Chapter 6: Transference: What’s That?

The first day of Summer Vacation.

Despite his father’s mandate to get up early and find a summer job, Evan rolled on his back and stuffed another pillow under his head. It was the first day of the summer that he had expected to be the greatest in the history of all summers. He should have woken up excited, thinking about driving Dale Davis’s race car and Cindy letting him drive during track packing and hot laps. Instead, his first waking thought was: Why the hell did I kiss Deana?

His intention had been good, wanting to help Deana put things in perspective, make her forget about the tumbler, and distract her from all the crazy thoughts she was freaking over. Or had his motivating force been something else?

Seeing Deana kiss Rebecca on her front lawn made Evan’s body respond physically. Why wouldn’t it? Two girls making out was erotic. Was that true, even if one was your sister? Evan didn’t have a clue what a normal boy would think about their sister making out with her friend or why his emotional response was so powerful, but he knew as soon as he got home what he would be doing.

Instead of going straight into the bathroom for a pair of Deana’s panties, Evan somehow ended up at the kitchen sink, in hot water before he had a chance to understand what was going on. The truth was, if his mother’s ass hadn’t turned him from his course of action, Evan would have emptied his balls in Deana’s underwear, and his guilt would have prevented him from understanding anyway.

The next day in his car, while Deana told him about her and Rebecca, Evan’s porn brain spun images of Deana and Rebecca naked, doing sexual things, but his heart experienced the same conflicting emotional turmoil as the day before. He continued listening to his sister, trying to think of a way to help her—make Deana feel better. The thought came from his lips before Evan knew he was thinking it. Deana’s next words were a blur because all he could think about was how he had offered to kiss her. It wasn’t planned, and as far as Evan knew, he had no intention of actually doing it.

When Deana’s puckered lips approached his cheek, he blinked and saw Rebecca kissing Deana. He turned his lips to meet Deana’s because he was jealous and wanted to know what Rebecca had felt. It was incredible how fast the kiss changed from funny to amazing, and just as quickly, it became weird. When his sister fell back on the seat, Evan saw something in her eyes. It was a gaze he hadn’t seen for a long time, but he recognized it, then pretended he hadn’t seen it. The awkwardness that followed made Evan drive away from that shady spot on the dirt road, quickly changing the focus of their conversation to Gloria and their mother.

Then, at the top of the basement stairs, Deana kissed him, and Evan saw it again. It wasn’t just in his sister’s eyes; he saw it in her heart and felt Deana the way they used to feel each other. One stupid kiss had resurrected something Evan had worked so hard to kill.

They were everything to each other, had always spent all their time together, and even shared a room until they were seven. By sixth grade, the first year they weren’t in the same classroom, their innate love for each other had developed to the point where Evan knew if Deana was crying. He’d find her at recess and hold his sister’s hand to make her feel better. Twins share a special bond, but theirs was compounded by their mother’s death. It was like the spirit of their mother’s love filled them and fused their loving hearts. Nothing could keep them apart. The kids at school talked about how close they were, but Evan didn’t understand enough to know why he should care.

It wasn’t long before Evan understood. Before puberty, the signals he got from Deana made it clear how much she loved him. He loved her the same way, or at least that’s what he thought. One day, everything changed when he yanked Deana’s towel off the way he had done plenty of times before, but his sister didn’t chase him, and Evan didn’t run. The image of Deana’s naked body went into his eyes, through his brain, and straight to his penis. That was the day Evan first tried masturbating but only got a sore arm.

The first time his furious stroking finally produced something besides a full body quiver, he came out of the bathroom, and Deana was standing there. She knew what he had been doing. Evan saw it on her face, felt it inside, and his embarrassment blazed on his cheeks. Deana giggled and told him it was okay, then she hugged him. He liked how she felt, the warmth she created inside his body, and Evan didn’t want to let go. It was the same girl, using the same arms, pressing the same body against his, but now he knew—he realized his love had changed, grown deeper, and demanded more.

Evan hugged Deana more often and held hands more. Before he woke her up for school, he watched his sister sleep, fighting the urge to kiss her. They had always shared everything, so why not continue in that vein?

