Chapter 8

It may have cost me $5, but the shower at the camp had an ocean of hot water, and I felt human once again afterwards. The kids (and Dave) told me about their day. Dave had rented a canoe and paddled them around the lake singing silly songs and fishing with worms and bobbers. Seneca had a sunburn under his eyes and I rolled my own eyes when he protested that he’d re-applied ‘like, a dozen times Mom...” sure he did. They had also caught three smallmouth bass that were eating size. The Bass were a real interesting meal after killing ants all day. I wasn’t all that interested in the meat, but smiled anyways as I choked down a few small pieces of my sons’ ‘harvest’ before focusing on the veggies and potatoes. I waved to Dave as he drove off, my children oddly quiet for the few minutes before bed. I told them some of the funny things that had happened in my day, but they really weren’t all that interested.

Having a simple washroom in a camper is a huge boon. Dragging children in PJ’s over crunchy gravel roads to a shared toilet in the dark is no fun for me.

Oddly the kids enjoyed it. Those gravel roads were one of their first hours of real ‘freedom’ from Mom running hand-in-hand down the crunchy gravel to the playground, or beach, or even toilet. Strong memories of a small thing.

I thought I’d be too keyed up to sleep but faded off almost instantly to the sound of campfires and others around them chatting.

Mornings come early in trailer camping, and although it was Fall the park was still somewhat busy. Birdwatchers up before the dawn competed with grumpy hungover fishermen to see who could shut their car doors the loudest. Hard-sided trailers muffle most but not all of the noise. Those under 10 slept through it all without a care in the world.

Our next day was quiet with no visitors. Just the two kids and myself. Oatmeal and hot chocolate for breakfast, a long walk, and throwing stones at the beach. Just this summer, days like this had been heaven. Why was I so ... bored?

The park was mostly empty by that evening. I packed our suitcases and greeted Janet and Sam when she arrived. Ashley was immediately smitten with another child younger and smaller than she was and could (it seemed) be counted to watch him for a few minutes without much trouble. Seneca wasn’t interested once he realized that they couldn’t wrestle.

The two of us adults settled in some outdoor recliners and talked shop, the TV on low in the trailer. “Thanks for letting us use this trailer, I’ve been living with my Mom for two years, ever since Sam was born. This’ll be as good as a vacation for all of us. Mom never says anything, but I sometimes get the feeling that she’s feeling swamped by all ... this.” she finished.

This genuinely surprised me; I assumed as soon as she said she had the skill to ‘identify’ that she’d be rolling in it. Place of her own, new cars, big vacations...

Janet saw my expression. “Sam’s father left me with some, ok ... a lot of debt. He also had some connections to people that I’d rather stayed severed. If I start going public with what I can do, these guys will start knockin’ on my door with their hand out. So far, not many people are interested in putting one of these magic and valuable things in the Post to some unnamed person. I haven’t been able to make much on that skill at all.”

“How did you even get that skill?” I whispered quietly.

“Sorry,” she smiled ruefully “That particular story is one I can’t tell...” she paused. “How about you? I saw the kids with a tall handsome fella before we jumped in the portal?”

It was my turn to smile ruefully. “Dave is the kids’ father, still married but we’re separated and did so just before the ‘Visions’ came. He isn’t a bad guy really, but he doesn’t really love me. Once I’d figured that out, I asked for a separation. I’m not too old to find some real love in my life, although the kids make it a little awkward...” I laughed.

“How’s that going for you?” She asked.

I’d heard that turn of phrase before. One of my trainers used to say it whenever I had a strong opinion on how to proceed with something and went off in my own direction against his advice.

I tried not to take offence.

“Not well, men find me attractive, but few want to get to know the ‘30-year-old-single-mom’ me. I found one guy very attractive, but he was dedicated to something else.”

“You looking for a man who is only dedicated to you?” She asked, raising an eyebrow (hey! that’s my move!).

“No, but he should love me, and want to be with me. He should think of me and...” I trailed off. “What?” Janet was looking at me funny.

“That’s a lot to ask from any guy, let alone one taking on someone else’s children. Tell me, will you be thinking of him first or the kids?” She asked quietly with a serious look. “I’ve tried dating for a while now. It’s not too hard to find a partner for the evening, but as you know I’m still single.”

“So you’re telling me dating is hard, and I need to lower my expectations? Christ, I haven’t even started yet!” I replied, exasperated.

“What I’m telling you is that it’s a competitive market. Sure, you’re a catch but so am I. Have an idea of what you’re looking for in a partner that you won’t compromise on. Keep that list small.” She finished the ‘girl talk’ portion of the conversation. I needed to mull this over anyways.

“So, what’cha got for me?” She asked, holding out her hand. “To be honest, I like identifying stuff, it’s neat to see what comes out of the portals.”

Something suddenly clicked! “You should identify stuff for free!” I all but shouted. Janet looked skeptical but didn’t say anything “Hear me out: you identify stuff for free, and more people will want to send you stuff to identify, right?”

Janet nodded “Yeah, so I work for free?”

“Remember online media literacy training, ya know, in grade school? I remember the quote ‘If you’re not the customer, then you’re the product!’ You just said that these things are interesting. How many people might pay to see what these interesting things are? Or how many people might watch a MeTube video of you explaining what it is?” I finished, excited.

“Maybe I could make a MostlyFans website, have still images and small videos of me excitedly identifying things ... maybe even team up with a MeBay auction site to sell them for other people!” She was really getting into this.

“Can we do a trial run? Let’s do an ‘over the shoulder’ shot without your face in it. I’ll drop an item in front of you, you just react and talk like we’re having a conversation.” I described.

“Low-cut top? Buttons undone?” She asked, laughing.

“Can’t hurt, besides as you said earlier: you’re a catch!” I giggled.

We ended up shooting it there in the trailer. Janet sat at a small desk that sometimes doubled as a makeup stand for me in the mornings. The lighting was good. I had her change into a scooped neck top just ‘for the likes’. She assured me that she had no ties to the UCLA which featured prominently (but upside down) stretched tightly across the front of her. Free advertising, I guess.

I ended up talking and having my hands in the shot too. We were just hamming it up, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Just to surprise her, I dropped the giant ant Dong in her hands. She shrieked just like I thought she would. (We’d had a glass of wine by this time) after the laughter died off, I told a bit about how I’d found it, and how I’d ended up winning it at the end of the dive. Janet stored it, and read the description (done already, but we played it as though it was new) and we chatted about how and who might be able to use it. Janet signed off after about 4 minutes with the phrase “Well that’s it for this show, but feel free to send me stuff you want identified. The link is just below the video ... it’s free but you pay shipping both ways unless you want me to sell it for you. See you next time on ‘The Diver Chick Who Identifies Shit... ‘ I tapped the phone to stop recording.

While I made dinner for the 5 of us (There was no driving after a bottle of wine between us) Janet made a new MeTube account under ‘The Diver Chick Who Identifies Sh*t’ and linked a newly made E-Mail account, as well as a P.O. Box she set up online.

The video was uploaded to MeTube with a thumbnail image of a top-down shot of Janet’s chest, with her hands holding the end of big black rod. Apparently at the last second, she didn’t click the ‘Monetize’ button, thinking that she might only get a few hundred thousand views. It was a shame she didn’t.