

I think to myself and remember Leona offering to suck, not only me, but Alex and Adam. Supposedly, she even blew those scrawny pencil-dicks, Jay and Randy. I guess all you need to be is in the vicinity of a winner to also reap the benefits. She did tell me how turned on she gets by our “sexy blue-jean bulges” and that she would gladly suck every dude in the dorm if she could, so to say this woman loves college guys’ cocks is an understatement!

“So, how was it?” a guy in the back calls out, “Does she suck as hard as we hear?”

“Well, those are the details Connor will be happy to share, he’s always looking for fresh ears to tell his tales to, aren’t ya, Connor?”

“Hell yeah!” he agrees.

“The truth is,” Zach continues, “I can’t tell you how hard she sucks, I declined her offer because I have a girlfriend back home.”

“Pffttt ... So, what?” the guy in the back of the room scoffs. “I would’ve gone for it, who wouldn’t?”

“To each, their own,” Zack shrugs, “I’m a one-girl kinda guy.” He sure knows how the play the room as this cheer comes from the girls.

Abby leans to me, “He’s like you, Kyle, loyal to his girlfriend. I like that.”

Zach motions for Connor and me to join him, “Let me wrap this up with a couple of things. First: a toast. Here’s to you, Connor, glad you had a great month! Even though you annoyed the shit out of us, we’ll always be your friends.”

Everyone raises their cups with an accompanied, “To Connor!”

“The second is: Kyle has found the perfect gift for you. Hopefully, this will help you relive your experiences in a less intrusive way on the rest of us.”

I hand Connor a bag containing Leona’s Lips, everyone is trying to see what it is. “Aww come on! Really?” he shakes his head, knowing we got him, got him good.

“Sorry,” I laugh, “I couldn’t resist.”

“I guess I’ve earned this after all the driving you guys crazy.”

He pulls it out of the box and pokes his finger in between the latex lips. Quickly pulling it back out, he cringes, “You didn’t, like, use this already, did you?”

“Nah, still a virgin, just for you!”

Connor’s on-the-spot embarrassment quickly dissipates as a couple of guys approach, wanting to hear all the details about his sessions with Leona. Of course, he’s more than happy to rehash every crotch devouring, super-suction, pulling his shaft skin, nut tightening, cum draining, detail. I really hope this is the last time we hear all of this...

Looks like a few beers in and Caroline is loosening up. Across the room, she’s found a couple Jay and Randy to blow out clouds of cigarette smoke with. For simply exchanging devil horn gestures to some Five Finger Death Punch music in the hallway yesterday, the three of them seem to be getting along. Or, Caroline is having fun scrambling their tiny brains with her own brand of snarky wit – I’ll go with the latter.

Abby comes over and leans on me, “Caroline is sure puffing away over there, she looks like the chimney. She lights up a new one as soon as she puts one out.”

To be funny, I felt like saying, What? Are you the cigarette police now? but figured a smart-ass reply like that would probably land me trouble. So instead, I say, “Cigarettes must go good with beer...”

“They must...” she shakes her head.

A new team is needed at the beer pong table and they invite Abby and me to join. I show her how the game works and we’ll give it a shot. We win the game and a new team steps up to take us on, it’s none other than Jay and Randy. Brushing their knuckles on their shirts, it’s clear that Beavis and Butthead are under the impression they can kick our asses. Abby decides to bow out so Caroline can take her place. She’s been watching and has a good idea of how the game works. Several rounds in and it turns out these guys are actually pretty good at this.

Sensing we’re losing ground, Caroline takes matters in hand, literally. Just as Jay lines up to shoot, she reaches between her legs, scratching, “Wooeee, my hoo-ha is sure on the itchy-side today!” This distraction causes Randy’s ping-pong ball toss to fly off course and miss the cups entirely.