One day, while reading the Bible, Evan found the story of Lot and his daughters. In the story, they waited for darkness, went into Lot’s tent, and had sex with their father without him knowing it was them. The story excited Evan, and he started thinking about getting Deana to read it without being too forward. Fortunately, before Evan got very far with his plans, he learned that sex with a blood relative was one of the “Thou shall not...” that sent you to hell.

Evan couldn’t do that to his sister; he loved her too much, but how could he keep such a powerful desire at bay? Lusting for your former babysitter, even if she became your stepmother, had to be better than being in love with your sister. When Candy was just their babysitter, Evan loved her, and she paid special attention to him. “You’re my little man, Evan, I’ll always love you,” Candy would tell him. He was too young at first to know, but as soon as Evan was old enough to understand there was a difference between boys and girls, he knew Candy was beautiful. Even before puberty, looking at Candy made Evan feel something, and that made it easy for him when he needed to redirect the desires that accompanied his erections. Candy seemed to appreciate his attention, and they grew even closer.

Eventually, Evan stopped looking at Deana while she slept, stopped holding her hand, and tried to avoid her when she was in a towel. Candy, the babysitter, became the new person in his masturbatory fantasies, and Evan’s feelings started to change. Before he knew it, he was in love with Candy, and the evil things Evan wanted to do with Deana went away. Candy was an adult and mother, so it was a harmless fantasy. Nothing could ever really happen, and Evan would grow out of it soon enough.

Actually, he wouldn’t. When Candy was their babysitter, and he was a boy, Evan’s affection and attention toward her were acceptable. Maybe his changing love made him want to be around Candy more, sit closer to her on the couch, and touch her more often, but nothing had changed in Evan’s mind. His father saw things differently. It wasn’t apparent to Evan at first. The “Go fetch me...” trips that Evan returned from to find his father had taken his spot next to Candy on the couch could have been nothing. Even all that stuff about not going in Candy’s room could have been normal. What wasn’t, and sent a clear message to Evan, was his father cracking him in the head for calling her Candy while rubbing her shoulders. Candy tried to take up for him, but his father silenced her with a look and took her to their room.

Then, one day, everything changed again. He lost his cherry to one of Cindy’s friends at the racetrack and realized having sex was light years beyond imagining it, so Evan pursued girls instead of fantasizing about the woman he couldn’t have. He had girlfriends, played baseball, raced go-carts, and followed Cindy’s racing career. All his problems were solved, and everything had been going along just fine. What happened?

Evan huffed and swung his legs off the bed. He’d loved Deana and Candy inappropriately, and it had broken his heart when he realized he could never have either of them the way he wanted them. He pictured his mother’s amazing breasts swishing side-to-side under her loose blouse and relived the sensual hand washing, pictured Candy laying on her bed, and imagined sliding inside her body.

The memory of Deana’s legs locked around his, pulling him between her thighs, and the way she looked into his eyes as her lips connected with his made Evan shiver. His sister’s passionate kisses were an incredible force that would be impossible to forget without a more powerful distraction. He needed to do something drastic to keep himself safe. His heart couldn’t handle being broken again and again, which is what would happen if things kept going the way they were. He could never have Candy; she was Mom now. Even if Deana shared his feelings, they could never have a relationship—not the kind Evan wanted.

Rebecca had put her fat pussy on display for his personal viewing. She was interested in him, and the covert nature of fucking Deana’s best friend would be a huge distraction. Evan got out of bed and started planning it while he got dressed.

Downstairs, a newspaper was opened to the help wanted section on the kitchen table. Evan glanced at it and considered that looking for a job, then headed out the back door. It wasn’t that Evan didn’t want to work; he’d always been a hard worker and liked earning his own money, but Evan needed some Cindy time.

Cindy was older and drove a race car, so Evan idolized her, but it was more than that. His cousin could do all the things he wanted to do before Evan could, like driving, but Cindy never had a big head about it. She took him under her wing and made Evan feel older than he was. When Cindy was sixteen, his cousin took him to the movies with her friends. She was a goddess with a car, like a grownup who didn’t treat him like a kid.

