Chapter 3: To be, or not to be

BOB

I know Shakespeare was talking about suicide but most of the speech applies equally to divorce. Helen and I had supported each other for twenty-six years and raised three kids to adulthood. We are not special in any way: we both have faults. Our relationship was not without friction, especially during our courtship. We soon realized that the only person you can change is yourself. If I found fault with Helen, I had to ask myself if I was better off with her than without her. If I wanted to keep her, and I did, then I had to change to accept her, faults and all.

At the start of the holiday, I thought we were going through just another period of adjustment. We have been through many of these over the years. It took me months to adjust to the thrusting career woman that Helen became after almost fifteen years of being mum. Helen took rather longer to accept the change when my ambition dried up. It’s been more than ten years after all.

She hadn’t said anything for years and I assumed she was fully aboard until I told her that I had turned down a pressing offer of promotion. The chairman threatened to sack me if I didn’t accept the new position and I told him to go ahead. After several weeks of brinkmanship, he backed off. Helen went ballistic when I told her the story after everything was settled to my satisfaction.

I assumed she had finally accepted my position until she became involved with Roderick, the barrister who mouthed her words in crown court. He was suave and has a hypnotic speaking voice but he’s hollow. It was Helen who discovered the facts and wrote the words that he used to sway judge and jury. Now it appears she’s falling for another man of straw in Paul. Jumping into the water to save her seems to be the only worthwhile thing he has ever done – and even then he screwed it up.

He fell out with friends on a holiday to the island, deciding to remain when they returned to Emgalnd. Since then, he has lived in a shelter provided for road workers. It has no power or running water, never having been intended for human occupation. He has done odd jobs in hotels and on building sites to survive. The islanders are tolerant, having dealt with migrants of this nature since prehistoric times. What turned everyone against Paul was his attempt to seduce fourteen- and fifteen-year-old boys. Agamemnon teaches these kids: he took Paul aside and dissuaded him.

No children were harmed because of Ag’s early intervention, but that meant that no crime had been committed. The authorities had no legal reason to arrest or deport Paul.

Helen slept through the night. After I had finished my social duties at the disastrous lunch, I stayed with her, opting for a room service dinner. She woke about six, remembering enough to be ashamed of her conduct. I couldn’t assure her that no one had noticed but she did accept that we all understood that it was a reaction to her near-death experience. Nonetheless, she opted for breakfast in our room, and she urged me to arrange for our return home as soon as possible.

I had made some enquiries, so I was able to get us two seats on a plane to Heathrow that afternoon at two. That flight would land at about five, UK time. Doctor Eli visited, which gave me the chance to seek out the manager and Agamemnon. We left the hotel quietly without fuss or more acclaim. Helen apologized to the manager, but I think she was relieved to find the two German couples were on an excursion. We arranged for bouquets to be left in their rooms.

On the flight, we had a family meeting once we reached cruising height. I explained in detail what had happened after she was carried away by the current, finishing with the parts of the lunch that she had missed. “I know he did save my life,” Helen mused, “But I must say I’m disappointed with Paul. I’m not unfamiliar with hangovers after representing so many drunks in magistrates’ court, but he really went way over the top. I think he may have been sensitive to Ag’s obvious disapproval.”

I was heartened by her analysis as well as her decision to return home. I had been with her for most of the time since lunch the day before and when I was absent, she was with Eli. She made no effort to contact Paul. He had been assisted out of the hotel after Helen left the table. (The two barmen who had helped with the rescue carried him out and handed him over to the tourist police.) I did not risk stirring things up by asking her anything further about her Greek god; she had noted his feet of clay and that was enough for the moment.

Helen then wanted to know what we should tell the children if anything. I had to reveal that her exploits had been on the news at home, so the kids knew the whole story. I had spoken to the girls, who were amused more than anything else. Robin was at CERN, but Mavis had spoken to him, and he had laughed at his adventurous mum. I didn’t mention that there was a possibility that Mavis would be waiting for us when we landed. I had sent her our flight number while Helen was in the loo at the airport.

Helen sat quietly for some time, so I thought she had fallen asleep. Her ordeal took a lot more out of her than either of us had realized. I sat reflecting how proud I was of her. Not only had she survived an ordeal that would have killed most folk, she was the mother of three adult children and a rising star in her profession. It’s no wonder that she is considering trading me in for an improved model. Except, Roderick Graham was much worse than me and, I strongly suspect, Paul Meadows is even worse.

“I made an ass of myself over Roddy, didn’t I?” I can’t tell you how often that has happened in the thirty years we have been together: one of us thinks something and the other brings it up in conversation. It’s as if our minds run in parallel, synchronized. “You didn’t recognize his beard,” I chuckled. She looked puzzled so I explained that we all use disguises behind which we hide our true character. Graham is handsome and articulate, hiding the fact that he is arrogant and completely self-absorbed.

“But you saw through him straight away.” I pointed out that both of our daughters also spotted the fake. “That won’t happen ever again,” Helen said, leaning over and pulling my head round so she could kiss me on the lips. I often think that karma is reading a script: ‘Enter stewardess, stage right, with drinks.’ After the girl left us, we talked about our plan for the four days left of our interrupted holiday. It wasn’t until we were at the baggage claim that Helen resumed.

