Chapter 74: You're Punishing Yourself

January 26, 1990, McKinley, Ohio

"So, about that fantasy..." Kellie teased when we had a moment alone in the lounge early on Friday morning.

I chuckled, "This is where, if I were the typical Resident, I'd say that I'd tell you if you agreed to fulfill it!"

"And if you weren't married, I'd insist on it!" Kellie said with a twinkle in her eye.

"In all honesty, I actually don't have any specific fantasies," I replied. "I actually never did, unless you consider being happily married and having a family as a fantasy."

"That actually doesn't surprise me," Kellie replied. "Nor does the revelation that the threesome wasn't your thing."

"Out of curiosity..."

"No. It's a two-person sport! But SO many guys have that fantasy. It seemed like every guy I dated dreamed of having one. I'm curious, but if you weren't interested, why seek one?"

I chuckled, "You missed the fact that the girls accosted ME!"

"From any other guy, I'd say you were bragging, but again, that fits!"

"Time for you to fess up — are you seeing anyone seriously?"

"Bobby Murphy introduced me to John Tracy, a lieutenant at Station 4. We've been out a few times."

"The firemen all seem like good guys," I said. "During my ride-along shifts, I didn't meet a single one I didn't like."

"Doctor Mike?" Jenny called out from the door to the lounge. "We're ready to present in Exam 1."

"Be right there!"

She left, Kellie and I exchanged a quick, chaste hug, and I went to Exam 1 to do a bit of doctoring before starting morning interviews. The patient was suffering from gallstones, but it wasn't surgical, so I called for a Medicine consult, and unsurprisingly, Clarissa showed up ten minutes later. She examined the patient, and after a discussion, we agreed to discharge the patient with a referral to his personal physician.

"Can you take some extra time at lunch today?" I asked. "Maybe ten minutes to meet someone?"

"Who?"

"You'll see!"

"Ooh, a mystery!" Clarissa smirked.

"See you for lunch at noon!"

She left, and I conducted evaluations with my students, who both scored slightly above average on the new system, then spent the following forty-five minutes caring for patients before I had to head upstairs to interview candidates for emergency medicine. Three of the four candidates were what I would call average and scored between 30 and 40. The fourth candidate, Erik Hubbard, was a local student who had his Sub-I in the ED when Clarissa had served her time. He had a letter of recommendation from Alana Pace, and we all scored him in the mid-40s.

"What's the big secret?" Clarissa asked as we went up to the Critical Care Unit.

"You'll see," I said.

We walked into the ward, and I saw Jessica's mom sitting with her.

"Doctor Clarissa Saunders, please meet Jessica Melbourne, née Glazer. Jessica, my closest friend and confidante, Doctor Saunders."

"Nice to meet you," Clarissa said.

"And you, Doctor."

Jessica knew what was up, and the timing was key, as at the end of the day, she'd be moved to a bed in Internal Medicine, and my chance to mess with Clarissa might have disappeared.

"Jessica, do you mind if Clarissa examines your right bicep?"

"Not at all, Doctor."

"What's going on, Petrovich?"

"Examine Jessica's arm and see if you can figure it out."

Clarissa did and looked confused.

"A scar from an injury that happened at least ten years ago."

"Sixteen years and nine months, to be exact," I said.

Clarissa looked at me, cocked her head, then smiled.

"No way!" she exclaimed. "The girl from fourth grade?"

"Yes! She came into the ED by ambulance on Saturday when I was on shift."

"He's saved my daughter's life twice now," Mrs. Glazer said.

Clarissa shook her head, "Only you, Petrovich!"

"Why do you call him that?" Jessica asked.

"Mike is half-Russian, and his name in Russian is Mikhail Petrovich. Friends call each other by the patronymic — their middle name. I started calling him that years ago."

"Ask her where she works," I prompted Clarissa.

Jessica laughed, "P&G. I'm in marketing."

"And, of course, you work with Sheila Nixon, right?"

"Yes. I've even met Mike's godson, though I didn't know it at the time."

