Chapter 8

I was standing in the middle of the stage, playing my heart out. Ten thousand people filled the arena in front of me, cheering and singing along. I was just finishing the solo, turning to Lyla to start singing the next verse, when she opened her mouth and let out a high-pitched squeal.

My eyes flew open as my brain tried to transition between the dream and the noise that was happening in front of me. Hanna was standing just beyond the entryway, one hand partially in front of her face, but not actually covering her mouth, letting out a piercing squeal. Kat was curled up next to me, her head on my chest and one arm draped across my stomach. We were both still in our jeans from last night, but our shirts were strewn haphazardly on the floor.

Kat stirred next to me, blinking awake at the sudden noise, looking around blearily.

“Hanna, what are you doing here?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

She bounded over to the bed, energy radiating from her. “Oh my God, I knew it! I knew you two would end up together!”

When I didn’t say anything right away, not sure of how to respond to that, she said, “Kat never came back to our room last night. I didn’t even realize it because I was so tired and went to bed early, but when I woke up this morning, her bed was still empty. That’s not like her, so I got worried, thinking maybe something had happened. I rushed over here to get you to help find her, and instead, I find this.”

She squealed again, waving a hand toward the bed to make it clear what she meant by ‘this.’ I knew she had a key to my room since both rooms were under her name, and I didn’t begrudge her using it to get help when she was worried about Kat. I just hadn’t expected I’d need to explain anything this soon.

“Clearly I’m fine,” Kat said with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry to worry you.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m just so happy for you guys!” Hanna grinned. “So when did this happen? Are you officially dating now?”

“Well, we, uh...” I mumbled.

The truth was, Kat and I hadn’t really defined anything yet. Last night had been unexpected and surreal. I hadn’t planned on kissing Kat. I didn’t regret it, or the stuff that happened after, but we’d never really discussed it beyond Kat’s confession of her feelings toward me, or my telling her I felt it too. Kat pulled her shirt on, meeting my eyes briefly before turning to Hanna.

“Nothing’s been decided between us yet,” she said. “Last night just kind of happened unexpectedly. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it.”

Hanna was clearly trying to contain her excitement, but I could tell she was dying to push us for more details.

“Come on, give me something here!”

“There’s nothing to give, Hanna,” I said. “Like Kat said, it just kind of happened, and then we fell asleep. I think we need to figure it out first.”

“Of course, of course,” Hanna said. “I’m not trying to pry, but ... are you both, you know, happy?”

Kat and I exchanged a glance. I knew how I felt, but I didn’t want to speak for her. The look in her eyes, though, made it clear what her answer was.

“Yes. We’re both happy about it.”

“Oh my God! I’m so happy for you both!” she said, a huge grin on her face. “Okay, okay, I can take a hint. I’ll leave you two alone to ... continue figuring things out.”

“I should really get going,” Kat said, a flush creeping up her cheeks. “I need to shower and get packed up so we can head home.”

She started to get up from the bed but then paused. Turning back, she leaned in and gave me a soft, lingering kiss. Aware we had an audience, Kat was a little pink with embarrassment as she pulled away, but she was also grinning.

“I’ll see you soon,” she said, grabbing Hanna’s hand and pulling our friend out of the room with her.

They’d already started to squeal and giggle as the door closed behind them. I ignored them, collapsing back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. My head was spinning, trying to process the last twelve hours. Kat confessing her feelings for me wasn’t a complete surprise. I’d always known she’d had a thing for me, although I’d chalked it up more to her condition than anything else. The surprising part was the realization that I actually felt the same way.

A part of me wished Kat and I had talked more last night, defined what we were to each other now. Hanna had asked a lot of questions that I had asked myself, and I kind of wished I had a better handle on what we were. This wasn’t like when I dated Sydney or Rhonda. There, the longer we dated, the better we got to know each other. Although in both those cases, that wasn’t actually a good thing since what I learned was that they weren’t right for me, it had at least been a progression. We’d increased our relationship the longer we dated and the more we got to know each other.

This was completely different. Kat and I were already best friends. I knew all about her, and she knew all about me. Would we just skip through those early days of dating? I mean, she’d told me she loved me before we ever kissed. And not the kind of love we’d experienced before that, the love between friends. If we started dating, we’d be jumping right into the deep end. It’d be zero to sixty in no time flat.

I knew I cared for Kat. Loved her, really. Or at least, I thought I did. But we needed to talk about it. She hadn’t been in a relationship that wasn’t controlled by her condition, and I’d never had a relationship last long enough to get to the place Kat and I were at now. If we didn’t do this right, we’d crash and burn, and ruin our friendship.

