Chapter 53

It was a little eerie when I looked across at her from the ottoman. She sat exactly where Susan had sat on two previous occasions while we talked about serious stuff. Jasmine compounded the strange feeling when she took both of my hands in hers and supported them on her knees. Her beautiful blue eyes were bloodshot like someone who drank all night or had been crying all day.

A deeply serious expression set in Jasmine’s eyes. “Joe, I’m sorry about earlier.”

I moved next to Jasmine and put my arm around her as tears cascaded down onto her black leggings. I forced my face against hers as my own tears started flowing. An atmosphere of doom filled the room and my heart. I had seen my troubled friend crumble before under the massive weight of her destructive past, but this seemed worse. I was deeply pained by her obvious state of hopelessness and terrified in anticipation of her words if she was even able to speak. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear about the events that had finally completely broken her. I wondered if they were the same events that sent Susan into her shell. I hate the thought that it could have been the very events I had participated in.

Jasmine’s arm moved behind my back and clung to my waist as both of our tears soaked her leg. When we turned to face each other, I could only look at her pain for a second. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against hers. “Jasmine.” I drew in a deep breath and pulled her wet face across mine. Her face tucked against my neck. Our mixed tears on my face burned my skin like a harmful acid as I tried to say something that would stop her sobbing. “It’s alright. It’s going to be alright. I, I love, I really love you.”

The girl’s body jerked each time she tried to suck in some air. Her tears and snot now soaked my shoulder as her weak arms squeezed me. “Jasmine, was it me, did I do something?”

My question turned Jasmine’s noisy emotional breakdown into a silent stream of tears that lacked even a break for oxygen. I decided to wait for her to speak for fear my next words might cause her to die. I gently rubbed her back hoping she would breathe soon.

One giant gasp of air rushed out of her lungs, and she made a horrible sound sniffing her snot. “No, damn it, no. Not you. I love you.” More air was gasped in between words. “You, you help me. You do nothing but care for me.”

“That’s what people do when they love you.”

Jasmine hit me several times. “I know that. I want to know ... believe that, and I wanna let you love me, but I’m scared.”

I held her until my arms hurt and her tears ran out. I was still terrified of what was coming, but I knew I couldn’t abandon my love. My heart knew I loved them both, but only in my imagination could I save them from the opposing gang’s leader.

“Joe, it’s my father. That’s why Susan couldn’t talk to you. He’s out again. My mother threw him out again.” Jasmine’s undeserved shame forced her eyes downward.

“What happened? Was it his sister? Did he break his promise?” There wouldn’t have been any surprise if it was Jane, but I wondered if Jesselyn had been caught with her uncle.

“He broke his fuckin’ promise. My mother’s pregnant and the shithead couldn’t act like a father.” Jasmine found a few more tears but mostly she gasped for air and tried to hold herself together.

“It’s okay baby, I’ll be here for you. No matter what, I’ll be here for you. It’s going to be alright.” I removed her hat and stroked her hair.

“No, it’s not, it’s never going to be right. We’re all fucked up and we’ll never be okay. I can’t, I don’t even know if I want to be. If it wasn’t for your stupid love, I wouldn’t even know something was wrong. I was broken and I didn’t even know it. How the fuck will it ever be right, Joe? Tell me, please tell me.”

I hadn’t prayed for a long time, but I knew I needed help beyond, way beyond my own ability. The most wonderful, funny, beautiful girl I knew had almost killed me the day before with her troubles. This was ten thousand times worse. God help her. Help me, please.

After begging for help, I spoke the only words that came to my mind. “Anyone can change, you don’t have to stay the way you are. I’ll love you, even if you hate me.”

“Maybe you can help me if you love me, but I can’t make any promises. Look what we do. My dad promised. How come he couldn’t keep his promise? How could he fuck his own daughter? How, how the fuck could he do that?”

My heart stopped. “Mother fucker. No, please tell me he didn’t do that to you.” My heart restarted and anger like I never knew soared through my body.

“Not me.” Jasmine’s sobbing prevented her from continuing. My heart stopped again and my tears burst like a river. I pictured Susan’s depraved acts in a new light as I tried to not scream.

“His, his daughter, Jesselyn, he did it with Jesselyn.” Jasmine took short, fast breaths like she was hyperventilating while I tried to understand.

I saw their faces side by side in my mind. Sisters, they are sisters. “Jesselyn is Susan’s sister?” Susan was with her brother, not her cousin. Is that worse?

“Di-did, didn’t Susie tell you?” Jasmine’s look of surprise and confusion was piled on top of emotionally distraught.

“No, she didn’t tell me. Is she okay? Is Jesselyn?”