"It really is a small world," Mrs. Glazer observed.

"Jessica, you'll see Clarissa — Doctor Saunders — when you move to Internal Medicine later this afternoon. She'll take very good care of you, and she'll let me know when you're going to be discharged so I can come to say 'goodbye'. I'll check on you once or twice before then."

"Thanks so much, Mike!" Jessica exclaimed.

"Thank you, Mike," Mrs. Glazer said.

Clarissa and I left, and I walked her back to Internal Medicine.

"How did you recognize her?" Clarissa asked.

"I don't know, really. When they said her married name, it didn't mean anything, but there was this idea floating in my mind. Suddenly, in the elevator on the way to surgery, I had a revelation and asked the nurse to check Jessica's arm. That's when I knew who she was. I recognized her parents when they came in, of course."

"I can always count on something weird with you, Petrovich!"

"You love me anyway, Lissa!"

"It's actually one of the reasons I love you! It's always interesting! Not something I could say during our first year together at Taft."

"Ancient history at this point," I said. "Sorry to run, but I have interviews to conduct."

We hugged, and I left Medicine and headed to the conference room.

January 28, 1990, McKinley, Ohio

On Sunday, we attended Matins and the Divine Liturgy at the Cathedral in Columbus, then headed straight from there to Saint Michael the Archangel for Lara and Nathan's wedding.

"I meant to ask," Kris said, "but how is your friend from fourth grade?"

"She was moved to a bed in Internal Medicine on Friday afternoon. She's under Clarissa's care, so she might be in for a long stay!"

Kris laughed, "You two can be as bad as you and Liz!"

"Worse! And Lara and I are like that as well, but I don't see her very often because I'm working so much, and she's teaching full-time."

"Jesting with girls does seem to be a pattern for you!"

I nodded, "Nancy, Emmy, Melody, and Tasha as well. Not to mention some nurses."

"Nancy was your first college girlfriend, right?"

"Yes. I learned a lot from that relationship. I think I'd call it my first adult romantic relationship. Ultimately, it failed. In a weird twist, both Nancy and Jessica were hurt the same way at the same place — T-boned at that light on 23 just north of the hospital. I don't think I mentioned Nancy by name — she was the emergency surgery where I was allowed to scrub in. But remember, you can never say anything."

Kris' severe aversion to secrets had led me to be a bit more forthcoming about my work, though I usually avoided names. In Jessica's case, I hadn't, as Kris would meet her eventually. And that had led to using Nancy's name. But those were exceptions.

"May I say that I very much appreciate that you set aside your rule for me? And you know I would never say anything."

"I know," I replied, "though we do have to be careful of the self-portable tape recorder we have with us."

Kris laughed, "She does like to repeat things she's heard, and without context, they can be very amusing!"

"Or embarrassing! We've been lucky so far."

"Do you mean me?" Rachel asked from the backseat.

"Yes," I chuckled.

"Mama said never say anything about people Papa helps at the hospital."

"You're a good girl, Rachel," I said.

"I know!" she giggled.

"We're doomed," I said sotto voce to Kris, who simply laughed.

We arrived at Saint Michael the Archangel at the same time as Chris, Tasha, and Larisa, and the two girls began chattering as soon as they were out of the cars.

"We have news, Mischa!" Tasha said happily.

"Congratulations! When?"

"Around the first week in August!"

"Well, then you and Kris need to agree on who has the boy and who has the girl, and we'll have them betrothed the same day yours is baptized!"

Tasha laughed, "That would have been something my dad would have tried if it were possible!"

"According to Tasha, he had you two fitted for crowns when she was fourteen!" Chris said.

"And Mischa didn't even know!" Tasha said with a laugh. "He was afraid of me!"

"Nothing personal, Mike," Chris said, "but I'm glad that didn't happen!"

I looked at Tasha, smirked, and said, "Me, too!"

"YOU!" Tasha exclaimed. "You can be such a little boy!"

"No kidding!" Kris exclaimed. "All men are little boys in adult bodies! All of them!"