Evan didn’t know what had changed, but his father had been making it progressively more difficult for him to spend time with Cindy at the racetrack, and she never came to their house anymore. Maybe it was because Cindy raced, or it could have been Aunt Julia was still mad at his dad for not making them go to church. A lot had changed since Evan started high school, but until now, he hadn’t realized it. Having forts in the woods, playing ball, and riding bikes was a simple, uncomplicated life that didn’t lend itself to questions like, “Why isn’t Mom taking us to church anymore?”

His father had told Evan, “You’re not spending the whole summer hanging around that race track with your cousin...” How dare he try and take that away? His father’s trip to China couldn’t have come at a better time. It was Cindy’s last summer racing, and she’d go to college before the season ended. Fuck him, Evan thought as he got on I-10 east. Cindy time would make him feel better.

Jason’s House

For Jason, what should have been the glorious first day of summer vacation started with a groan. He couldn’t wake up or go back to sleep. For at least an hour, he’d resisted both, flip-flopping from wanting to get his day started and wanting to find deep sleep. When he tried to get up, his brain told him he was too tired, yet when he resigned to sleep, there was only half sleep. His body ached from laying on the bed too long, so he said, “Fuck it,” and threw his legs off the bed. He moaned and sat up on the edge of the bed. It felt cold, but his sack was long, and his testicles hung over the side of the mattress with his cock lying between them. It had been too hot under the covers. He leaned forward and rubbed his face.

Something has to change, Jason told himself. The night before, he caught Becky going from the bathroom to her bedroom without anything on. She said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were up,” as if that made it alright. Of course, that sent him to bed hard with a mind full of fantasies, again. He knew imagining such things was dangerous, but Jason couldn’t make it stop. Their past was gasoline, and Becky kept throwing matches. Jason decided it had to be his sister because he hadn’t suddenly started noticing Becky because Evan mentioned Deana’s panties. The only way to survive the summer with his promise intact would be to put a stop to Becky’s “Oops” moments.

If their mother hadn’t been home the previous night, Jason might have bent Becky over the bathroom sink and stuck his dick in her, or at least tried. That was the one thing they had never been able to do, except in his dreams. In the dream he had the previous night, Becky dropped the spoon, and he rammed his cock into her. Their mother was screaming, “Jason, stop fucking your sister,” but he didn’t, and Becky kept saying, “No, Mom, not yet, I have to cum first.” That sounded like something his sister would say.

He couldn’t let any of his dreams come true, so Jason got up and went to find Becky. He’d tell her, “You have to stop flashing me, or else...” Or else, what? Jason didn’t know, and that scared him.

Becky couldn’t be found, and his mother was at work, so Jason had the house to himself. The feelings that came with being home alone didn’t support his mission. If his sister hadn’t ruined masturbating for him, he could shoot a load on his mother’s chair, and that would extinguish the fire burning in his balls.

Like the rest of Becky’s room, her bed was a disheveled mess. Jason looked at Papa, the bear he’d won for her, face down where his sister had been the last time he was in her room. Returning to the scene of the crime wasn’t wise, yet Jason stood in the exact location. The carpet under his feet made his dick swell. He could see Becky’s mound of chestnut fur in his mind. If she was there now, Jason knew blowing his load on the floor wouldn’t be enough.

Jason picked up his sister’s pillow and pressed his face into it. Becky’s scent connected his current brain to his brain three years ago. All his senses, desires, and passions from back then became his current state of mind. His penis needed room to grow, so he pulled his zipper down. His cock fell, bounced, and continued to straighten and rise.

It certainly wasn’t the evilest thing Jason could think of, but it would earn him a trip to the shrink if he got caught in the act. He put Papa on top of Becky’s pillow, face down, ass up, slid his hard-on between them, and grabbed the bear’s stubby legs, pulling them to create more friction. In his mind, Jason was holding his sister’s pigtails, pushing his cock into Becky’s face. She was doing what she couldn’t the last time he tried; his sister took him down her throat.

The fur and the pillow felt better than Jason had imagined, so he continued fucking Becky’s bear in the ass. Getting off on her carpet might have gone unnoticed, but shooting a load on her pillow and beloved teddy bear wouldn’t. He’d pull out just like he used to promise Becky if she let him put it inside her. Fortunately, her tiny pussy hole never yielded to his dick knob, so she never had anything to worry about. Papa wouldn’t be so lucky. Even after Jason realized it was happening, he kept thrusting. Friction was replaced by a warm slippery pleasure, and he knew Evan imagined fucking his sisters while emptying his load in their underwear. Becky’s pillow was her throat, taking his cum.