I shook off those thoughts. I could lie here all day, trying to analyze it, and just freak myself out. Better to get ready to head home and deal with everything else later.

Unfortunately, “later” didn’t include the car ride home. Although we had just over nine hours in the car, not getting back until almost six, Hanna was with us, and this really felt like a conversation that should be between just Kat and me. Not that we didn’t have fun. We talked, sang along with the radio, and just enjoyed hanging out the entire drive. Kat was almost a completely different person on the drive home. While the egotistical side of me wanted to take credit for that, she also didn’t have the pressure of an upcoming competition like she’d had on the way up, so it was an easier situation for all of us.

It was still a long drive after a long week, so we were all tired when we finally pulled into the driveway. As we unloaded, I started to think through some of the things I wanted to say to Kat once we were inside, every word of which I forgot as soon as we opened the front door.

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices yelled, the lights flicking on the moment the front door opened.

Inside was a crowd of our friends and family. Besides the expected Mrs. Phillips, there was Chef, a bunch of friends from school, and even Lyla and Seth, who I wouldn’t have expected at a coming home celebration for Kat. A huge banner was hung from the upstairs railing that read “Welcome Home, Olympian!” across it, and I could see a stack of snacks on the kitchen table.

“You guys!” Kat exclaimed, her face lighting up. “This is incredible!”

Everyone swarmed around her, offering hugs and congratulations. I hung back, watching her interact with our friends. She looked so happy and carefree, and there was no way I was going to get in the way of that.

We hadn’t called ahead, so who knows how long they were all sitting in the dark, waiting for us to get home to surprise us. The party itself was a blast. I hadn’t seen my school friends in more than a month, since the very end of the last semester, and we hadn’t spent much time together during the year because of all my drama.

They made us tell the dramatic stories of all of Kat’s victories again and again. Most of the guests knew how good Kat was, having gone to see her swim for the school, but this was the first time Lyla or Seth, I think, really realized how talented she was. To them, she was our groupie, traveling around to shows and helping to work the merch table. I was glad she was getting the recognition she deserved.

It was late, and some people had to work the next day, so the party only lasted a few hours. But I think Kat really needed the recognition. Hanna and I had celebrated her, but having more people make such a big deal of her accomplishments, went a long way to increasing her confidence. As the last person left and we started cleaning up, my mind again turned to what I was going to say to Kat, now that it looked like we were going to get a quiet moment together.

Hanna, however, kept that from happening.

“So, I know you two probably want to talk,” she said, giving me a pointed look as she dumped napkins and plastic cups into a trash bag. “But I already told my mom about you two kissing last night.”

“You did what?” Kat said, nearly dropping the stack of plates she was carrying to the sink.

“I’m sorry!” Hanna held up her hands defensively. “But she asked how the trip went, and it just sort of came out. I didn’t go into details or anything, just that you two finally admitted you have feelings for each other.”

“Why would you tell her that before Charlie and I even had a chance to talk?” she said, setting the plates down with a clatter.

“Because this is a unique situation, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought Mom should know. At the very least. She cares about you both and wants you to be happy, but she also doesn’t want either of you getting hurt. And neither do I.”

“I have to agree,” Mrs. Phillips said, coming out of the kitchen before Kat could voice another objection. “This is a rather special circumstance.”

“Shouldn’t Kat and I be the ones to decide how it’s handled, though?” I asked. “Like I keep saying, we haven’t even had a chance to talk about it yet.”

“Of course you should, and I’m not saying we or anyone else should make decisions for you,” she said. “I just want you both to really think this through and maybe talk to Dr. Rothstein, see what he says about how this would affect, or be affected by, her condition.”

“I’d actually already thought of talking to him, but I really wanted to talk to Kat about it first.”

“Why would you go talk to him?” Kat said, turning on me. “I know why you did when I first started going to him, what with the agreement you and I had, but things are different now. I’m no longer using you as a crutch, and you haven’t talked to Dr. Rothstein about me since that first time.”

“I think you should talk to him. I just want to make sure I’m not going to end up hurting you, even if I don’t plan on it. I want to protect you, even if that means protecting you from myself. If that makes sense.”

“What does that mean for us, though? Are we ... are we taking it all back?” she asked, looking almost scared.

“No, not at all. Nothing’s changed from last night. I meant everything I said then, and I still mean it now. I don’t regret what happened between us, and I’m definitely not taking anything back,” I said, stepping closer to her, putting my hands on her shoulders. “But we do need to make sure we’re doing this right. I just want both of us to talk to Dr. Rothstein first, to get his take. Then we can sit down together, talk through everything, and figure out where to go from here.”