"So sue us," Chris chuckled. "Shall we go into the church? Our daughters are already at the doors."

They'd taken off immediately after they'd started chattering as Rachel had seen Abby with Joel, Milena, Anicka, and Derek. All of us made our way into the narthex, and about fifteen minutes later, the combined betrothal and crowning service began. It was, without variation, identical to every other one I'd witnessed, save the names of the bride and groom.

When the ceremony ended, there was a reception in the parish hall, and I took the opportunity to greet Lara's parents and their spouses, whom I hadn't seen in quite some time. I also finally met Kaitlin, Lara's friend from Pennsylvania, whom Lara had suggested as a playmate during our purely hedonistic period.

Kaitlin was taller than Lara but had a nearly identical build, with long black hair and brown eyes that twinkled when we were introduced. There was no doubt in my mind she'd have been a lot of fun, but I was also positive Lara and I had made the right decision in choosing to forego that encounter.

The formal reception was held at the Country Club, with the entire space rented by Lara's stepdad after I had put him in touch with Viktor. It was Winter, so there were no golfers, and thus, the reception didn't interfere with the normal operation of the club. I had to be careful with the vodka toasts, taking just one tiny sip for the first one. After the meal, the dance floor opened, and I danced with Kris, then Rachel, then a few of the girls from Saint Michael, and finally, with Lara.

"I'm very happy for you," I said.

"Thanks," Lara replied with a smile. "I saw you dance with a gaggle of girls. How many of those girls did you not sleep with?"

"You know the answer to that question as well as I do!" I chuckled.

"I noticed you didn't dance with Kaitlin!"

"Now you're just being a troublemaker, Mrs. Burke! And you'll notice how very proper my dances were."

"Including with Tasha!"

"Especially with Tasha. She's pregnant, by the way! Due in August."

"Awesome! I suspect Nathan and I will be in the family way by the end of the year. There's no point in waiting."

"Kris will call you, if she hasn't already, to invite the two of you to a dinner party on the 11th."

"I promise we'll be there!" Lara declared.

The song ended, she kissed me on my cheek, and I was immediately accosted by my daughter demanding another dance, though this time, I was ganged up on by Rachel, Abby, and Larisa. Chris received the same treatment, as did Joel, and when the girls were dancing with Joel, I asked Milena to dance.

"Having nightmares already?" she teased.

"If in twelve or thirteen years I were to meet those three as a teenaged Mike, I'd flee in sheer terror!"

Milena laughed, "And college Mike, too! My mistake was going down that path, but you helped me correct my course."

"As did you for me."

"And my mom!" Milena smirked.

I chuckled, "That was actually the least important thing she did for me."

Milena laughed again, "That was for her, not you!"

"True," I agreed. "How long are the leashes on the kids?"

"We have to let them live their lives, Mike, just as we did. All we can do is provide guidance. They'll make mistakes, just as we did, but they'll all turn out to be wonderful young women."

"That doesn't make it easier," I said.

"I don't think any dad is ever completely comfortable with his daughter's intimate relationships."

"Of that, I'm certain."

We finished our dance, and I asked Kris to dance when I heard the first notes of Just the Way You Are, which was 'our' song. We danced quietly, and when the song ended, she whispered, "Ask Lyudmila to dance. You'll make her day!"

"So long as you're OK with it."

"Of course! I'm neither worried nor jealous! I have you, she knows it, and more important, YOU know it!"

I laughed, "Good point!"

I asked Lyudmila to dance, and she smiled brightly as I led her out to dance.

"So," she smirked, "did you figure out who the better sister is?"

"You know there's only one possible answer for a married man to give! Especially if he values his life!"

"And his «яйца» (yaytsa)!" she teased. ("eggs", a euphemism for testicles)

"Did you ever approach Brett or Anthony at the Cathedral?" I asked.

"You knew?!"

"I know which guys never take their eyes off you and which ones you smile at! Ask Natalya Vasilyevna about how it was when I was seventeen and she was fourteen!"

"So, she was the one who scared you!"

