Chapter 25

IT WAS THE BEGINNING. Erin had to face her own feelings about her attraction to Preston. He had declared his longstanding desire to kiss her and both understood that meant far more than being best friends. But was she ready to move on to this phase of life?

“I don’t know what I should do,” she confessed to Dolores later that evening. “I like him. He’s smart and kind. And creative. And handsome. And ... I like him.”

“Why are you arguing with yourself about this?” Dolores asked. “The whole argument seems one-sided.”

“Sure. Everything sounds great. He’s socially inept and suffers severe attacks of anxiety. But the negatives aren’t really about him. They’re all about me. I’ve only been single for eight months. I’ve just paid off the debt I incurred from my last marriage. And in that regard, I’m batting zero when it comes to choosing a partner. Add to that, I manage the company he owns. We have a professional business relationship. If I’m romantically involved with him, do I even have a job anymore? I’m not going to give up everything for the idea of love again.”

“Ah, yes. The idea of love. Don’t you think you’ve learned something from that experience? You didn’t give things up for love. You gave them up for the idea of love. For the idea of having a family and becoming your idea of a perfect mother and wife,” Dolores said.

“That paints a rosy picture of it, doesn’t it?” Erin sighed melodramatically. “And accurate. Maybe I’m not capable of that kind of relationship. Maybe if I’d been a better wife, Bruce wouldn’t have strayed. Maybe if I get involved with Jerry, it will just be a precursor to him finding someone else, because I’m not enough for a man. I should just steer clear of relationships.”

“Liar,” Dolores laughed at her. “You don’t believe any of that. First off, Bruce would have strayed no matter who he married. You could have been the matron saint of the marriage bed and he’d still have looked elsewhere. And you don’t believe any of that about Jerry. What are you really afraid of?”

“What am I afraid of?”

Erin poured herself another glass of wine. She’d had a drink at the bar with the shareholders and said goodnight to Jerry. Then she’d come to Dolores to share a bottle of wine, which Dolores barely touched because Saturday was still a work day for her. Erin was feeling the effects of the alcohol, but it was sending her deep into her own thoughts.

“He’s a nice guy. I like him. He’d probably welcome me if I just went back to the apartment tonight. Maybe. He’s a little scary. I mean, am I really capable of being calm if he’s in the middle of a panic attack? Not just the first time, but the fifth and tenth times? It seems like a lot of responsibility. Would I be a stressor? Would having me around make him more prone to attacks? Would I be ... good for him? As good as he is for me?”

“Those are serious questions, Erin. And they aren’t about Jerry. You’re the only person who can answer the questions about you.”

“What should I do?” she repeated. “I like him.”

“My opinion, which is worth every penny you’re paying for it, is that you should take it slow and easy, but let it progress naturally. It’s definitely not a good idea to go back to the apartment tonight. Don’t rush things. Even when you feel like rushing. Get to know him better. Think about going out someplace that is neutral territory. Get to know him there.”

“You need to get to bed so you can go to work in the morning,” Erin said, standing. “Thank you for listening. I won’t do anything stupid. At least not tonight. I don’t even need to drive home. I live close enough to walk. Thank you, Dolores.”

“Get home safely, dear.”

Another bottle of wine waited at home for Erin. She shut her cellphone in a kitchen drawer and took the bottle to bed where she watched old sappy movies on the television. At least she wouldn’t be drunk-texting anyone. It only took another glass of wine before she faded off to sleep with the television still playing.

She was not used to the volume of alcohol she’d consumed, and woke up slowly on Saturday. It was a day of nursing a headache and putting herself to work. She cleaned her apartment from top to bottom, even sorting kitchen drawers and reorganizing her closet. She wondered absently how her cellphone ended up in the kitchen junk drawer.

She over-indulged in black coffee to the same extent that she’d imbibed alcohol the night before. As a result, she was shaky by the time she left her apartment to go to a family restaurant at the shopping center for dinner. She ate the commercialized Italian food, and purchased the extra meal they offered at a discount to take home.

She looked at the open bottle of wine from the night before and poured it down the sink. She certainly didn’t need a repeat of that. She made herbal tea and turned on the television, but sat in bed with her laptop and reread all the reports from the previous week.

“Why isn’t there a book called Running a Company for Dummies?” she sighed. Maybe she should write it.

Instead, at about one o’clock, she got out of bed, dressed in her bowling clothes, and went to the bowling alley.

Several lanes were in use at the bowling alley but Erin didn’t really care where she was assigned. She just wanted to throw something heavy at something that made a lot of noise. Frustrations. She picked up her score sheet and shoes, then went to the area where she knew there was a ball that was decent for her to use.

She set the ball in the ball rack and sat to pull on her shoes, then lined up for her first throw. She took a breath and relaxed. Five steps and release. The ball sailed down the lane, nearly in the right gutter but curving directly into the pocket. Strike!

“Wow!” said the bowler in the lane next to her.

“First frame luck,” she laughed, turning to him.

They both stopped and stared.

“Jerry?”

“Maizie?”

“How...?”

“Why...?”

“Do you...?”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean...”

“It’s okay. I mean...”

Both stood and just stared for a moment.

“Um ... Hi! Fancy meeting you here,” Erin said.

“I didn’t think I’d see anyone I knew at this hour,” he responded.

“I’m not stalking you. I just couldn’t sleep tonight and needed to hear some pins fall.”

“Sure. I didn’t think you were. I mean ... I’m not either. Stalking, I mean.”

“Do you ... um ... come here often?” she asked.

“No. I’ve never been here. Well, I mean, not since I was in my teens. Not in a long time.”

“How strange that we both show up at one o’clock in the morning,” she said.

“I didn’t mean to run into you, but you’re why I’m here.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, I knew you bowled. I mean, you’ve talked about your league and team. And I thought ... Oh, geez!”

“Jerry, what is it? I was inspirational in getting you out for some exercise?”

“Inspiration. Yeah. Um ... I wanted to ask you out and I tried to think of something you’d enjoy. So, I thought I’d try bowling to see if I could do it without making a fool of myself so I could ask you out sometime to go bowling,” he explained. He was blushing brightly and went to the bench to sit with his head in his hands.

“Jerry, that’s sweet. In fact, it’s very thoughtful. Thank you. I mean, we’re here and each have a lane with pins set up, we might as well use them. Maybe we can talk between frames. You know?”

“That’s kind of what I thought we might do if we were on a date. I don’t mean to force you into thinking we are on a date. I just ... Yeah. I’d like that.”

“How did you first get interested in bowling?” Jerry asked. “It doesn’t seem like the kind of game a high-powered executive up north would be into.”

“I guess that’s true in part. But I went to college in Ohio. I don’t mean to be derogatory, but it was very working class. I think that the enjoyment of simple activities extends through all labor classes. And I’m a little competitive. Having something that I could compete with helped me deal with the stress and frustrations of college,” Maizie said.

“I understand that. When I look down the lane, I can see certain faces on each pin. I don’t care if I get a strike. I just want to hit as many of those people as possible,” Jerry laughed.

“You found me out. That’s why I got up in the middle of the night and came to the alley. I just wanted to hit something with a heavy ball.”