It sure would have been easier to hide the evidence if he’d cum in Becky’s panties. Too bad Becky rarely wore any.

At the race shop, the smell of fuel, oil, and rubber made Evan forget about his problems for the first thirty minutes. Then, Cindy pulled a Deana and asked him what was troubling him. His cousin might have been worse than Deana about reading his mind. Evan couldn’t let Cindy know what his father told him, and there was no way he would mention the situation with Deana, so he considered telling her about his mother. When he played the conversation in his mind, it started, “I want to fuck your Uncle John’s wife so I don’t do anything with—” Evan decided against that and tried to explain his mood in a general, roundabout, plausible way. He told Cindy everything was changing so fast. Gloria was growing up, and his relationship with Deana was changing, too. Then he told her, “You’re giving up racing for psychology.” Cindy would definitely believe Evan was troubled about that.

Over the next hour, while doing stuff around the shop, Cindy proved psychology was a good career path. As she told him to stay with his dreams and work for them, it seemed like she knew things, knew his father was turning the screws. “No matter what or who tries to discourage you, keep going if it’s something you believe in,” Cindy said.

After lunch, Evan finally got to pick Cindy’s brain about the street stock cars and the drivers in that division. They talked about strategy for his upcoming race. Porn star was definitely Evan’s second choice; he loved racing. It was a good thing Gloria had a doubleheader because he wouldn’t make it back across the bay before her first game.

When Evan told Cindy he had to go, she faced him, put her hands on his shoulders, and inhaled deeply. Her hands moved inward to his neck, and those same black, penetrating eyes that Deana looked at him with, held Evan’s attention. Finally, Cindy spoke, “Evan, if there is anything else ... anything, you can talk to me ... in confidence.”

“No. Nothing. Everything is good,” he said.

“Is Deana okay?”

“Sure, she’s fine,” he said. “Got all A’s as usual.”

Evan left for Gloria’s game spooked, wondering if Cindy actually knew something. The look on her face said she did, but that wasn’t possible. He got back on I-10 going West and turned his attention to the tumbler, and how he was going to get her alone. Even if he didn’t get to fuck Rebecca, trying to would be dangerous fun and a great distraction.

At the ballpark, Evan spent time indulging Becky, and then he regressed to a younger version of himself, climbing the back of the bleachers. His mother and Miss Tonya were seated three rows from the top. He moved down and eased over until he was directly behind them. “Boo!” he said.

Miss Tonya jerked and squeaked with surprise. Candy said, “Some things never change. Not only did I hear you coming, but I expected it.”

“Darn,” he said.

“You could have warned me,” Miss Tonya said.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to spoil his fun,” Candy said. “He gets a thrill out of seeing me quiver and screech.”

Thrill and quiver, Evan thought. He didn’t like how his mother’s words made him feel and should have gone back to Becky instead of touching Candy’s back. She responded to his touch with a groan that encouraged him, so he skipped Candy’s shoulders and went to her lower back, rubbing outward and around her sides. On Miss Tonya, there might have been love handles, but his mother spent too much time working out. His hands slid over tight strands of muscle. He was obviously a glutton for punishment.

Suddenly, Evan was replaying those times he’d watched Candy exercise in a T-shirt tied under her breast, acting as a restraint for her melons. Her nipples always seemed to be hard back then. Man, he had a sexy babysitter. If he’d just been old enough while she was still Candy, the babysitter, then maybe they could have been lovers, and his father wouldn’t have gotten her.

Evan’s fucked up porn brain took him back to the kitchen sink and reminded him how her flesh globes felt on his arms, then flashed her pussy in front of his eyes, and he was holding his dick in her room. He continued rubbing Candy’s back, thinking about how much things had changed since that day. The fact that his mother didn’t know how he felt and probably hadn’t noticed his erection touching her was irrelevant. Evan felt like they had shared an intimate moment, and he hated himself for initiating the events that were leading him back down Heart Break road.