“At least I know now how to spot a beard,” she whispered. We walked through the green customs channel before I answered. “You’ve learned to spot one kind of fake, but have you learned to listen to your family?” I don’t think she heard all of that since we walked into the arrivals hall while I was speaking to be met by two screaming girls – Mavis and Sky. As they ran towards us, I could see Robin quietly smiling in the background. The last time we were all together was at Christmas.

Robin had flown in earlier from Geneva and planned to spend the night with us before going back to his flat in Edinburgh. Mavis and Sky were joining us for the evening. It took five minutes and a lot of discussion to plan the next few hours. Helen and the kids drove together in Mavis’ BMW (Her treat to herself when she started work), while I travelled alone in the little Fiesta I normally used to commute to work. I stopped to load up with Chinese takeaway before we met at home.

I missed the first telling of the epic tale of our holiday, of course, but I enjoyed the reprise and, particularly, the extensive question and answer session. At some point, it was revealed that their prim and proper mum entered the water topless and arrived back on dry land without her bikini bottoms. “No wonder your Greek god wanted to share body heat,” Sky remarked. “He was a perfect gentleman, Helen replied, adding “At that time,” when she caught my eye. The girls decided to stay the night, a decision forced on them after the third bottle of wine.

Mavis and Helen went off together to discuss a legal matter that was troubling our eldest, leaving Sky, Robin and me alone together. “Is this Paul guy another Roddy?” Sky asked. I think my expression gave all the answers she needed. “What’s wrong with the woman? She’s got the best man in the world, so why is she sniffing around others?” It was Robin who replied. “She underestimates dad – she always has. She’s so close to him that she sees every flaw – like me getting close enough to you to see your spots,” he laughed at his sister, dodging the right hook she swung at him.

The following morning, the kids set off early. The plan was to drop Robin at the station, Sky at her college and Mavis could then return to her office after lunch. Helen came down to see them off but after breakfast she returned to bed saying she was happy to be home but still feeling the effect of her immersion. Five minutes later she called me from our bedroom. I finished my second cup of coffee and went upstairs to see what she needed.

She was sitting up in bed with the top sheet tucked under her armpits “I’m not sleepy, Bob,” she told me in her most sultry voice. “Can you think of anything else I can do in bed?” she added letting the sheet drop to confirm that she was naked at least as far as her navel. By that time, I had removed my shirt and was fumbling with my belt. Over the years we have developed an instinct for the needs of the other in bed.

There are times when we are like a summer storm, brief but fierce. At other times we lie skin to skin from toe to mouth, barely moving, like dusk settling softly at the end of a warm summer day. Of course, that frequently is no more than the prelude to more active coupling ending in sweaty satisfaction. There are times, however, when sleep softly enfolds us while we cuddle. On this day we covered the whole gamut.

I got up at about six to make sandwiches and heat soup which I served in bed. At about two in the morning, we went down to the kitchen together to make cocoa. Our sex life returned to a level last enjoyed many years ago. Parents can’t always maintain the highest levels of romance. Now we had rediscovered the freedom we had before Mavis made her appearance.

The issues that had divided us before the holiday had not, however, been resolved. We appeared to be back to where we were before Helen became so involved in her career, but there was still something preventing us from closing the gap. It was more a feeling than anything else – I certainly couldn’t give an example. I had a feeling that there was a crisis waiting for us in the future.

What I did not know was that the tidal rip that pulled Helen away acted like yeast on the dough of the Costain family. It was almost a year before the effects became apparent.

MAVIS on behalf of THE CHILDREN

On the way to the station, the morning after the reunion, we talked about mum and dad. We usually divide, Sky firmly in dad’s corner, while Robin and I back mum. This time we all agreed that mum had taken a wrong turn somewhere. I wondered out loud if we should become involved, only to be shouted down by the other two. “It’s time we grew up and took responsibility,” Robin asserted. “Face it, girls, our parents are great but they’re not perfect. When we were young, they patiently showed us how to deal with life. We agree that there’s something wrong with mum and we’re the only ones who can fix it.”

I changed direction, driving us to my flat where we thrashed out our plan. It took all afternoon and most of the evening, but we reached agreement in the end. Sky shared my bed, while Robin slept on the floor covered in the curtains waiting to be hung in the living room – I only had enough bedding for one bed. Robin was expecting to enter a lean spell so he would travel to the island to talk to the people who had witnessed mum’s adventure.

My job was to approach mum to try to get her to open up. It appeared to us that she had stopped respecting dad and was looking for another man to replace him in her life. Sky thought it was sexual since she had read a magazine article which said that women approaching the menopause often went nuts for strange sex. Robin and I thought the problem was related to mum’s rapidly developing career; she seemed to think she was leaving dad in her wake.

Sky’s role was to distract dad while we went to work on mum. As it happened, her intervention had the biggest impact.

HELEN

A near-death experience is enlightening. I arrived on the island thinking I had grown out of my need for Bob. At some point, I realized that I had totally discounted his virtues and concentrated on his faults. His remarks about Roddy Graham on the flight home made me think very carefully. I had assumed that Roddy had all of Bob’s good qualities, only to discover that the man was a complete fraud not fit to tie Bob’s shoelaces.