"And she still does," I chuckled.

"You aren't really upset that I'm teaching Rachel to speak French, are you?"

"No, of course not. But that doesn't make you any less of a menace!"

"And yet, still the better sister!" she teased as the song ended.

We left the dance floor, and I returned to the table where my wife, Joel, Milena, Anicka, and Derek were sitting. My daughter and her friends were dancing together, shooing away any little boys who dared come close but allowing any girls who wanted to join them to stay.

"That won't last," I chuckled.

"I believe girls think boys are annoying at that age," Joel replied.

"That doesn't change when they get older!" Anicka teased, causing everyone to laugh.

"And yet, you love us anyway!"

"We do!" Kris, Milena, and Anicka declared.

January 31, 1990, Circleville, Ohio

"Korolyov-Loucks residence. Mike speaking," I said when I answered the phone early on Wednesday morning.

"Mike, it's Fran Mercer. Is this still a good time?"

"It is. I'm in my study, so I have privacy."

"Good. I think the first thing we should do is to have you catch me up on things. I hope you'll satisfy one curiosity, even if it's out of order — the prison visits?"

"It started with me visiting Frank Bush, the man who murdered my friend Lee. It's turned into a regular prison ministry, authorized by my bishop."

"I have to ask — why see him?"

"If you have to ask THAT, we need to start all over at the very beginning."

"I know the pat answer from you, Mike. I'm asking for a deeper answer. You have plenty of other opportunities to share your faith."

"You say that, but visiting those in prison is one of the differentiators between those who are saved and those who are damned. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a teenager, and Frank Bush provided me with the motivation to start now. If anyone needs the gospel, it's certainly him.

"It paid other dividends as well, as I was able to arrange proper medical treatment for a friend of his, as well as begin ministering to a Greek Orthodox man. And in a weird coïncidence, I remember you saying you treated a victim of the Seven Hills Rapist. I met his killer, Mark Stroll."

"That poor young woman has suffered another tragedy," Fran said. "About a month ago, her husband, an officer in the US Navy, was murdered."

"Lord, have mercy!" I exclaimed. "Kids?"

"One young son. Fortunately, she has very good support from her friends. She's a practicing psychologist."

"I know how bad it was for me, so I can relate."

"How many other men are you ministering to?"

"It's seven total," I replied. "We're arranging for a regular monthly Sunday service led by a deacon who can serve the Eucharist to the Greek man."

"What's he in for, if I might ask."

"Manslaughter. He killed someone in a bar fight. One of the others is in for the same thing for which Paul Reynolds was incarcerated, though his sentence is far longer. He's actually from the Cincinnati area."

"How are your sister and her husband doing?"

"Great. I know you'll object, but literally, everything Liz said about Paul was true. That doesn't excuse him cheating on his wife, but he's been very good to my sister and is a great dad to their son."

"Marrying your abuser is never a good idea."

"All things being equal, Liz never felt abused by Paul. I know what the law says, Fran; Paul paid the price for breaking it. Liz always maintained she loved him, and it's obvious he loves her. Whatever else might be true, they are happily married, work hard, and are excellent parents to my nephew."

"I'll leave that be because we're never going to agree."

"This is another one of those black-and-white issues for you," I said. "One thing that practicing medicine has driven home is that the entire world is shades of grey. Every person and every situation is unique. Yes, we have standard treatments, but we do not blindly administer them. There is no 'one size fits all' answer to anything, with the sole exception of Rapid Sequence Intubation. Let's agree to disagree and switch to another coïncidence — the girl whose life I saved presented in the ED after a rollover MVA. I saved her a second time."

"Your life is very strange, Mike."

I chuckled, "That is exactly what Clarissa would say — one of those 'only Mike' things, like making an emergency landing in a helicopter returning from Ohio State because of an engine failure."

"That must have been frightening!"

"It was. The nurse who was with me served in the Navy, and I don't think she blinked or had her pulse rise at all. She calmly said, 'We have two engines' while my medical student had a panic attack, and I nearly wet my pants!"