“Mmmm, you always know how to take care of my bleacher back,” Candy said.

His mother’s voice scared Evan. “It’s the least I can do to repay you for being my cheering section all those years.” She’s your mother, Evan told himself. Stop acting like she’s your Candy.

“Lucky you,” Miss Tonya said to Candy. “Evan, I was going to hire you to do some yard work ... but ... based on your mother’s face, I might be better off getting a massage.”

Miss Tonya was a thirty-something single mom with bleach-blonde hair, a chunky ass, and big tits. She was the mother of Jayda, one of the Softball Sisters. Miss Tonya was the type of woman who said the first thing that popped into her mind without filtering it. Evan imagined that she showed her tits at Mardi Gras parades, and he liked her because of that. Rubbing any part of her would be fun, but Evan didn’t take Miss Tonya seriously. “I’d be happy to do whatever you want. My father said I need to earn my own way this summer, whatever that means.”

“Well—” Miss Tonya started, but his mother looked at her, and she finished with, “I need some stuff planted, and my lawn needs to be mowed.”

“That’d be great,” he said. Maybe she’d let him plant the boner he was getting in her garden.

His mom said, “Evan, your sister is upset that you missed her first game.”

“I know, but I had—”

“I’m just warning you,” Candy said. “She played well, didn’t make any errors, and actually caught a pop-up.”

“In the outfield, I think it’s called a fly ball, Mom.”

“Don’t be smart, you know what I meant. Her next game starts soon, so why don’t you find her and make sure she knows you’re here. I think she’s over by the concession stand.”

There she goes again, Evan thought, making it sound like a request. “Okay,” he said and started down the bleachers.

Tonya waited until Evan reached the sidewalk before asking, “What was that all about?”

Tonya was the only friend Candy had who wasn’t one of John’s friends, and he didn’t like Candy spending time with Tonya except at the ballpark. Tonya didn’t like John at all. Candy glanced at her friend. “What?”

“What? For starters, why did you send Evan on a wild goose chase when he was practically giving you—”she lowered her voice—”an orgasm?”

“Tonya!”

“Don’t Tonya me,” she said. “I saw your face ... and then you sent him that way when you know Gloria is over there behind the dugout. What’s going on?”

It terrified Candy that Tonya saw it. “Nothing,” she said, “I just wanted to have adult time. I see the kids all the time.”

“Maybe you should have waited and married Evan?”

“Why would you even say something like that?”

“I’ve never seen John here rubbing your back or making you smile the way you smile whenever Evan comes around.”

“John has a company to run,” Candy said, crossing her arms over her chest. “He’s a boy, Tonya, just a boy.”

“He’s considered a man, at least as far as ... you know, the thing you’re interested in, and if you’re not, I am. He’s a hunk.”

Candy’s face flushed. “You’re unbelievable. What kind of person do you think I am? You have a daughter ... almost his age.”

“So,” Tonya said. “We started young, and we did what we needed to do for our daughters, but what about you. Do you ever get what you need? Are you happy? Have you gotten off lately ... I mean really had a good one?”

“Oh, my god, is that all you think about? I can’t believe you went there. I’m married! What am I gonna do, divorce him? Then what?”

“See, you’re not happy. Are you?”

Candy wanted to cry and tell her friend everything, but not even Tonya could know. If people really were as sick as their secrets, Candy was terminal.

Evan walked toward the concession stand, replaying the previous ten minutes. The feel of his mother’s body was still on his fingers and he realized how brazen he had been. Other than grabbing the ass meat that overhung the edge of the bleacher, there hadn’t been a more sensual place to lay his hands. He couldn’t believe he’d gone right back to her. Why was he acting that way?

When Evan couldn’t find Gloria at or around the concession stands, he went to the block building with the restrooms and ran into Abigail, one of Gloria’s teammates. “Have you seen Gloria?”

Abigail said, “Yup.”

He frowned and said, “Can you tell me where?”

“Nope,” she said. “But you can look over there.” She pointed.

