Chapter 15

I arrived home to a figurative shit-show. Seneca, May and Brian were still locked down in the ‘Secure safe area’ and Dave was shouting into the phone to get them released. He was holding his phone in one hand and a shotgun in the other (by the fore-stock, not the trigger area at least).

I put down the bags I was carrying and gently took the firearm, being careful to only keep it pointed at solid walls and away from people. I’d seen enough idiots with guns today. After checking the safety, I placed it up on top of the china cabinet. Not really kosher with firearms control laws, but it had been a weird day.

Ashley was watching a kids show about pigs who live on a big hill, but a news banner was running across the bottom announcing different governments statements. Her reading skills were not up to words like “reckless endangerment” and “tribunal prosecutor” yet.

I needed a shower desperately and called out to Ashley. “Hey baby girl, do you want to have a shower with me?” Really, I had no plan to ask this just a moment ago but I needed to keep her occupied and distracted and it just popped out of my mouth.

“Yeah! Cool!” She said, with more enthusiasm for a shower than maybe even I had, but I suppose it was just something different for her.

I hustled her off to the master Bathroom (where she normally wasn’t ever allowed) and it was funny to see her awed expression to find a countertop with double sinks. I had spread all my stuff out already, so there was no divide between a his/her side.

“Why are there two?” She asked, it was an obvious question.

“This bathroom is normally shared by two people, and they both can get ready at the same time if there are two sinks.” I started taking off my armor layers.

“Can I have one sink? Seneca is gross.” Ashley said, with all the sincerity a five-year-old can muster.

I laughed hard and got stuck in my shoulder pads. Bending over toward her, looking out of the neck hole. “Are you sure that you could share with a crazy old lady like me?” I laughed again. “Help me this?” and I wiggled my hands sticking out just barely from the arm holes.

Ashley pulled and tugged, I made it as hard for her as I could, suddenly getting a silly idea I let go and she staggered backwards, nearly falling. I timed it so that I pulled all the skeleton’s armor out of my Inventory at the same time as my under layer came off.

The look on her face was priceless as about 400 pounds of armor was dumped onto the floor in between us. Looking for all the world like it had just come off of me. The pile was taller than she was!

I just kept giggling and stripping, pointing to her to the big shower stall that had two showerheads. We had it put in just before moving in, it was our first major renovation.

I showed her the controls and smiled as she reached for the one I knew would soak her in her little nightie. Without disappointment, she managed to select the rainshower head on, and after a delay of a few seconds cool water was all over her and she really shrieked. I fiddled with the controls to add enough hot water just as Dave burst in the door.

I suppose he came to investigate the screaming, but he stopped in his tracks looking at the pile of armor and shouted “Holy shit!” I looked over my shoulder at him, catching my reflection in the mirror which showed all my recent cuts, scrapes, bruises and scars.

“Holy shit!” He said again, but with a different tone. He followed up with: “Hey, I like what you’re wearing!”

Gotta give the man credit for trying.

“Where did all this come from?” He asked.

“Same place this did.” I replied, pulling a skeleton sword out of inventory. Point on the floor, the pommel reached the bottom of my breasts. I swung it up and pointed it at him. Far from being scared, he looked like he wished that our daughter wasn’t in the room.

Weirdo.

“Fan.” I said, shifting the sword to point to the switch right beside him. He took the hint and turned on the exhaust fan. “Out.” I said next, pointing back to him.

I’d never really been body shy before, but being naked with a dirty-great sword feels way more comfortable than being naked without one.

“Awww ... do I have to?” He whined. Dave sure wasn’t looking at the sword.

“OUT!” I shook the sword a bit, aware what this was doing to other parts of my anatomy. He gave me a sad look then shut the door while I put the sword away.

I looked down at Ashley, hoping against hope that she hadn’t understood what happened there.

“You got a SWORD!” She shrieked.

Looks like I had a few years before that next conversation after all.