Kids, Evan thought and walked across the gravel parking lot toward the huge pile of dirt at the edge of the woods. He wondered if it was an endless supply of dirt because it had been there for as long as he could remember. It was the perfect place for kids to do things they didn’t want to be seen doing. A bucket loader had cut a cave into the backside of the pile. The crunch of gravel always alerted them to stop smoking, peeking at nude women, kissing, or worse, if you were lucky. Evan doubted he’d find his sister back there.

Evan stepped lightly and took a course that had more packed dirt than stones. Hushed voices made him slow. He climbed up the front side of the pile, hoping to catch someone doing something they weren’t supposed to do. Who didn’t like to do a little spying? One of the voices was familiar, but it wasn’t his sister’s. The voices went silent, and he stopped climbing.

New sounds came over the pile and made Evan’s curiosity grow. His pulse quickened. Something he needed to see was happening, so Evan held his breath and peeked over the top. It was Jayda; her back was to him, and she was squatting, sitting on her folded legs. At first, he thought Jayda was taking a piss, and that was something he might have been able to comprehend. Her pants were in a pile next to her, and her knees were spread wide. The scene became clearer, and Evan’s comprehension faded. The tail of Jayda’s softball shirt blocked his view of the face but not her body and legs. His little sister’s best friend was getting her pussy eaten out by another girl, practically in public.

Jayda whimpered as her fingers clutched her knees and her knuckles whitened. She started rocking, and the sounds she made weren’t anything Evan had associated with a girl his sister’s age. None of his girlfriends ever made that much noise. Then again, none of them ever rode his face behind the dirt pile like Jayda was thrashing on the other girl. She arched her back and increased the speed of her undulating pelvis.

The volume lowered, but the panting suck of air was frantic. Jayda stiffened and made a sound that Evan thought would have dogs howling. She went back and forth again before returning to rest on the girl’s face. For a quick second, he’d seen the other girl, but it wasn’t enough to identify her. Would he be relieved it wasn’t Gloria?

“I told you you could do it, and you did it ... did it great,” Jayda said.

The other girl said, “You gonna do me now?”

“I don’t have time before my game. Next time, I promise.”

For reasons Evan didn’t understand, he was embarrassed and didn’t want them to know he’d seen, so he backed down the hill and hurried away. Gloria wasn’t like that, Evan assured himself.

After Gloria’s game was over, the team huddled around the coach. Evan waited for the encouragement and instructions to finish. The coach made a point of praising his sister for “A one-hundred percent improvement.” She went on to say, “You did great. Keep it up.” He was proud.

When the coach said, “See you Friday at practice,” Gloria headed straight to him. Evan reached around and lifted her by the butt. She wrapped her legs and arms around him like a monkey on a tree. He kept his hands firmly on his sister’s ass to prove to himself that nothing had changed. Things might have changed with his mother and Deana, but Gloria was still his baby girl, regardless of what had happened in his sleep. He needed to be able to touch Gloria, even her ass, without feeling those things Candy and Deana made him feel.

Gloria smelled of sweat, dirt, and grass. “You did great!” he said and put her down.

“Thanks,” Gloria said with a huff. “You shoulda been here for the first game. I hit the ball, got on base, and played left field.”

“Holy field reversals, Batman,” Evan said. “I’m sorry I missed it. I had something I had to do, but I saw all of your second game. How about I take you for ice cream to make up for it?”

“Yesss, awesome!”

Her childlike excitement convinced Evan that Gloria wasn’t like Jayda or the other girl whose face she was sitting on. The whole wet dream thing was behind him, and Gloria was still his little sister.

Fifteen minutes after Becky came home, Jason had everything he’d say clearly laid out in his head. Their mom would be gone for at least another hour, so he would have plenty of time to give his sister hell for tormenting him.

He walked into the kitchen and sat opposite Becky at the table. Her chestnut pigtails were sticking out from the sides of her head. He was prepared to deal with the problem. Hopefully, she wouldn’t derail him by saying, “Did you cum on Papa?”

“Hi,” Becky said.

Jason didn’t like his sister’s expression or the tone of her voice, and her candy-corn tit-caps made him stare. They seemed to be growing right before his eyes, so he looked away and said, “Becky.” His sister ignored him and continued peeling a banana. “That banana is green.”

“They’re better that way.” She licked the tip, then wrapped her lips around it.